How Houseplants Can Teach You to Be Less Angry, More Relaxed, and Avoid Disappointment
Lessons from my plants as I struggled to keep them alive
It took me a while to get into the plant trend.
I often compared plants to dogs, and I always felt like plants paled in comparison.
Dogs were expressive. Taking care of them involved routines that inevitably made me more active, more consistent, more responsible — overall, a better person. Building a relationship with them just seemed more satisfying.
I often compared plants to dogs, and I always felt like plants paled in comparison.
(Ornamental) plants, to me, seemed dull. They looked nice but they were passive and barely moved. Despite their air-purifying properties and whatnot, I perceived plant care to be like a one-way relationship.
I didn’t understand the hype.
I got my first plant serendipitously.
It was my boyfriend’s mom’s 60th birthday, and she has loved plants for years. We wanted to get her something special.
In my research, I found the Begonia Maculata Wightii (Spotted Begonia): a charming polka-dotted plant that was said to be hard to find. Its dark green leaves were shaped like angel wings and adorned with silvery spots. As for its undersides, they were deep crimson.
Despite their air-purifying properties and whatnot, I perceived plant care to be a one-way relationship.
Immediately, I checked for nearby sellers and was fortunate to find one with a reasonable price. We coordinated its delivery and confirmed the purchase.
As I was about to transfer my payment, the seller sent me a photo of another Spotted Begonia she had. It was smaller than the one I was about to buy and she offered a huge discount if I got them both.
Perhaps it was its uniqueness. Maybe it was the price tag. I forget what made me open to it, but I agreed and had myself my first plant, to cut a long story short.
High Hopes and Beginner’s Luck
My Begonia grew so fast. It had 2.5 leaves when I got it. In just three days, its baby leaf wholly matured. Five days later, it already had new growth. In just two weeks, it has grown from having 2.5 leaves to 5!
Maybe it was beginner’s luck, but wow, I was hyped!
Learning about my newfound appreciation for plants, my boyfriend’s mom gifted me with a young Peace Lily from her garden. It had majestic green leaves that looked so exquisite in a terracotta pot.
As it was a “low light plant,” I placed it in my newly-painted room.
It felt rewarding to make something grow. Soon, I bought some more small plants. I was on a high.
Little did I know, things were about to go south.
Lesson #1: Live and Let Live
Peace Lilies were (supposedly) one of the easiest plants to take care of. Their leaves would droop when they’re thirsty, but they’d instantly perk up again once they’ve been watered.
A week into “plant parenthood,” I found myself wallowing in frustration. My “beginner plant” stayed droopy even after I’ve watered and waited.
I thought I was giving it adequate care but it still looked like it was in bad shape.
Desperate, I asked Youtube influencer, Roma So, for advice. She suggested putting it outside the house that evening because it’d probably enjoy the temperature and humidity.
Despite my reluctance in moving my bedroom’s decorative focal point, I begrudgingly did as she said.
Lo and behold, it worked.
I’m not gonna lie. The realization that my indoor light wasn’t enough for my plants saddened me. I looked forward to filling my room with greenery. Unfortunately for me, my plants had their own preferences.
This experience reminded me that my plants weren’t inanimate objects I owned. Instead, they were living things that I cohabit with.
How to Be Less Angry: Don’t Try to Change Others
I’m a pet adoption advocate. My heart goes out to abandoned cats and dogs who all deserve loving families and forever homes.
I’ve met hundreds of them — mutts of different ages and elderly purebred dogs were most common.
Here in the Philippines, buying and allowing dogs to breed at home are the top-of-mind method for acquiring new pets. Spaying and neutering are still considered taboo or unnecessary by many. Purebred dogs are preferred over mixed breed mutts. Plus, almost everyone wants puppies, gravely lowering the odds of shelter dogs being adopted, the longer they wait.
These beliefs make it incredibly difficult for pet adoption to thrive. And honestly? It hurts me most when I see my friends embrace these choices.
Being bitter over others’ choices will only stress you out.
As they proudly share about their newborn and puppies and exquisite purebred pets, I struggled inwardly.
Don’t get me wrong, they’re adorable! But I can’t help but think about a shelter dog who could have had a new home.
“How to cope if people close to you don’t share an advocacy u feel strongly about”, I once tweeted.
A good friend replied: “Accept you cannot change everyone’s mind, but as long as they respect yours and it doesn’t hurt anybody, it’s okey-dokey.”
Easier said than done, but he’s right.
My friends aren’t trying to not adopt shelter dogs. They’re just doing what brings them joy. Their beliefs and preferences are important too.
Live and let live. As long as it’s not hurting anybody, everything should be okey-dokey.
Share your beliefs freely, but nobody’s forced to take them. I’m allowed to want my plants to thrive indoors, but that doesn’t mean they will. And I just have to be okay with that. I can share about pet adoption, but it’s not my choice if anyone will follow suit.
You’re can want things to be a certain way. But how people live their lives is entirely up to them.
Being bitter over others’ choices will only stress you out. It’s also awfully childish to fret when you don’t get what you want.
Learn to live and let live. As long as it’s not hurting anybody, everything should be okey-dokey.
Lesson #2: No Gigil (Translation: Don’t Force It)
I want to that say things got better after I saved my Peace Lilies. But then, I’d be lying.
