Getting Comfortable with ‘No’
As I moved into leadership positions, ‘no’ had to become of the most important words in my vocabulary.
As an individual contributor starting out my career, I generally didn’t give too much thought to protecting my time. However, as I gained valuable skills and transitioned into leadership positions, demand for my skills and my time — as well as those of the teams I led — grew exponentially. In order to be an effective leader, I knew I had to get comfortable with saying ‘no’.
I first wanted understand why we’re so uncomfortable with ‘no’ in the first place. After researching the question, a number of reasons began to emerge, with the most influential being rooted in societal norms and family values. Interesting.
Knowing the origins of sensitivities to saying ‘no’, however, was only the first part of the journey. I needed to reflect on my experience as a leader to see how avoiding saying ‘no’ was affecting my well-being and, as a result, the well-being of the teams I led.
As a pleaser by nature, how did I grow from avoiding ‘no’ to embracing its power as a leader? Committing to better serve myself and the teams I led, I began the practice of saying ‘no’ not one, but seven, different ways. Why 7? As leaders having to deal with many varying types of personalities, team cultures and levels of organizational urgency, it’s important for us to have more than one single technique for saying ‘no’.
To help others on their journey of getting comfortable with saying ‘no’, I brought these techniques to the 2016 Erie Day of Code conference in Erie, PA. I even coached several audience members on the art of saying ‘no’ as part of the presentation.
In the end, how did I get more effective at saying ‘no’? It took practice. Lots of practice. And although practice doesn’t always make perfect, getting comfortable with saying ‘no’ has made me a better, more humane leader.
