Between Peace and Pursuit
Happy people come in many forms. On one side of the spectrum, there are the hippies that are one with the universe, finding peace everywhere they turn. On the other side, there are the psychopaths that walk between skyscrapers on tight ropes. Then there’s everyone in between. What’s the common denominator? What I want to do in this read is shed light on one simple practice that stands as the sweet-spot between a peaceful, “everything is great” type of life versus the life of someone who constantly seeks challenges and covering new ground to feel their best.
That practice is allowance. Allowance is the key ingredient for both parties here, and though it results in the same goal for each one, the path by which it does so and the reason that it’s so meaningful — is different.
What do I mean by allowance? Well, this is pretty first grade, really. It means allowing things to happen. Really take a second to consider the weight of that, though. Consider how much that permeates into your life. I’m talking about allowing feelings, events, catastrophes, impulses, everything. It’s a lot to wrap one’s mind around, so let’s go ahead and break this thing down.
It all starts with something happening to you that elicits a negative reaction. Let’s say these somethings can be broken down into two categories: interior and exterior. As far as the interior goes, a feeling comes over you, right? At face value, feelings can then be broken down into emotions and urges. What does it look like to allow a “negative” emotion like anger, sadness, jealousy, etc.? To allow a negative emotion means to feel it without resistance. It’s to say, “Yes I’m feeling angry, sad, jealous and that’s all right. It may not be in my best interest to be feeling this way, but it’s how I’m feeling right now, and that’s fine”. Theoretically, if you got to a place where you’re so good at allowing everything, such feelings wouldn’t come up, but chances are that’s a ways off so in the meantime, to accept these emotions without supplementary commentary about how wrong it is to be feeling them, is what it means to allow negative feelings.
What about when this feeling is coming off as more of an urge? Let’s say feeling “murderous” for example. Let’s dive in head first, right? When you have a negative feeling that’s provoking you to act in a negative way, you’re still granted the opportunity to allow this feeling, no matter how much it might frighten any part of you. Whether or not you choose to engage in the action is a different conversation for a different read, but to not judge yourself harshly for having certain urges in the first place is where allowance comes in. It’s where patience comes in. If need be, it’s also the attitude that will enable you the sensibility to seek help for yourself. Remember there’s nothing wrong with desiring and pursuing certain outcomes, it’s human nature. However, to not be resistant of your current circumstances is an integral part of life and there’s absolutely a difference between the two.
And then on the other hand you have the interior feelings that don’t have quite as much weight to them but still pry you out of your comfort zone. I’m talking about the random urge to take the long way home even though you really should get back soon or the inclination to step out of the office and watch the sunset even though you still have another hour worth of paperwork to sift through — that sort of thing. It’s the innocent things you normally resist by saying, “No, no I really shouldn’t.” These kinds of instances make that “different conversation about whether or not you engage in certain actions” that I mentioned earlier a whole lot easier, but still, the allowance is the same. It’s allowing yourself to get taken away, slightly off schedule. It’s allowing the small unique callings into your life, thereby getting more comfortable and in tune with the present.
Then of course, there’s that rough, tumbling exterior. There are those things that happen to you on the exterior that are really out of your hands such as the death a loved one, losing your job, or your home going up in flames. Don’t get overwhelmed, there are smaller things, too. Don’t forget about people gossiping about you, being treated unfairly at work, or my favorite example that seems to come up in every single thing I write — traffic. Let alone war, famine and other tragedy that could be thousands of miles away. The lack of control we have over these things can make them much easier or much harder to allow depending on who you are. Either way, to let them be, to not be so clouded as to assume that they’re undeniably wrong for you or wrong for the world, grants you the ability to allow them to happen and understand even briefly that we don’t have all the answers. In this way, allowance lifts a huge weight off the shoulders of those that bare the burden of claiming to know the perfect order of events that should be taking place.
We’ve been talking for a few minutes here, but how does this tie together? What does all this have to do with different paths towards meeting the best versions of ourselves? This might sound like the hottest take ever, but the fact is that inner peace and challenging oneself are in many ways, the same thing. When you aren’t living in a state of resistance, when you’re flowing and allowing things to be as they are (even if you’re gently pursuing something more appealing), of course it’s a form of peace. It’s also a challenge, though, because this is against our instincts. To accept things that are way off your agenda and breaks the normal cycle of what you planned on or anticipated is challenge. Leaning into all of these unexpected, undesirable things regardless of how severe they are, is a practice in both peace and challenging yourself to leave your comfort zone.
