Getting Rid of Stockholm Syndrome
After reading a story of Girl in The Box (2016), many of my feelings were mixed and overwhelming. A familiar feeling was triggering in my head. I have no intention to threaten anyone, but the movie is about a woman who had a Stockholm Syndrome — a type of psychological illness that a victim fell in love with the hostage when there is a good amount of time.
A victim that develops a special relationship with a kidnapper while they are together for a while.
A girl was kidnapped when she on the road and kept as the hostage emotional tools for seven years before getting the release by the kidnapper’s wife. However, after the release, she still tried to contact the kidnapper.
Even though my experience was not as intense as a case in the movie. Luckily, I used to be in the state for a few months, not 7 whole years. When I think of it again, it’s making me sick of why I could feel like that to a person who did that to me (No physical action involved).
Even though how horrible the person is, I was still trying to contact the person. I had no idea what I thinking. I just worried about how the person was living. Had the person had enough money to live? Had the person arrived at their home?
Personally, Stockholm syndrome could happen less intensively in a similar situation.
I don’t want to tell the whole story. I was not kidnapped. I just stayed with the person for a month. Only I just tried to understand the situation of the person’s family situation until it was even worse; I let the person borrow my money without questions. Maybe, it’s because I am too kind and care the other too much.
Spending time with the person seemed like a happy ending, but it is a deadly poison that was killing me slowly. I gave a lot of effort to assist no matter what happened (Financial, every kind of help I could do at that time). However, there is nothing I got from the person, except pain in heart, loss of borrowing money, lies, and cracks in my family relationship.
I know that my situation was not deadly, but it gave me a lot of lessons.
- I should not fell in love easily for the second time
- Don’t trust anyone easily.
- If the problem is too much to handle, asked for experienced assistance.
- Family always love me in some ways.
- Being love is giving chances, but if it’s more than 3 times in the same kind of stuff, that’s unforgivable
Recovering Methods
It always takes time when comes to emotional issues, so the same as Stockholm syndrome. There is no absolute solution to this symptom. There is only time that will heal the wound in their hearts. In my case, it took 2 months after the problem ended to clear out my mind and find someone to talk to. However, there are some alternative ways.
1. Don’t judge and listen without judging
If you start with judging the person who has got Stockholm syndrome, it’s not going to end well. He or she will build a wall and answer your questions in a way you want. That will not be the way they want.
What the person wants is people who are on their side or could agree with his or her idea which is mostly impossible. Open-minded talk could work in this situation. The talk should not be offensive to the person. If he or she feels so, shutting out their mind and not listening to anyone would be his or her only option.
2. Let the person make their own decision
Making their own decision is a good idea for curing this type of symptom.
Try not to interrupt with words or actions when the person is speaking. If you do and give your advice straight away, that is going to make the situation get even worse. That would mean “you know best” which will construct a wall even higher.
The Stockholm syndrome person is thinking that he or she is closer to the hostage, no way that the other would know better than they do. That is how I am when I was in the state. I was really against my mother when she tried to give me the advice she though is best for me.
Deciding for himself or herself is also giving power over a manipulated force from the influenced person.
3. Stable pillars
To estimate the situation of the symptom, having someone which the person can rely on is important. Good cop, bad cop would a method which the person could talk open-minded. In my case, at that time, the good cop was my therapist and bad cops were my parents.
I think I might be overstated, but that made me understand myself more at the time. Sometimes, the Stockholm person might not know what he or she is thinking; having someone who can comfort and truly be rely on is an alternative solution — Finding someone who can be their stable pillars other than the hostage. I think it will depend on each person’s case that who the pillar would be.
I think it might be hard to find the pillar person if the Stockholm person does not believe in anything except themselves. Initially, I have to admit that I did not believe in my family.
The truth is sometimes hard to accept, but it can’t be changed.
