How My Wife Succeeded by “Failing” for Three Years
We’re so grateful it took so long for things to work out.
When my wife, Jessica, was onto hiring her third production team for The Timemaker, a movie she wrote and starred in, she interviewed a man, Edward (not his real name), for the then-empty director spot. Jessica had already gone through two directors, both turning out to be unreliable for the job. Edward knew he was close to getting the spot, and decided to take advantage of the situation and nudge Jessica into hiring him.
“And to be honest, you don’t have another year to play this role,” he said to her.
Gross.
Jessica, 26 at the time, was 22 when she finished the script for The Timemaker and started pre-production. Now Edward was trying to subtly-but-not-so-subtly suggest she was getting too old for the roll, an 18-year old girl named Lark.
Jessica looks young. Really young. She once got carded for ordering cranberry juice while we sat at a restaurant bar (where you don’t need to be 21 to be there.).
Jessica knew Edward’s comment came from his fear of possibly not getting the job and was just an ugly way of trying to secure the spot. But he aced the rest of the interview, and Jessica was ready to get the filming started after much work and heartbreak with the previous production teams.
Edward was hired for the job.
Jessica didn’t tell me about Edward’s nasty comment until much later, and it’s hard for me to say whether or not I wish she’d had told me about it sooner. I definitely would’ve answered with a big fat, “Fuck that,” and been ready to twist that plump, little man into a pretzel shape and roll him down the road, telling him never to return, like in some illustrated fable or fairy tale. But I also know that everything is always working out for our highest good, and this intervention clearly wasn’t needed.
Later, Edward failed to uphold any of his agreements and did nothing to maintain the integrity of the project. He also let the actors run away with their own desired interpretations of the story, while they ignored Jessica and at times outright disrespected her. After a couple of weekends of this nonsense, Jessica fired Edward, and the entire cast and crew, and scrapped all of the filming that had finally happened after 3–4 years of trying to get it started.
She cried, a lot, it was a hard decision, but I was and am so proud of her. You need to be able to make decisions no matter how tough they feel to have what you want. You must be able to overcome your fears and stand up for your vision.
After firing everyone this time, Jessica and I decided to make the movie ourselves. Neither of us had any experience of producing a film, and I had zero film experience at all. I had just started learning about videography for my own business and projects, and then put that learning into hyperdrive to catch up and do the cinematography for the movie. We were determined and believed in ourselves. It was September 2018.
This month on October 2nd, 2020, two years later, we submitted the movie to the Sundance Film Festival, the most well-known independent film festival in the U.S.
Now, coming back to the age thing, when we set out on our first filming weekend after Edward and everyone was fired, Jessica was quietly feeling insecure about her age as the project got started yet again. Jessica, her dad, and I (this movie happened with a lot of support from our families) were filming on an empty country road in Wisconsin when a police officer pulled over and got out of his car. He asked what we were doing and said someone reported two men talking to a young girl on the side of the road.
“They called me young?!” Jessica shouted, clearly delighted. Fortunately, I still had the camera rolling and have this reaction on video.
“They called you 12,” the policeman responded. The report came from someone worried that a 12-year-old girl was being talked to by 2 strange men on the side of the road.
After thorough questioning to make sure our story was legit, the police officer left. Jessica, feeling more confident, was finding it easier now to shake Edward’s not-so-sly age comments from her mind.
During the two years of filming, Jessica sometimes felt afraid she was too old to play the role, that she “missed the boat.” She wrote a role to play 18 when she was 22. She ended up filming for that role at 26 and finished at 28.
She would also get fears that the movie just wasn’t meant to be made. Why did it feel so hard? Why did so much seem to not work out? This was crew number four, and there was so much work for us to do it all ourselves while each running our own businesses, which at one point led to massive burnout.
Fast-forward to today, here’s the best part. Now, The Timemaker, a movie she wrote in 2015, which features a world that has just survived a pandemic, is eerily timely and close to prophetic. Loved ones have been lost, school is online, and until the vaccine was received everyone was required to wear masks (the movie starts on the day the three main characters get their vaccine.) It will be the first movie to address emotions related to the experiences we’ve had as a planet this year.
The time it took for her to decide to direct her own movie and take full leadership, to learn what she needed to learn through her experiences, wasn’t a falter. It was life happening perfectly. You can’t plan for something like this.
There is perfect timing happening in your life, too. I promise. All you ever need to do to experience it is to get started or keep going, whether that’s starting your business, finding a partner, having a family, or following your dreams — expect success, tell yourself repeatedly that you deserve it, keep going, pay attention, and apply what you learn along the way. And when you need to, ask for help. You’ll find your way, and when you get there, you’ll see the magic too.
I’m a life coach and business consultant helping endlessly-curious, creative, and passionate people make money doing what they love, attract their ideal partner, and live life as they’ve always wanted. Follow me on Instagram where I share daily words of encouragement, tips to create a life you love, and behind the scenes on growing a creative, heart-led business.
