How I Won After Being A Loser
What happened after I experienced a taste of victory
I knew I would be a content creator ever since I transformed my socks into puppets.
Back then, dreaming things into reality was as easy as convincing my brothers that we should recreate arcade games in a real-life format. One of us would use the toilet brush as a make-pretend joystick and the other two would be the characters in the game.
My imagination and confidence lead me to believe that I could do anything.
Even fly.
My flying contraptions evolved from simply believing it was possible, Matilda-style, to creating wings from plastic packets after I felt I missed the magic train to Hogwarts when I was 11.
Somewhere after turning 12 things started to change…
I read that growing up is a trap, and well, I fell for it.
The Fall
From dreaming my imagination into reality, as I got older, I felt that I didn’t possess the power to make my wishes come true.
Shows like Idol, Survivor, and The Apprentice saw a change in how I perceived life.
I was marketed that if you have a dream, and you enter the right show; you could get a taste of global stardom where all your life's problems would disappear. Fame was positioned as the ultimate goal.
I moved from a place of self-expression to a space of adaption.
Who would I have to be to get past the first round of a show? What do I have to do to make it?
From accepting myself and freely expressing myself as a kid, I looked for acceptance and guidelines from producers and competition marketing materials.
I searched for the blueprint of success. I wanted to beat the algorithm that held the key to fame.
And for all the hard work, the research, the TV-ready personas I portrayed, all I got were no’s and rejection…
I entered my first TV Show at 16 and I’ve been experiencing no’s and levels of small to public rejection for the past 14 years now…
It’s been a long time of losing…
Getting Up Slowly
After years of losing, you come into contact with a lot of winners.
I noticed something extraordinary about the people who came out on top.
They had the same hunger as I did, but they were “cool”.
It’s almost as if they were comfortable in their skin and content that if things didn’t work out, the people in their lives wouldn’t think less of them.
They didn’t have that “I’ll prove you wrong” attitude. They also weren’t playing games and trying to gamify processes.
I watched a YouTube clip where Prianka Chopra said something along the lines of that if she went into a meeting and she was rejected from a role, she knew that her family would love her the same and that she had a safe place to fall back on.
For me, I felt as if I needed to prove a point to many people in my life.
I felt as if I was trying to constantly “save face” and, as a result, I approached opportunities out of a space of desperation.
Starting Again
I read, in a Seth Godin book, that an amateur has a mindset in which they need someone else to give them a break.
That hit hard because that’s exactly what I was doing with every opportunity.
I was a loser and an amateur for far too many years, and I realized I needed a win.
I needed to create my own opportunity.
So, I did that.
I created a whole bunch of hypothetical competitions that I deeply wanted to win.
And, I won!
I won an opportunity to film a documentary about a founder of a designer shoe business.
I won a shot to write and star in my own music video.
I won an opportunity to star in my own short film.
And my goodness, did it feel good to win.
A Winning Mindset
I found that I had put an unhealthy amount of pressure on myself to be what I thought others wanted.
When I created my own opportunities, I entered them from a level at which I was ready and capable.
I realized that all I want to do is create content that makes me happy.
I stepped into a space where it was ok to improve, to change, and to dream again.
Creating boundaries to abolish the desire for fame and external approval brought back that child-like spirit. Playfulness and creating for the fun of it became my goal again.
Gandhi said, “Gratitude is seeing what you have as enough.”
I have enough. I am enough.
I don’t need someone to give me a break.
And, neither do you…
What would you do if you allowed yourself some wins?
