Discovering Safe Touch
My mother told me a story once about me not liking touch as a tiny tot. She said that I had been sick, and spent some time in the hospital. When I came home, I didn’t want anyone to touch me or hug me.
So purely by chance, I experienced a pre-verbal episode of abandonment. I think this caused me to be very physically reserved. My mother recognized that something was wrong. She began a campaign of hugging and touching me, even when I resisted. I remember her telling me, “I like holding your hand.”
Even so, my family was pretty reserved. We didn’t hug or touch very often. Families who met like long lost friends with hugs and kisses seemed so foreign to me.
Years ago, I had a short career as a massage therapist. I studied massage so that I could work with horses. But during the course, I discovered that I was really good at massage. When the environment felt safe, I loved giving and receiving touch!
This experience changed me so much. I went from avoiding touch to seeking it. A move and children took me away from massage as a career. Today I can see that I got exactly what I needed. The experience of safe touch.
Fortunately, I’ve married into a loving family where we all hug. Gradually, I’ve become used to giving and receiving hugs. I’ve learned how to offer a hug, but not feel upset if the other person isn’t ready for one. It takes time to develop the trust to welcome touch from another. There’s no rush.
