How to Embrace Your Imperfection
And celebrate your unique features.
What are three things you love about your body?
Hard question? Let’s make it easier.
What are three things about your body you want to improve?
Much easier right?
It is believed that human beings are biologically programmed to look for bad, dangerous, or negative threats in the world around us — what we call the negativity bias.
In early human life, this helped us stay safe and survive.
Unfortunately, rather than searching our environment for life-threatening predators, these days we are subconsciously also searching for the things we perceive to be “wrong” with our bodies. A modern-day side-effect of the negativity bias.
Most of us spend too much of our time trying to perfect the way we look, irrespective of the consequences. Injecting hormones to grow muscles and fillers to smooth out our smile lines, desperately holding on to our youth. We cut into our bodies to remove or insert, hopelessly seeking approval from our peers while ignoring our true needs.
Not everyone goes to these extremes, but no one is immune to the feeling of not being enough. We used to think that only women struggled with body image but that is far from the truth. More recently it has become clear that both women and men suffer.
The truth is, no amount of external manipulation will help you find acceptance — it must come from within. You must learn to accept and love yourself for who you are now if you wish to feel happy in your own skin in the future.
The problem is, with so many distractions around most of us have lost connection with our true selves and with it, the ability to listen to our most basic needs.
It’s Personal
I am naturally skinny and struggle to gain weight. You would think that’s something to be excited about. But for much of my life, I wasn’t. Because I struggle to gain weight, I also struggle to gain muscle mass and lose it quickly if I do.
A feature of my particular body type. Thin, slender, small chest, long limbs, flat butt, with even fitted jeans appearing lose around my glutes. Not something a young gay guy would be particularly proud of. For that and other reasons, I struggled with my body and looks in my teens and twenties.
It’s not easy feeling good in your own skin when the comments you get after spending hours in the gym week after week, are along the lines of “what’s the point?” and “what have you got to show for it?”.
Of course, the added pressure of being gay — both because of how homosexuality is still considered taboo and the disgraceful discrimination that exists within the community itself — does not help.
Modern Day Shenanigans
It has taken me years to learn to be happy with myself, and I feel lucky that I never had to deal with the added pressure of social media. I can only imagine what teenagers today must be going through, constantly inundated with images of “perfect” looking men and women on their social feeds.
There is no such thing as perfect!
But it’s not just social media. Everywhere we look these days, advertising is trying to convince us that we should have bigger muscles, whiter teeth, better hair, fewer wrinkles, be thinner, have more curves, be less black but more tanned, be taller, have a better job, earn more money, etc.
All of which only adds to the feeling of not being enough.
It is unfortunate how this situation only seems to be getting worse. Suicides and self-harm are on the rise, even in pre-teens. However, as much as we love to point fingers and blame someone else for the way we feel, the only place to find acceptance is within ourselves.
We are all still 100% responsible for our own lives. Understanding that, is empowering. It allows you to take control of your life, including your emotions. Not only have I done it myself, but I have seen many other people do it as well.
It takes a lot of hard work, but if you follow the steps below you too can start to learn to accept yourself.
Take a break from social media.
Social media is excellent at fuelling our insecurities. From images of perfect beach-ready bodies to filters that help “improve” your appearance.
Deepak Chopra said whatever you give your attention to, grows. If your attention is attracted to negative situations and emotions, then they will grow in your awareness.
In other words, if you are focusing on not having the “perfect body” or looking good enough, then you will continue to do so.
Taking a break from social media will help move the attention away from what you don’t have. Giving you time to slow the negative thinking patterns and refocus your attention on more positive things.
Try it! Just for a week — I dare you. At the end of the week notice if you feel any different?
Notice when you’re criticizing others.
Do you ever find yourself criticizing someone else's choice of clothes, hair colour, teeth, tone, build or any other feature of their appearance? When we criticise others, it is almost always a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.
Next time you notice yourself being critical of someone’s appearance, try and turn your attention inwards and check if you are just feeling insecure about yourself in some way. Try and be honest and objective without judgment.
Then change the story. Find admiration, approval, and appreciation. Compliment yourself and others for your uniqueness.
Celebrate your “imperfections.”
No one and nothing is perfect! So why strive for perfection?
Imperfection is sexy.
Celebrate what makes you unique. Love your moles. Adore your asymmetry. Appreciate your scars. Celebrate all your imperfections. These are part of you and what makes you unique. There is only one of you in this world, so embrace yourself for who you are.
Give yourself daily affirmations.
Every day, find something positive to say about yourself. Your hair, your teeth, your eyes, your lips, your ears, your neck, your feet, etc. Look yourself in the mirror, focus on that point of your body, admire it, and say the words “I love my _______” several times.
This will probably feel incredibly awkward but with practice, it will begin to feel more natural. Attaching positive emotion to your affirmation sends a signal to your brain that you are enough, just as you are.
Final Thought
The negativity bias is strong in all of us. But with positive daily actions and practices, we can develop a much healthier and positive relationship with ourselves and the people around us.
