Feeling Stuck?
Understanding Why We Feel Stuck and How To Free Ourselves From It
Stuck is sticky.
It’s a situation you can’t simply wriggle yourself out of. Like when an insect makes the mistake of landing on those long, dangling adhesive strips. The more they move, the more they’re immobilized, and the more their bodies get entangled in THE GOO. They thrash and flail in their futile attempt to free themselves, until they end up too exhausted to escape their fate.
I guess the same could be said for those of us who have experienced the stickiness of being stuck. The longer you stay there, the more excruciating the experience. That’s why I call it sticky. Because not all of us can just shake-it-off and walk-away unfazed.
Just like you, I have found myself feeling stuck, at many, different points in my 31 years of existence. Some of them were stickier than the other ones, but thankfully I’ve always had enough resolve in my spirit to get out from my rut.
As I write this piece, please know I understand that each person’s case is unique on its own, and has many complex dynamics to take into consideration.
I thus intend this piece to be used as a tool as part of your growth discovery process, rather than a cookie-cutter, definitive guide. One’s path to growth is never as simple as one could express in mere words, so please do not mistake this for that either.
Nonetheless, I’ll do my best to share an insight or two about freeing yourself from the sticky situation of being stuck and growing from that gooey experience.
Here we go!
STUCK is the word I use to best describe my feelings, whenever I experience the following (or at least a semblance of any of these)
- What I used to love doing now feels boring and routinary.
- I do not feel fulfilled with what I do everyday.
- I am longing for something else outside of what I am pursuing.
- I feel uninspired to keep going.
- I am overwhelmed with the tasks I’m so used to doing.
I believe feeling stuck is a symptom of a bigger, underlying issue, which needs to be addressed — sooner than later. It is like a fever which is indicative that something is wrong within the system. And whatever is causing that symptom needs to be identified immediately.
So if you’re feeling stuck, don’t panic.
It’s actually a good thing that you are aware of it and that you acknowledge it.
As they say, awareness is the first step to change.
Feeling stuck is good when it allows a great deal of introspection. Introspection is an eye-opening exercise that lets you search and examine the state of your heart and mind, within the context of your present circumstances.
Whenever I introspect, I take a good, hard look at my core values and present life goals. More often than not, in my process of self-reflection, I discover a misalignment between my present life goals and the general direction of the work I am currently involved in.
I believe this misalignment is so common for many of us because our life goals have a more dynamic and ever-evolving nature. As life happens and changes in our needs also take place, life goals somehow fit themselves into the molds of our ever-evolving lives.
However, this swift process of evolution isn’t always true for our work. As opposed to the dynamic nature of life goals, our work is usually built on a path that has a clear, definitive direction. Take a look at your present job now. You more or less have an idea of what is ahead of you if you stick to the same path.
So feeling stuck comes in when:
- a subtle or major change is introduced into your needs;
- your life goals instinctively adapt to this subtle or major change; BUT—
- you still find yourself doing the same-old, same-old thing.
This misalignment reveals a GAP between the ever-evolving aspect of your life and the other aspect that is slow or hardly changing.
That gap will start filling up with GOO. The longer you delay, the more goo fills that gap, and the harder it is for you to get out. That’s where the agonizing feeling of being stuck begins to get to you.
That’s why I call being stuck ‘a gooey situation.’
Being stuck means different things to different people, though what’s common for all of us is that we all have our own version of “The Goo.”
The Goo is that thing that infests the gap where your goals and direction are misaligned.
The Goo is that thing that keeps you stuck.
The Goo is that thing you want to free yourself from.
It could be anything for anyone.
The Goo is usually a compilation of excuses of why we keep ourselves stuck and unmoving. It is comprised of the endless list of justifications why we remain where we are despite hating where we are.
So whatever it is for you, you have to decide to GET AWAY FROM YOUR GOO.
This is crucial to unstick yourself from the stickiness of being stuck. Getting away means there’s no room for excuses–no matter how valid they sound– this time. You need to be courageous enough to face the difficult, confronting facts about those self-made excuses that have been keeping you stuck in the first place.
MY GREAT ESCAPE FROM THE GOO
For those of you who have read my previous entry On Tears and Oak Trees, you would have an idea that I personally went through a recent struggle of feeling stuck.
In just a span of a year, my life has undergone major changes, which include uprooting myself from my home, migrating to another country, settling down with the love of my life, and integrating into a new society.
With these new circumstances came along new life needs, and also new life goals. Where I was a year ago is nowhere near where I am today. More importantly, where I see myself a year from now is worlds apart from what I was envisioning for already a decade.
