Choose Yourself: 10 Behaviors That Are Sabotaging You
I’ve compiled a list of behaviors and terrifying situations to clear your “why?”
It’s tough pills to swallow that we give fucks in one and another course of life. By chasing the wrong people to love, by allowing others to dictate your day, by living life on other people’s terms. There are lots of it.
You know what confuses most? You don’t know what you’re doing. You aren’t sure whether chasing your girlfriend is right bet? You feel overwhelmed by other people’s interference in your way. You don’t know why you afraid of losing people.
But why do we allow external circumstances to rule over us? The answer is simple. We keep giving fucks because at the very moment we think it’s the best way. We do it because we feel like it.
And this is the worst mistake we make by giving fucks to those people and conditions that are sabotaging our most powerful relationship — relationship with your self.
After my first breakup, I chased my girlfriend for two months and underwent into chaos. After that tragedy, I gave myself clear reasons why it’s a waste of time to please people. I answered each question that my mind raised. With time, I found a stronger way to set myself apart from this mindset. I learned something that changed my entire life.
To change yourself, you need an apparent reason. You need a strong “why.”
I compiled the list of behaviors and terrifying situations to clear your “why?”
1. Stop giving doubtful reasons about how people treat you.
How would you react if someone keeps yielding on your face only for the mistakes you made. You feel offensive, right? In reality, you teach people how to treat you. If you don’t utter a word for rubbing your ambition or questioning about the relationship. you’re signaling how you should be treated.
Sit down and do a favor by asking yourself. “Is that the right answer I provided to my mind and to the person?”
Letting go for your peace is another thing, but when it comes to self-respect, it’s vital to clear up your boundaries. It’s okay if people aren’t thinking the same as you. But by knowing the limits, you’re warning others that line shouldn’t be crossed.
“Mean people are no fun.”- Thom Filicia
2. Stop pointing fingers at yourself because someone doesn’t want to be part of your life.
Those who left were never yours. It’s really that simple. Someone walked away from your life reflects their intentions, not yours.
We’re all imperfect beings with different flavors or glitches. So, if someone doesn’t relate to your expectations don’t reflect your ability to love. Trust me, if you’ve given so much for someone only shows you’ll treat 10x better to next human being.
People love you if you consider your own needs first and then for others. If you had ever flown in an airplane, plane attendants instruct to wear your oxygen mask first and then help others.
“I’m not forgiving him for his deeds. But I let it go because I don’t have any problems to stay with him” — My friend.
3. Stop looking for uncontrollable circumstances.
We seek perfection because we want presumed results. That’s why we overly research and doubt and try to control each and every aspect of the situation. And if the life doesn’t go as planned, we feel guilty.
Real life admires results. Making small efforts every day will improve the quality of work. And once you naturally produce exceptional results, world label you as perfect.
Just start. And yes, keep going. It’s only that matters.
“Perfection is the child of time.” — Joseph Hall
4. Stop expecting perfect body, look and personality because you want something by using it.
Why do we make a perfect body and look? Only because it serves you for dating perspective? Or for effective presentation?
Of course, it helps. But it’s not effective reasons to shape your body. It’s superficial. There is every other thing you can do to get a loving girlfriend.
Build a habit based on sincere intent. If you want good health and hygiene, then go for good shape. Improve dating skills to get a good date, not to impress others.
“Don’t allow your mind to tell your heart what to do. The mind gives up easily” ― Paulo Coelho
5. Stop impressing people because you’re impressed by them.
We try to impress others, and they’re busy to impress someone they love! We desire someone who reflects our way.
The relationship works best when we both play at the same level field. When you try to impress people. It shows you lack something that they’ve. Maybe personality traits, success, money or something that we’re desperately craving for.
The bottom line: deserve before you desire because you’ll stay true to someone whom you think you deserve.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”― Oscar Wilde
6. Don’t chase true love and true friends because you’re afraid of losing them.
Everybody wants to be loved. But honestly said, we first expect it, and then give it back. Most people think in this way. So, we naturally afraid of losing our loved ones, and sometimes we give a fuck for true love by desperately holding them close.
No matter how intensely you love, but people make time because they feel like it. They love you because they actually feel love for you. You can’t just force and direct their way.
Tell me one thing. If someone is trying to convince you to spend time with you even if you don’t feel like it. How would it feel? Embarrassed. Right? This same applies to the majority of people.
People love and make time for those who love themselves first. True love can only be earned.
“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.” — Richard Bach
7. Stop resisting painful situations because it hurts.
When something negative happens. We feel attacked, so we forcefully resist it.
People feel self-harmed. They feel anxious, overwhelmed and agonized. They try everything they know, but they give a fuck by hiding the situation.
We’ve been taught by society, parents and friends that negative means “bad.” So, we feel the pain as harmful.
Pain can be less painful if you know it’s not that bad. It helps to discover new strengths and surfaces vulnerabilities. And the most impactful benefit of pain I noticed is that you accept your self unconditionally. You forgive mistakes and ready to start with imperfections. It’s the rarest quality I know people have.
“I haven’t seen a successful person with easy past.” — Jay Shetty.
8. Stop pretending it wrong even if deep down you know it’s right.
It’s easy to blame, project and complain on other people. We lie because of uncertainty and fear, but the surprising thing is, it’s not more than you thought.
Don’t make thing complicated if it’s really not. Don’t give a fuck for overthinking. Most problems have easy answers and clear angles if you think practical and straight.
“If evil be spoken of you and it be true, correct yourself, if it be a lie, laugh at it.” — Epictetus
9. Stop taking someone for granted because you don’t know how to love.
We’ve never been taught how to express love and kindness. So we less value for people who are making a difference in our lives. Do you remember the last time when did you hug your mother?
Start recognizing their contribution. They’re the people who make life worth living. Learn how to help people. Once you start taking them seriously, they’ll feel loved. and every human being gives it back. Make efforts for people in the most hurtful stages of life. Learn to stop negative voices within you and start giving your share unconditionally.
“There is absolutely nothing that can be taken for granted in this world.” — Robert Anton Wilson
10. Don’t say you’re happy if you don’t feel like it.
We live in the world where happiness is overvalued. We naturally reject people for negative emotional expression and called them losers. So we don’t share our vulnerable side to people because they might defend it.
Here is the reason: You don’t need to tell everyone but at least accept that you’re not feeling well and it’s natural.
“The strongest force in the universe is a human being living consistently with his identity. “— Tony Robbins
You can’t get or be something without accepting your real self. You’ve scars, hurts, hate, anger, love, regret, forgiveness, vulnerabilities and many more items. Your goal is to love them at every stage.
It’s okay to have black skin. It’s still okay to be single and feeling inferior. It’s okay that someone had cheated on you. It all happens. And that’s the beauty of life. The only thing that matters is how you manage it. In the book, atomic habits, the author James Clear put it best:
Most people don’t even consider Identity change when they set out to improve. They think like this “No thanks. I’m trying to quit smoking.” This person still believes he is a smoker and trying to be something else. They don’t say. “No thanks, I’m not a smoker.”
The best gift you can give to yourself is the unconditional love for yourself. Sometimes, It’s not easy to accept adverse parts. But it doesn’t just change you, it changes the way you should be treated by others.
And stop giving a fuck for the things that you feel regret after giving in. It’s just doesn’t worth it.