3 Things Not to “Tell” People When You Could Be “Showing” Them Instead
Does online dating these days leave you feeling frustrated, hollow and aching for something deeper? Finding the love of your life is not going to happen in response to a haphazardly produced dating profile. If you’re too busy, lazy, or guarded to devote your full attention to your presentation of who you are at the core of your being, you’re probably also too busy, lazy, or guarded to be fully present for a romantic partner, and you are more likely to attract a reflection of this discontent.
Conversely, your authenticity, vulnerability and sincerity attract the same qualities in others. If you are prepared to put your mind, heart, body, and soul into a relationship with another person, your Match.com profile should reflect that. That might sound like a tall order in a modern dating arena like a minefield, but there are unspoken, invisible forces of energy at play here. “Chemistry” is far vaster than most realize. There is undeniably a point where a person can “vibe” so high that no one hanging out in the lower vibrations can even touch them. Here are 3 cliches to avoid and what you can offer up in their place:
#1. “I’m open minded.” Anyone who has to directly reassure others that they are “open minded” is probably just the opposite. What does open minded really mean anyway? That you’re into kink? That you’re not homophobic in the least? Claiming it as a virtue in and of itself is just another way to avoid associating yourself with views of the world that you are afraid clash with the views of potential matches. To simply claim to be open minded suggests a fear of expressing your own core values, which translates as fear of disapproval from others. Instead, without using the word, show it: Reveal exactly the qualities and practices you embrace. Write a few lines about something you value that falls outside of the establishment. Reflect on how experiencing it has positively affected your awareness of yourself and society. If your potential partner is as open minded as you are, they will be drawn to the audacity you showed in what you shared.
#2. “I like to travel.” In recent years, mainstream talk about “travel” has become synonymous with ego tripping. To feed their egos, people mindlessly travel to as many places as they possibly can just so they can tell people that they’ve been there and whoever has been to the most places “wins.” Just as the number of Instagram followers a person has means less and less in a world where it’s possible to purchase followers by the thousands, an affinity for travel is only meaningful to others when you can articulate how what you have experienced on your travels has expanded your compassion for the world and your role in it.
#3. “I’m spontaneous.” This is another heavily overused claim. Unaccompanied by evidence, it superficially tries to assure people that you’ll do your best not to bore them with your predictability and the parts of your life that run on auto-pilot because you fear being perceived as dull. What people really want to know is, what inspires you? How easily are you moved by your connection to everything around you? What makes you lose track of all sense and time? People want to be shown how you can take something small and make it feel larger than life, or take something daunting and allow it to wash over you with ease. A few lines painting a picture of when passion broke time open for you are in order here.
Authenticity is the new superpower in a world still rife with facade. Cultivating a dating profile that will draw forth a truly compatible soul match is not about making vague, cautious blanket statements or amassing numbers. It is not about forcing yourself into a society-scripted mold of your gender ideal. It is about exploring the depths of your identity and personal truth. It is about mining a clear channel into your own heart and honoring what moves you. It is about rising to a frequency where all genders have equal freedom to be in touch with the most vulnerable and therefore powerful aspects of themselves. When we make the conscious choice to rise to this level of agency, we attract people who embody the same.