Last year, I had the privilege to live life as a digital nomad. I was based in a new city every 2 months. This went on for about a year, and it was probably the reason why I started to open my eyes to new possibilities.
I saw so many people just like myself — some even younger than I was — living a life they didn’t need a vacation from, literally. They hustled hard, and lived freely. They were all location independent, called their own shots, made their own schedules, earned insanely well, and they were killing it on the front of pursuing their dreams.
My brief encounter with this lot and my big move to a new life made me realize I’VE GOT GOO, AND I’VE GOT TO GET AWAY FROM IT TOO.
My goo, I realized, had looong existed way before these life changes. It’s been a good ten years since I have constantly turned a blind eye from what were really my lifelong dreams. And that’s the kind of nudge my heart has been waiting for. The chance to finally, really pursue my lifelong dreams.
Like being a writer. A life-coach. An e-commerce mogul. A TED speaker.
I wanted to make a mark outside of the industry everyone associated me with. Because even before life happened a decade ago, I’ve always dreamed to move readers with my words. Speak inspiration to someone’s life. Hack the e-commerce game (though back then it was kill it on the business front). And share my story onstage, standing on that red, round platform (TED).
My major life changes also made me self-aware as to how limited our time is to actually fulfill our lifelong dreams. That there will never be a right time. That time is a resource you can never earn back.
All these thoughts gave me the utmost urgency to uproot myself from my GOO that has long been there, hardened, due to years of inaction and “valid” excuses.
I’m not ready.
I’m not good enough.
Maybe next year.
Not yet.
Tomorrow.
Next time.
Gooey words that I have used all too often in the recent years of my life. Gooey words that have kept me stuck even before I actually felt stuck. Gooey words that I finally had to let go of to free myself from being stuck.
HOW ABOUT YOU, GOT GOO TOO?
Of course you do. Everybody’s got goo.
But not everybody’s going to go as far as getting rid of it too.
If you mind feeling stuck as much as I do, then I guess it’s time to go on a self-reflection journey, and come face-to-face with the goo that has kept you stuck all this time.
These are the introspection questions I asked myself:
- What are subtle/major changes introduced into my life before I started feeling stuck?
- What have I noticed with my present lifegoals? What has evolved from what I previously envisioned?
- Is my work and its direction still aligned with what I want to do/achieve based on my answers to the questions above?
- What are the gooey excuses I have allowed into the gap of this misalignment?
- With all things considered, what things can I immediately take action on to free myself from the goo?
For every gooey excuse, there is a counterpart action.
I caught myself when I was tempted to use the gooey words above and immediately forced myself to do a counterpart action instead.
I’m not ready. — I jumped-in, full-on, into a new e-commerce project that is entirely my own.
I’m not good enough. — I bought my domain for meeyey.com and started writing that same hour.
Maybe next year. — I buried myself in e-commerce studies.
Not yet. — I began working on my new book, Givefluence.
Tomorrow. — I created content day-in and day-out for my personal brand.
Next time. — I started mastering new social media skills and channels.
Each conscious action taken to get myself away from the goo became the main drivers for my own growth.
While doing this introspection exercise, make sure to be fully honest and truthful to yourself when pondering on each question. Your answers will be unique from everyone, and rest in the knowledge that they need not be as drastic and extreme as my counteractions listed above.
Like I said, there are life changes that are subtle, but still push us to get away from the goo and grow from it too.
The more you practice this, the more you allow yourself to step out of the sticky, and the more you allow yourself to grow in new fronts — hopefully in those that are part of your lifelong dreams too.
Notice that I focus more on getting away from the goo, rather than focusing on re-aligning life goals and the present line of work. Why?
The truth is not everybody has the freedom to just change their line of work in a snap of a finger. Not everyone can afford to just quit what they’re doing to pursue their passions right after realizing the urgency of time. Not everyone can just walk away from a career they’ve invested so much in.
But here’s the good news:
Everyone has the ability get away from their goo. Everyone can take small steps in order to slowly influence change into aspects of their lives that are slow to change. Everyone can begin pursuing their lifelong dreams without literally dropping what their current responsibilities are.
The moment you open yourself to these small changes, small steps, small upgrades, then you will feel the expansion of your new possibilities, away from the suffocating confines of your gooey comfort zone.
The moment you accept that being stuck is okay but staying stuck isn’t, then you’ll begin embracing the small, challenging and new counteractions for every gooey excuse that existed in your vocabulary.
It’s high time you free yourself from the goo.
Make Growth your next frontier.
And make sure, you stick to it too.
Leave a note, say hello. Would love to hear from you, before you go!
Originally published at meeyey.com on October 21, 2018.
