How to Eliminate Negativity in Your Life

Strategies that will help you feel good about yourself

Dayana Sabatin
Jun 22, 2020 · 8 min read
Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash

ot many people understand or even know that happiness is actually a choice. They believe that happiness is simply a positive reaction elicited by certain events.

I was one of those people. I used to believe that happiness stemmed from success, or something going in my favor. So I never truly allowed myself to feel joy, unless I thought I deserved it.

This resulted in a lot of pain, a lot of self-rejection, and feelings of guilt for not being where I thought I needed to be.

When you allow yourself to give in to these types of thoughts, you innately allow negativity into your life. You begin to degrade yourself and belittle your efforts.

You start telling yourself, “I’ll be happy when I make X amount of money,” or, “I’ll be happy when I get this job promotion,” or my all-time favorite, “I’ll be happy when I look like this person.”

Those are just a few of the psychological impediments that we allow to hold us back from living the life we truly desire.

By constantly telling yourself that you can’t be happy or fulfilled until you obtain something, you allow yourself to live in a negative state of mind that forces you to bypass every single thing in your life that is good. It’s human nature to nit-pick and find flaws in everything.

What if you were able to change that?

What if instead of immediately identifying all of the flaws and all of the negatives, you flipped the switch and instead learned to point out the good?

How would your life change if every morning you woke up and made the conscious decision to commit to being happy?

What if you allowed yourself to stop waiting for good things to come and simply enjoyed what you already have while understanding that you’re on the right path to achieve more success in your life?

What if you could eliminate the negativity in your life and just be… happy?

Here’s how you can learn to eliminate negativity, and ultimately become the happiest version of yourself.

Strive Toward Freedom

One thing that holds people back from living a happy life is the feeling of being restricted.

Dieting is a common restriction that people impose on themselves. When you set a goal for your physical self, you strive towards achieving a certain “look” or a certain body weight. While being healthy should always be a priority, for certain people, dieting can often result in negative consequences.

You might feel down if you don’t achieve the exact results that you want, you might feel negative about yourself because you think you didn’t work hard enough if you don’t see immediate and drastic changes.

When looking to start a diet, you should always focus on sustainability. Choose what you can sustain long-term as opposed to getting quick results now that will fade in the long run. That is why intuitive eating exists, it gives you the sense of freedom you need in order to achieve the results that you want in the long run.

Whichever aspect of your life feels restrictive, whether it’s dieting, fiances, choose to strive towards freedom instead of restriction. Allow yourself to be exposed to opportunities rather than remaining closed off to everything in the world.

Stop Taking Life Personally

Not everybody is out to hurt you.

I’ve always been a very defensive person, partially because I’ve never felt like I had that many people in my corner. I’ve always been an introvert so I didn’t grow up with many friends, which resulted in me being extremely sensitive towards people who had different perspectives.

I read once that when we pass judgment on others, we’re actually saying something about ourselves.

Instead of always thinking that every person with a different opinion is trying to disagree with you, learn that not everyone was raised the same way as you. Not everybody read the same books, watched the same movies, and heard the same stories as you.

Everybody listens in a different way. Everybody experiences, feels, and understands things in their own way. And, just because your point of view doesn’t match up, doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or them. It just means you have differences, and it’s 100% ok to have differences. Once you learn to accept that, you will feel free, you will be more understanding, and you’ll stop taking everything at face value.

Create Goals and Stick With Them

Aligning yourself with the person that you want to become will push you to not only do better but be better.

It’s important to have goals, ambitions, and strive towards something. It’s important to have a sense of direction to know where you’re headed in life.

You’ll never really know exactly where you end up, but if you have set goals for yourself, you’re able to create structure in your life that gives you an idea of what you need to do in order to get to where you want to be.

Identifying the type of person that I wanted to be and what I wanted to be known for has helped me realize what actions I needed to take first.

Once you’re able to do that, you begin eliminating all of the unnecessary things out of your life. Things that don’t add to your goals, things that don’t add to your happiness can slowly get cut out.

You Are the Company That You Keep

People can steal energy from you.

When you have mismatched energy with the people around you, oftentimes the negative energy is the one that wins.

Choose the people that you spend time with carefully. Everything in your life should be adding more joy, not taking away from it.

Focus on quality, not quantity.

The people in your life should not be draining you, the job you have should be inspiring you, the things you have should make you feel good about yourself.

Take inventory of your life and ask yourself, “does this add to my life?”

The people in your life should be adding value to your life, just as you are adding value to theirs.

Give Yourself Digital Detoxes

Social media is the epitome of our culture nowadays.

