From perfectionism to “good enough”

Learning to live perfectly imperfect

When I started working and got my very first ‘official’ job in marketing, I didn’t want to fail. I didn’t allow myself to make mistakes. Not one. I wanted to make sure I would excel in my job. All I did, should have been done perfectly well. I think many of us could relate to this scenario. That need for perfection. Not only in our job, maybe also in general. In life. We would like to succeed and to be seen as successful.

Some people believe perfectionism is something good, because it means you always strive for the best quality, you want to make the best out of life or your work. And you don’t take things for granted. You could say people like Rembrandt van Rijn or Steve Jobs were typical perfectionists, as their creative work led to extraordinary fine art and beautiful designed innovation.

But if you do some more research into perfectionism, it seems it isn’t always such a positive trait to be proud of. In fact, it could also obstructing you in (some) aspects of your life.

After finishing my second book of Brené Brown, an American professor, who did research into vulnerability and courage for many years, I began to understand the relationship between perfectionism and vulnerability. Here is something interesting I found. First, Brené Brown explains how perfection just doesn’t exist. It’s an unreachable goal. Nobody is perfect. Second, she mentions how perfectionism is most of the time much more driven by the willingness to excel in the eyes of others around you. A strong need to be good, to be fun, to be liked. By others. And here is where vulnerability gets in. Human beings all want to be rewarded, to feel accepted. Better said: we would like to avoid rejections, avoid being criticised. Simply because we hate the feeling of being rejected or to be seen as less successful in things we do. A way to avoid this feeling of vulnerablity could be found in ‘perfectionism’. It’s important here to understand that this particular need for perfectionism seems to be driven by the world around you.

This journey of perfectionism is intriguing me. Why do we all have a need to overthink all we do, all we need to achieve or who to be with? Why could it not just be good enough or why are we searching for a kind of picture perfect? And is this driven by ourselves or by our current society?

I am sure though we could change perfectionism into “being good enough”. But to start this movement it is important to have some self acceptance and self knowledge. Understanding why you have certain thoughts or ideals. And is that realistic?

“Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it“

— Salvador Dali

Eventually it is about getting to realise perfection doesn’t exist and at the same time about trying to embrace imperfection. It’s about allowing yourself to be vulnerable. In a job or in a relationship. But most important, it’s about accepting you don’t have to be perfect in the eyes of others. And probably you also never will be.

And by doing this, I believe you could learn to live perfectly imperfect… 🙌🏼

Got interested in the work of Brene Brown? I highly recommend one of her books, The Gifts of Imperfection (2010), Daring Greatly (2013), or watch her TED talk.