How I Became a Public Speaking Coach Nine Years After an Epic Public Speaking Fail
And what you can learn from my experience
I am a new writer to Medium. Here is the story I didn’t want to tell. At least not yet. It was on the list, but well down the list.
My plan was this. Gain a following by sharing lots of helpful advice on improving public speaking skills and building confidence. Then tell this story. I didn’t feel ready to share it yet. And, I reasoned, it would be a waste if no one read it.
Three weeks into writing for Medium I realised two things. And they are closely related. Firstly, my plan was unlikely to work. Looking at my miserable statistics for my first few stories, I could see that gaining a following was going to be tough.
Secondly, this is the story people need. So, I am telling it now.
It feels risky on two counts. I don’t know my readers, and it is an uncomfortable story to share. But worse than having people read will be nobody reading it. And I know that is a strong possibility!
It began with a bad experience at school.
When I was eight years old, I was humiliated by my teacher. We had a daily times table test. I was good at math but not a fast thinker. One day I got behind at about question five and started panicking, which meant that I screwed up the rest of the test.
Everyone with a low score had to stand up and explain why to the whole class. When it was my turn, my teacher asked me to tell the class why I deserved to stay in the top math group! I sobbed and could not speak. Eventually, she told me to sit down.
I am sure this incident sowed the seeds for a future fear of public speaking.
A gap in my career knocked my confidence.
Early in my career as a public policy advisor, I had some shaky public speaking moments. But with good support and plenty of practice, my confidence grew.
In my thirties, I gained the respect of politicians at two local authorities as I led them through significant change processes. I don’t think I was an exceptional presenter, but I was knowledgeable and professional. My style was direct, and politicians of all persuasions felt they could trust me to provide objective advice.
In my late thirties, I started working part-time while caring for my young children. For the next ten years, I had much less exposure to public speaking.
When I re-entered the full-time workforce in my late forties, I had lost some of my public speaking confidence. I would quite often feel a wave of panic hit me, seemingly out of the blue. One time I presented to a room of around 100 senior leaders, and my mouth was so dry that I felt like I had a speech impediment. I am not sure how noticeable it was, but it worried me.
Even speaking up at a meeting could be enough to bring on that wave of panic. Sometimes I was okay. But it was unpredictable. I felt like I could not trust myself.
Pre-menopausal symptoms complicated all of this. I had hot flashes at the moments that I was most uncomfortable. It was hard to say whether the hot flashes caused the discomfort or the discomfort brought on the hot flashes.
What happened next was humiliating — and motivating!
Then came the epic fail. I was leaving work late one afternoon when I was asked to stay a little longer to brief the senior management team on an issue. I only have a hazy recollection of the topic. I cannot even remember everyone who was in the room (I think I have blanked it out!)
I had not had time to prepare, and I remember blurting something out. I start sweating, and I turned bright red. Then the opposite happened. All the blood drained from my face, I felt cold and clammy and fixed to the spot. I remember looking at the door and thinking that if I could move, I would run out!
Somehow I recovered and continued with the briefing. Everyone politely pretended not to notice. But it was clear that I had had a panic attack.
The next day, I walked past the Chief Executive’s office. His door was open, so I knocked and went in. I apologised for my performance and told him I did not understand what had happened. He didn’t say much, but he was kind. I remember him saying, “This in no way changes my high opinion of you.”
What I did next…
I left knowing that I had to act. I searched around for courses for people with an intense fear of public speaking. Eventually, I joined Toastmasters. It took me a long time to find the courage because I thought Toastmasters was for people who loved public speaking!
Instead, I found that Toastmasters provided a wonderful, supportive environment and that most people joined because they were initially nervous presenters.
I remember giving my first speech, known as the Icebreaker. It went so well that I left the meeting on a high!
Despite that initial success, it wasn’t an instant fix.
For at least the next five years, I experienced occasional moments of panic. But I found that I could let the wave of panic ride over me. If I just continued to talk, it went away, and I was pretty confident that no one else noticed. And the time between these anxious moments increased. I went days, then weeks, then months without experiencing one.
I found that public speaking was a skill I could learn. Writing a good speech was not difficult for me. But I had so much to learn about delivery! I learned to slow down, make eye contact, and pause. I learned to lighten up and stop taking myself so seriously. I learned how to be more “present” and to focus on offering something of value to my audience rather than worrying about what they thought of me.
I transitioned to being a public speaking coach.
Nine years after Toastmasters, I started my own coaching business for people with high levels of anxiety about public speaking. I share this story with them in the first session. I found that difficult at first, but I realised that it achieved two things. It reassured them that I understood what they were going through. And it demonstrated that it was possible to do something about it.
I have had many clients who have had their own public speaking failures, although most have not been as bad as mine! Many people worry about having a panic attack in front of an audience, but few have actually experienced a full-blown one!
I still feel hesitant about sharing my story more widely as I re-live the shame of that incident each time. But I think it is necessary. Although we know that a fear of public speaking is common, people don’t often admit to it.
I am proof that you can move on from a public speaking failure. Do I wish it hadn’t happened? That isn’t easy to answer. It was a mortifying experience. I still feel a little awkward when talking to people who I think may have been in the room at the time! But I would not be a public speaking coach if it hadn’t happened. And I love what I do.
If my experience sounds familiar, I hope you are encouraged by my story and motivated to act. Please don’t put it off. Most of my clients say that their biggest regret is not doing something sooner.
Before you act, you should be aware of a couple of things:
You need to make a long-term commitment.
It is a bit like fitness. You can’t expect to spend eight weeks at the gym and be fit for life. I tell my clients to “think small” and “think big”. I ask them to be realistic about what they can achieve in an eight-week course and optimistic about how good they could eventually become.
Also, like physical fitness, you can’t stop when you have achieved your public speaking goals.
You need regular speaking practice to maintain your public speaking “fitness”.
So, find a public speaking course or join Toastmasters. There are plenty of options but don’t agonise over finding “the right one”. Like joining a gym, almost all of them will deliver results as long as you put in the work.