Comfort Zone: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Robert Salmon — Ship in storm

“A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” — — — — John A. Shedd

I remember the first time I read this quote. It was at a meeting during my time at University and the quote was written on a poster hanging on the wall. The poster pictured a big ship sailing through the storm and the quote was written right beside it. I remember thinking:” So true…”

At the same time though the image of the ship fighting the worst of the storms is scary, isn’t it???

We all have heard again and again how important it is to get out of our comfort zone, to push ourselves to the limit to achieve amazing results. Like fighting the storm. Scary, ah?

But do we have to do that? Do we really have to push ourselves so hard? Not always it seems. I’ve been reading more and more articles that explain how staying in our comfort zone give us higher chances to achieve more. It makes sense, but I also believe it depends on what you want to achieve. I really enjoyed reading Darius Foroux here on Medium talking about how this whole “get out of your comfort zone and do scary things” is BS. That there are moments when you need to work on yourself and moments when you go out there and take your chance. I must agree with that.

For example I have this huge contradiction in me. I like to stand up, speak in public with the purpose of helping others. And notice please that I do that happily, so I’m not going against myself. This is not about a limit that I should accept, because it truly isn’t.

At the same time though, as many other human beings, being at the center of attention makes me feel uncomfortable, very vulnerable.

In almost 15 years of career in the IT world before founding The Next Metric, I gave hundreds of presentations in front of crowded rooms. Being on stage and sharing my thoughts, my discoveries, my latest projects made me feel amazing. I had something to tell and the world could actually benefit from it. On the other side talking to a crowd would trigger every deepest and rooted insecurity I had. I would wonder whether I was good enough, whether what I had to say was good enough and so on and so forth. Inevitably one minute before walking on stage I would end up asking myself: ”What was I thinking…”

Still having this thought only “one minute” before is already a huge success for me!! My experience with public speaking started in the worst of the ways. Surprised by a panic attack that shut down my voice in front of a room filled with all the big names in my field. It was awful, I can assure you. If I had crawled back into my comfort zone, I would have locked my dream of becoming a good speaker in the drawer with the safest of the locks! Instead with time, persistence and will power, it evolved and got much, much better. Surely I learned that you don’t throw yourself in the lion’s den as first step!

And when it’s so rough, it’s easy to wonder “What would this look like if it were easy?” like Tim Ferriss did when he turned 40. What a legitimate question. Does it really have to be that hard? Maybe it doesn’t have to be. Maybe we can get out of our comfort zone with a mix of easy and non easy steps. Honestly I still believe that small steps that push us a bit are a good thing. Otherwise we would have never learned many things that today come easy to us!

Based on these thoughts, I built a system that works pretty well at least for me. It’s a mix of easy and not so easy (but never too hard) and I call it:”F**k it!”. I say it in my head so nobody usually gets offended 😊
You can use it too if you have a wish that doesn’t really fall in the list of your easy habits. It works. Some of the people I help have used it with success. Here the steps:

1. First of all get very clear on the reasons that push you out of your comfort zone. How important is it for you? How is this going to make your life better? Build a strong vision and motivation in your head. So strong that it should almost feel uncomfortable to remain in your comfort zone! If this vision isn’t strong, what’s the point of pushing yourself so hard? It must be something you really want.
2. Break that big step down into smaller steps. This way it’s less scary and more approachable. With public speaking for example a start could be small presentations of 5 minutes (the so called “lightning talks”) or join the toastmasters club in town where to practice in front of a friendly crowd.
3. Give up on perfectionism!!! I cannot stress this enough. Very often we use the excuse of not being ready to procrastinate. Look at it for what it is: an excuse that your brain is selling you. There is no such a thing. There is no “perfect”. We are all in a process of “fail and learn”. Failing is a good thing. Nobody likes it, but it’s a good thing.
4. Go back to the vision every time you complete a small step. The brain is a mysterious, super powerful and at the same time very lazy tool. Once you complete a small step, it will think that the work is done, that it can finally go back to where it was (in all its comfort) and it will lose focus and interest. Remind your brain that you are not done yet and that the goal should not be ticked off of the list.
5. And the most important step at least for me is the infamous “F**k it!” step. Reframe! Turn something scary into something not so difficult. When you are about to take that step out of your comfort zone, ask yourself what is the worst that could happen. If you fail, if something goes wrong what is the worst that can come as consequence? If the step is small enough I’m pretty sure nothing deadly can happen. And let’s be honest here, even if the step is big and the possibility of failing very high, there is nothing and I repeat nothing that can’t be solved, fixed or changed. That has been my motto for very long and it has never betrayed me. There is a solution to everything, I promise. So tell yourself “F**k it!” and jump! It will be worth it.

And the last thing I want to share, saying in my head “F**k it!” actually makes me laugh. I find it funny that I mentally repeat such a sentence in a situation where I should go blank for fear. So it also puts me in a good mood when I have to step on stage 😊

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