How I Overcame My Loneliness After Graduation
A guide to help beat post-grad loneliness
On a breezy May evening in 2017, a few of us had gathered at a local bar in Berkeley. Huddled in a dimly lit corner section, completely oblivious to everyone around us, we were drinking the night away. And why wouldn’t we? We all had just graduated from our master’s program that morning.
We had spent two years hustling over project deadlines, grading assignments, hackathon submissions, and countless networking events trying to get to this day. But apart from all the anxiety and stress, these two years brought with it some of the best friendships and memories of my life. Before I knew it, I had gotten pretty fond of this bubble called college life.
And then came graduation day. We spent most of the evening at the bar, making promises about how we all will keep in touch once we start our professional life. And all that tequila helped cement our belief that staying in touch would be easy.
Initially, life after graduation was great. No more deadlines, no more skipped meals and all-nighters. I was still meeting up with friends for dinner and drinks. But as folks started relocating, as we slowly started getting ready for our jobs to start, little did I know that what was going to follow was going to be the loneliest I had felt in my life.
It was a pretty rough year that followed. I guess I was yearning to go back to the comfort of the bubble that a college provided, wanting to have that sense of community again, knowing that I can always count on finding friends to talk to across the hall. All those feelings finally caught up with me on my birthday, which ended with a panic attack later in the night. But more on that in another post.
At that time, I didn’t know if the weird feeling would ever go, if things would get better, or if I was going to have to accept this version of adult life. Fast forward to today, and I can happily say things do get better. Looking back on my life after graduation, I realized there were a few key things that helped me recognize that life can be pretty great even after college.
Colleagues can be friends.
I started my job believing that colleagues are only meant to be a part of my 9–5. Talk to them at work, grab lunch with them, maybe spend some time with them during work events or happy hour, and that’s it. Keep it professional. I kept telling myself that real friendships are waiting for me once I get done with work. That’s bul&$(it. Colleagues can be friends.
Let me rephrase: colleagues can be great friends.
It’s okay to let your guard down in front of coworkers sometimes. It’s okay to let them into your lives. Once I did that, everything changed. Before I knew it, I started to feel that sense of community again. By the end of my first year at work, I had traveled to LA for a colleague’s wedding, met up with one of them on their bag packing trip to India, and so much more. Slowly I started to make friends, and so can you.
Find hobbies to pursue.
This one is simple. Try more things. There are multiple virtual classes being held right now. Try out a dance class, a workout class, a cooking class, a sketching class. Love design? I bet there is a virtual design meetup happening. Find something you are interested in, and go try it out. You now have the freedom to stop working after 5 PM and go live your life.
Take advantage of that. Spend your Tuesday evenings learning how to make sushi and, in the process, find other people who also like making sushi. Six months into my new job, I started playing in a soccer league at a nearby community center. It was a great way to meet new people and develop some friendships. Even under the current circumstances, we meet up virtually every Tuesday to catch up over a game of FIFA. Rediscover old hobbies you have been thinking about and pursue them.
Find new ways to stay in touch with your school community.
Graduating does not mean that you cannot go back and participate in school events. You are now part of a bigger community; you are now an alum. Almost all schools have events where Alumni can come back to interact with current students and other alumni, and those are a great way to stay involved with your school after graduating.
You may even go back as part of a recruiting event for your current organization. I went back a couple of times after graduation for various events, and it’s lovely to reconnect with old professors and staff. There is a newfound appreciation. If you feel that there is no more reason to connect with folks at your school anymore, take a look in your inbox, I bet there is an email from your school’s alumni association, giving you a reason to come back.
Plan to meet with friends regularly.
Relationships don’t change. It’s the way we manage them that changes. So your friends are no longer across the hall from you. So what. They are still a text away. Life does get busier, and I won’t deny that. But it’s never too busy to find some time every once in a while to connect with friends. You might not be drinking with them every night, but you can still find a way to catch up over a coffee once a week.
Wednesday game nights aren’t a bad idea either. And if you think you don’t have that extra time to spare, find an activity that you can do with your friends that you would have done anyway. You don’t always have to meet at a bar. Next time you are about to head out for a run after work, ask your friend if they want to join. Trust me. They won’t say no.
Continue learning.
Remember those courses you couldn’t get to you when you were at school. Guess what you have time for now. With so many educational platforms now available on the internet, learning something new is just a few clicks away. If online courses are not your thing, you can also find in-person classes happening around you.
Maybe it’s not a course; perhaps it’s a life skill you want to pick up.
When I started working, I used my commute to learn about investing. Now that I was earning, I figured it was an excellent time to pick up financial planning 101. It doesn’t even need to be a life skill. You could spend time just reading. Reading is one of the best investments you can make with your time. Whatever you do, keep learning.
Make peace with it.
It took a while for me to accept that life was not going to be the same. But that’s the thing. It doesn’t have to be the same. Post-grad is a different phase of life, nevertheless a beautiful one — a part of life which brings with it so much possibility. We just have to let ourselves explore.
It’s okay if you don’t want to follow any of the above tips. Being with yourself after graduation is the best time to get to know who you are. Embrace this period. Spend that extra time on introspection, figuring out what you want to do in life. Focus on learning more about yourself, and understanding how to become the person you want to be.
