Friendships: Being okay with losing friends

Odinakachukwu Ndukwe
Ascent Publication
Published in
4 min readFeb 13, 2019


Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

Before I start, I’d like to state that this is more like a penned raw thought than an arranged and edited article. Also, friends referred to here are not people you only say hi to, or colleagues or acquaintances.

The aim of this post is not to gain sympathy or depict self-pity. It’s simply one of the numerous thoughts that go through my head, only this time, I put it as it is.

I love friendships and I think they are important. You get to have people that love and support you; people you can always talk to, people that have your back and would tell you when what you are doing is wrong but still wouldn’t hold your wrong decisions against you, people that trust you and respect who you are and what you stand for.

Photo by Duy Pham on Unsplash

I have a few wonderful people I consider friends and I thank God for bringing them my way. They have helped me in one way or the other, corrected me, taught me things and supported me. I love them!

However, I realized that I am scared of losing my friends. When I say losing them, I don’t mean death, I mean not being in contact with them or not talking to each other as we normally would do.

I can’t completely say that I don’t know why that scares me because I have an idea why it does.

I hardly make friends; I don’t even have a good social skill (I’m trying though). So when I’m able to know someone and the person becomes my friend, it’s really amazing and I might seem aloof (don’t know why people think I am) but I actually do care so much about my friends and I hold them dear to my heart.

A few weeks ago, I thought about good friends I lost. Some were as a result of distance and non-communication, while others just happened; we grew apart.

I thought about how it would be nice to get in touch with some of the friends I lost because they were good and lovely people. I could do that but then again, they have all moved on and have other friends and the friendship I had with them before will most likely not be the same.

Also, it might seem like I’m disturbing them or sucking up to them like I’m helpless or jobless. I also wondered if sometimes I cross their minds.

Friendship isn’t easy and I personally think it needs work, it needs effort. Friendships of 15, 20, 30 years don’t happen like that.

A lot must have gone into it to make it happen; keeping in touch, doing things that involve each other, forgiveness and so on.

Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash

Last week, my friends came to stay over in my house for our induction into the Medical Laboratory Science profession; we all don’t live close. Frankly, I enjoyed their presence and all the things we did together.

I’m not a pessimist but the realist in me had to think of 5 to 10 years from now. I kept asking, are we going to be this close? What’s going to happen and so on.

I looked back at others that were close to me but somehow are not. Then there are those that were close to me but somehow are not as close anymore, so you wouldn’t blame me for thinking that way.

Friendships are lost for different reasons; quarrels, distance, non-communication, different ideals, lies, pretense etc.

The truth is, this is life and some things happen that we never really expect or think will happen.

Here is the conclusion of the matter.

· Losing friends is normal and that’s life, it’s not something to be afraid of or dread. You really never have people forever. Some stay for a short period, some stay a little longer and some remain with you. What is important is that you enjoy what you have now, cherish it and appreciate it.

· Friendship is a two way thing; the parties involved have to put in effort for it to work. One party can’t do the whole work, with time, it becomes burdensome.

· If someone wants to let go, it’s okay. You can always be there so the person knows that they can always talk to you about anything or rely on you but if the person wants you out, stay out, don’t push it.

· As we lose friends, we gain new ones and I think that makes life interesting.

· It’s more difficult to maintain friendships where your friends don’t stay around you but it’s also possible.

· Friendship isn’t all rosy, friends will quarrel, annoy and might say mean things to each other but in the end, forgiveness and moving forward is key. We all are not perfect.

However, there are some things that friends do to us that really hurt us and even though we can forgive, we can’t really move on with each other and that’s fine. What’s important is that you guys don’t separate on a bad note.

· I still believe friendships are important, no man is an island

I realize that the way i feel is the way some people feel about this issue too. I also realize that I might be that friend that is getting distant. Life right?




Odinakachukwu Ndukwe
Ascent Publication

Documenting my growth... Your words have life, use it wisely