Don’t Be An Energy Vampire
Have you ever been trapped in a situation where you had to listen to someone whine? I have, many, many times. It happened again this morning. I was stuck for a solid half hour listening to Kim (not her real name) drone on about how much her life sucked.
Normally I’m a good listener, but I’ve heard Kim’s story several times. At first, I was sympathetic. But, after hearing the same story I heard the month before, and the month before that, I realized nothing was going to change in her life.
The characters in the story were changing. She was moving from a bad relationship to an even worse one. Well, kind of moving. She seemed to be playing one against the other. I sort of tuned out the details, but it was obvious Kim was not accepting any personal responsibility for her situation.
Look, at this stage in my life I have come to know you can’t help people who won’t help themselves. Best case, you’ll get frustrated. Worst case, you’ll get dragged down with them.
This morning I awoke, as I usually do, looking forward to the day, eager to see what lies ahead. Truth be known, I’m happy to be alive, contributing a little to the world. But, I left Kim with a dark cloud over my head.
Fortunately, that funk didn’t last long. My next stop was the barber shop. For twelve bucks, I got a haircut and a healthy shot of positive energy. I bounced out of there full of fire, and ready to take on the world. Forgotten was the gloom and doom that rubbed off from Kim.
Here’s reality. Life happens to everyone. Some good, some not so good. How we handle it is up to each of us. Some people wallow in self-pity and drag everyone around them down as well. Others deal with the bad stuff and move on with their lives. I’m not saying it’s always easy. Some situations are worse than others, and some people need a lot of professional help. However, we must take charge of our own lives.
“There are no victims, only volunteers.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt
It’s my belief Mrs. Roosevelt was referring to the long term status of the victims. While people don’t choose to become victims, they do choose to remain so instead of moving on with their lives.
The barber put it in perspective for me. She said some people are “energy vampires.” They suck the energy out of you, and out of the room as well. Avoid them at all costs!
This article is not really about Kim and her challenges. It’s a lesson for the rest of us and how we present ourselves to others.
When someone asks you how you’re doing, they don’t really care. They’re being polite. They expect you to say you’re fine.
Imagine the following conversation:
“How are you Joe?”
“Oh. I’m not so good.”
“What’s the matter?”
“My wife hates me. The cat hates me. My life is over.”
You answer, “I’m so sorry!” But are you? The heck you are. What you’re really thinking is, “Take the damn cat to the pound, divorce your wife, and get on with your life.” Instinctively, you know that advice will go over like a lead balloon, so you keep your mouth shut.
You’ve got your own problems and you don’t want to hear about Joe’s. Worse, in the future you’ll avoid Joe like the plague. You don’t want to get dragged down with him. Not fair? Nope, but that’s life.
People don’t want to be around negative people. Life is hard enough without adding other’s problems to it.
Here’s the bottom line. You’re either adding energy to the room or you’re sucking it out. It doesn’t matter what you do in life, people don’t want to be around negative people.
Conversely, people gravitate to upbeat positive people. Doesn’t mean you have to be one of those obnoxious, in-your-face always bubbly people, the ones that drive you nuts. Just be yourself and keep out from under the dark cloud.
I’m Oliver Connolly and I help sales managers build a sales force that makes quota. Contact me at oliver@streetsmartsalesmanagement.com for a quick, no-nonsense, no-obligation chat about your sales management challenges.
Check out my website https://www.streetsmartsalesmanagement.com for more information and free stuff on sales and sales management
