Choose Pain over Numbness
Every story is a beautiful gift. I’m forever grateful for many people who have opened up and shared with me their more intimate, vulnerable sides. Take an earlier personal experience: I grew up with neither many material haves nor wants. When I went to schools with wealthier friends, I was surprised at how many well-put people are a mess inside. From broken families to broken self images, from fear of not looking good enough to fear of not being good enough, from not fitting in to trying too hard to fit in and thus losing a sense of individuality, as long as we are alive, we all have a tons of problem. I think that speaks a lot about who we are and the condition of our lives. So what do we do with this mess called “being human”?
Let me first share with you my version of being a human. Up until recently, the story I told myself as a Vietnamese student with a full scholarship to a great US college was “This is a dream come true, and I’m forever grateful for everything the place has given me. I want to give back.” It explains why I used to be really gungho about the whole “making the world a better place” thing. In retrospect, one part of that gungho-ness has root in a youthful idealism, which is still very much burning. The other part, however, stems from an insecurity, a sense of not being enough for the world.
Since then, that story has evolved. I still want my work to contribute to something meaningful. Nevertheless, I am learning that what matters it’s not “What I do” but more “How I do” Now I simply want to be more engaged in life, to live fully day by day. Perhaps it is maturity. Perhaps it is letting go of control and trusting life more. Whatever it is, life is better that way, and the work I do becomes more joyful, sustaining and surprisingly more effective.
With that, I want to share with you my mess: listening to people is tiring. and hearing the same kind of stories again and again sometimes makes me afraid that I will not be able to feel the pain of the world, that I will be numb. As someone who spends a lot of time up in my head and not so much down here in my heart, I can tell you I’d rather be hurt than be numb. I fear becoming cynical.
Why should you care? Because sometimes you question if anyone will care about your story. “Why should I burden the already messy world with my problems?”, you ask. Strangely enough, many people would trade anything to be in your shoes, to feel your sadness and pain. They are the cynics who behind the giant wall of criticism, have been hurt and never truly recovered, who deep down yearn for something to connect with, to believe in. I know it, because I’ve been there. Cynicism is addictive, because it’s so damn safe. Everyday I look at the ghost of my former cynical self and say “Thank you, but no. I don’t want to go there”.
And that’s why I share and celebrate with people when I feel sad. Because it’s sooo good to be sad. It reminds me that I am alive, that I am human. I’ve learned that if I cannot cry for real, I cannot laugh for real either. As the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says, “our joy and pain are one”.
Getting hurt sucks, but the alternative of getting numb sucks even more. Yes, cynicism literally sucks the life out of you. Please, for life’s sake, don’t turn yourself into a walking zombie. Please, if you can, choose pain over numbness.
Thank you for reading. If this piece speaks to you, please share with friends and press ❤ so others can find it helpful. Cheers :-)