It’s also a place where everyone shares the best versions of themselves.

Yes, it’s a great way to connect with friends and loved ones, but it’s also a black hole of comparison and oftentimes, leads to you feeling bad about yourself because you may not have the level of success as your friend from high school, or perhaps your feed is filled with fitness influencers and all you do is spend your time comparing your weight to theirs.

Allowing yourself a detox gives you a break. It provides you with a sense of clarity and allows you to remember what’s truly important.

Remember, you only see 10% of people's lives on social media. You may think Kylie Jenner has it together because she has a nice house and rocking body, but you don’t know the other 90% of what goes on in her life.

It’s all about balance. Take a break every now and then, or better yet, delete any account that makes you feel negative about yourself. Fill your feed up with the people that inspire you rather than make you feel crappy.

Self-Care Rituals

Developing self-care rituals always allows me to become more self-aware of how I am feeling and what is bothering me.

Sometimes, you just need a break. You can’t always be positive, you can’t always be a radiating ball of energy. If you’re stressed, if you’re tired and burnt out, it’s imperative to set time aside to destress, declutter your mind and relax your body.

Self-care doesn’t have to sidetrack your progress, it can be done by doing the little things that bring you joy.

Take walks in the morning, get a cup of coffee from your favorite cafe, read a good book that brings you pleasure, cook yourself a divine dinner, do the things that make you feel good.

Show Kindness

We’re all constantly wrapped up in our own busy lives and frustrating problems.

Making others feel good will in turn, make you feel good.

Be kind to strangers, be kind to your friends, your family. People need other people.

Through people, you’re able to find meaningful connections and foster supportive and positive relationships that can help you in general, as well as in your times of need.

Eliminate Negative Self-Talk

Bringing yourself down is one of the biggest things you need to learn to eliminate if you want to get rid of the negativity in your life.

Would you ever tell your best friend or the closest person to you that they’re ugly? Or unsuccessful? Or that they don’t do enough?


Oh. So why would you do it to yourself?

It’s important to be aware of the voice in the back of your head and how it influences the way you think, feel, and behave.

Switch your negative self-talk into positive talk. Begin each morning with a journaling session of your goals, have positive mantras to utilize when confronted with negative thoughts.

You have the power to change your mood, you have the power to change your thinking. You are fully in control of yourself and you need to start utilizing your power for good.

Express Yourself

Negativity often exists when you don’t allow yourself to come to terms with what you are feeling.

Bottling things up will always get you into trouble. Making the conscious decision to be happy won’t take away every negative emotion in your life, and you don’t want it to.

You want to be able to learn how to deal with those emotions in a healthy manner, you don’t want to get rid of them entirely.

Find your creative outlet and utilize it. I like to journal in the mornings and take into account my present emotions, how I felt the day before, what was bothering me, what problems I currently face, and what actions I can take to be better.

Writing is a way for me to say the things I can’t say.

Find your form of expression and use it every day to relieve the pressures of everyday life.

Learn To Be Grateful

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” — Robert Brault

Practicing gratitude daily can strengthen your emotional well-being because it can transform your energy as well as reinforce positive expectations throughout your day.

Think about it, if you’re constantly in a negative state of mind, wishing, and hoping for good things and success to hit you, you fail to acknowledge all of the things you already have. You start to believe that you don’t have anything in your life that brings you joy.

Start focusing on the things that you already do have in your life that make you happy.

A lot of people fear that being grateful for what you currently have, will prevent you from achieving more, they believe that being content means you’re settling for mediocrity.

In reality, practicing gratitude simply allows you to notice the abundance in your life. This makes you feel happier and it makes you more self-aware.

According to a story on Forbes, Oprah Winfrey has a gratitude journal that she writes in consistently.

“Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life.” — Oprah Winfrey

At the end of the day, the moment you start acknowledging all of the things you have to be grateful for is the moment you stop worrying about all the things you think would make you happier.

The Ascent

Aspire to something greater.

Dayana Sabatin

Written by

Writer sharing thoughts on self-improvement and relationships. Connect with me: IG: dayana_sabatin YT:

The Ascent

The Ascent is a community of storytellers documenting the journey to a happier and healthier way of living. Join thousands of others making the climb on one of the top publications on Medium.

Dayana Sabatin

Written by

Writer sharing thoughts on self-improvement and relationships. Connect with me: IG: dayana_sabatin YT:

The Ascent

The Ascent is a community of storytellers documenting the journey to a happier and healthier way of living. Join thousands of others making the climb on one of the top publications on Medium.

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