Disappointment
Sometimes, something happens that activates that old feeling of not good enough. I’m learning a new name for that feeling… It’s called shame. When I feel ashamed I also feel rejected or abandoned. That’s such a terrible feeling. I’m not sure that there’s anything that feels worse to me.
When I feel ashamed, I generally have made some kind of mistake in a relationship. This happened to me yesterday. Someone disappointed me. So, I laid down the law. I set out my expectations out clearly. Then, the other person immediately put some distance between us.
Ooops. That didn’t go well. Then, I was disappointed in myself. So at that point, I felt ashamed, rejected, and I didn’t like myself very much. That was a toxic combination of emotions for me.
This morning, during meditation, I realized several things. I don’t have to react when someone else disappoints me. In fact, that’s a signal that I’m depending on someone else to meet my needs.
Feeling frustrated or disappointed in another is my first clue that I am abandoning myself and leaning on another to make me feel good. Next, I start beating up on myself. I take that feeling of outer rejection and double down.
That’s totally unnecessary. Mistakes are how we learn. So I’m taking my disappointment and shame, and learning from my mistake. And I’m going to start by tuning into Source whenever I feel disappointed. Instead of leaning on others, I’ll take care of myself the right way.