Soon, I learned about overwatering. Apparently, giving my plants water without letting the soil dry (to an acceptable level) can cause my plants’ roots to rot.
Weirdly, this frustrated me. I wanted my plants to grow FAST. And somehow, a part of me felt like more care, more attention, more water, and more everything would hasten the process. (Flawed logic, I know.)
In life and in nature, not everything can be forced.
One of the first seedlings I bought was a small golden pothos that had four leaves. My research told me they were fast growers.
A month passed, and there was barely any progress. Two months later, I got myself a new leaf. Just one.
I started researching fertilizers and considered feeding them a lot.
Thank God I didn’t, though. I could have killed it! Overfertilizing was as dangerous as overwatering. Also, fertilizers helped facilitate growth, but they couldn’t trigger it.
Bottom line: there was nothing I could do but stay consistent with my care… and wait.
Be Happier: Take Things in Stride
My friend is a successful salesman. One time, over lunch, he shared how happy he was to be done with his quota so early in the month. His performance has been consistent too. Very impressive.
Curious, I asked him what his secret was. After a few seconds of thought, he answered, “No gigil!”
In English, this meant to take things in stride.
“When you start appreciating plants beyond their aesthetic nature or their utility… you begin to appreciate a whole different perspective on plants — not just what they can do for us, but what they can teach us.”
— Summer Rayne Oaks (How To Make A Plant Love You)
This took me aback. I expected him to share about his fiery passion. Perhaps he had revolutionary networking techniques or super-effective power lines, too.
But loosening up? In sales? How?
As he explained further, I realized where the magic came from.
Instead of operating from fear and gigil (urge), to relax meant to trust. My friend trusted himself and his work ethic, his products, and his customers’ good judgment.
Instead of coming from an urge to produce, learn to trust.
If his prospect didn’t need what he was offering, he knew that no amount of pressure could push them to buy in good faith. His job was to present clearly, address issues with sincerity, and answer questions honestly. How they’d react would be entirely up to them.
Frankly, I thought the advice was odd. But based on my friend’s results, it works! I realized that maybe, it was the same with my plants.
In life and in nature, not everything can be forced.
Think about it: How many times have you beaten yourself up because you were impatient with your growth? How many times did you try to look for shortcuts because you wanted success to come quicker?
Sometimes, the best way to deal with unmovable objects is to stay the course: stay consistent, and operate from trust and patience.
Lesson #3: Embrace Complexity
Whenever I got a new plant, I’d instantly look for care tips expecting canonical guidelines and watering schedules. Imagine my frustration when I realized that standard watering schedules didn’t exist.
My plant’s needs would depend on several factors: the type of soil that I’m using, what the plant has been accustomed to (if it had a previous owner), where it’s placed, how hot or cold it is where I am, and etc.
It may share general care guidelines with others of the same genus. But as for specifics? Every plant is unique.
One of the essential skills I needed to learn as a “plant parent” was to listen.
Because of this, I realized that one of the most essential skills I needed to learn as a “plant parent” was to listen.
Of course, I don’t mean it to be literal. Plants don’t make sounds, after all. “Listening” to plants means using other “senses” — sight, touch, and intuition — to determine their needs.
I learned that there’s more to plants than what you see on the surface. Even though some of them look similar, they’re individuals that would thrive in varying conditions.
If you’re a new plant parent (or are thinking of becoming one), don’t worry. Google is a good start. With study, observation, and constant practice, you’ll eventually get the hang of it.
Avoid Disappointment By Not Putting Your Friends in Boxes
Recently, a close friend erased me from his social media channels.
This surprised me because, as far as I knew, we’ve been great friends for years. I soon learned that he disconnected himself from our other friends too.
This bothered me for weeks. It didn’t align with how I’ve known him.
There’s more to people than what’s on the surface. You can never claim to know anyone completely, no matter how close you are.
“This isn’t like him,” I’d vent. “He’s not this kind of person!”
Looking back, I realized: Did I have a right to say that?
Did I really know what kind of person he was? Did knowing him for years make me an expert on what he’s capable of doing?
Honestly, I don’t think anyone can claim that for another person. No matter how close you are, you can never really know everything about someone.
“To forget how to dig the earth and tend the soil is to forget ourselves.”
— Mahatma Gandhi
Disappointment begins with false hope: expecting someone to act a certain way — and then, they don’t.
As with plants, humans are complex creatures. There’s more to us than what’s on the surface. To avoid disappointment, learn to embrace complexity.
Understand that everyone’s different. Listen and keep listening — even if the next note wasn’t the one you expected.
Final Words
As you may have gathered, I’m not a plant expert. I’m still at the early stages of my journey, but so far, it’s been interesting.
“All the houseplants in the world will never supplant nature. They can, however, share in their origin story of how they get to our homes, pique our curiosity — acting as a lens into the greater world beyond the garden center — and maybe even, in their quiet, unassuming ways, encourage us to become better stewards here on Earth.”
— Summer Rayne Oaks (How To Make A Plant Love You: Cultivate Green Space In Your Home And Heart)
Plants don’t communicate the way I do, but they teach me many things through their beingness. I just needed to learn how to listen.
Taking care of my plants helped me become more sensitive to other forms of life around me. It challenged me to be more respectful, more trusting, more open— overall, a better person.
For that, I’m grateful. Plant care wasn’t a one-way relationship, after all
