Grief: The Scarlet Letter “G”
Notes on comforting a grieving mother
When my daughter died of SIDS in 2003, I felt like I had a scarlet letter “G” plastered on my forehead. G for GRIEF. But, as anyone who is grieving a loss can tell you, there is a half-life for people’s wanting to see that “G.”
The only people who seemed to accept this “G” were others who were also grieving. I can remember having lunch with a fellow graduate student right after my daughter’s death — he had lost his wife to cancer. I completely understood when he said that he couldn’t get rid of her clothes, even though it had been years. He seemed relieved to be able to confess this struggle to let go, something I am sure he hadn’t told many — if any — people before.
The grieving are in a secret club in which they don’t know who all the members are.
Grieving mothers are even a more closeted group.
Motherhood is considered such a positive experience that any aspect that is less than cheery is discouraged in our culture. Just think about the widespread reaction to postpartum depression. The idea that any woman could feel less than exuberant joy after giving birth is still taboo for many people.
