How to “Find Yourself” While Traveling in Far Eastern Europe… And Realize It’s All Bullshit
For anyone who loves traveling, they understand that at some point, they’ll arrive somewhere that they just can’t put their finger on.
I’m currently in Kiev, Ukraine, where I have potentially hit that point of…”Uh, what is going on here?”
For reference, I have been to most of Southeast Asia and Europe, and all over North America. I’ve been to what people might have used to call “third world” countries. I’ve been to what people might consider the most luxurious, largest metropolises in the world.
Sometimes, you go to a city that can feel like both. A few of the capitals in Southeast Asia make me feel this way in particular.
I have never met a city like Kiev. It is of the four European countries still considered “Lower-Middle Income”, and considered by locals to be stuck in time despite their citizens being very educated and having great agricultural production.
I came to Ukraine on a whim after I left the Poland-Germany leg of my trip. Berlin was a bit of a disappointment, Wroclaw was a quiet city escape. I came to Kiev with high expectations, and in some ways, it delivered. In some ways, it did not.
However, what’s safe to say is that I will never quite forget visiting Kiev. I think every traveller’s dream is to go someplace and “find themselves”.
On the outside, it looks like my trip to Kiev was filled with pretty churches, cheap beer and friendly locals. Dig a bit deeper, and each experience I had in Kiev taught me something greater.
Here’s my five-step process to “finding yourself” while traveling…and realize it’s all bullshit:
Step 1: Accept that you don’t need to find yourself
When I was walking down Khretschyatyk Street, I was dumbfounded by how different Kiev was. The overall quality of construction and life reminded me of China. The gorgeous churches reminded me of Greece. And the city’s secret decadence reminded me of Prague, Berlin or Stockholm.
The first thing I did was try my broken Russian on a local. She laughed and, probably out of pity, took me around the city and showed me the best sights. We did our best to communicate via Google Translate, and while I was the tourist, the fascination and attention tipped back in forth between us.
She was from a small town just outside of Kiev and had never left Ukraine in her entire life, and every time I asked her a question about a church or building, she would fire right back with one about where I came from.
She wanted to know about Vancouver, Toronto, Edmonton, New York and Los Angeles. Her dream was to go to Miami, but she admitted for various reasons, moving to a bigger city like Kiev or somewhere in Europe, like Barcelona.
But it just dawned on me. Here’s me, viewing Kiev as this gorgeous, amazing paradise. And it is. But it’s just crazy that she’s 100 times more obsessed with visiting or moving to where I am from.
Eventually, we agreed to disagree. Kiev is a great place, and so is Canada. In both cases, she and I aren’t some “lost souls” who need to find the right city. The right city could help, but ultimately, in our conversation we found perspective.
Step 2: Accept that even if you were to find yourself, you wouldn’t do it in one place
Before this trip, I was doing some things to try and offset a negative mindset. A business acquaintance and I had gotten into a disagreement my last night in Wroclaw, and I was excited to head to Kiev. On some level, I was hoping that a visit to a cheaper, fun city like Kiev to help out with it. Sometimes, cheap beer and a city filled with beautiful women help with things like that.
However, that’s the wrong mindset. Like in Step 1, expecting one situation, trip or action to solve a multi-layered problem with deeper roots is generally what people who will never be happy do.
Step 3: Start writing down the places that mattered to you to the most and why
In case you don’t journal or take notes while you are traveling, you should start.
Some of you consider Thailand your favourite place to visit. Others hated it and liked Sri Lanka better.
But have you ever thought about why that is? Was it the people? Was it the sights?
In order to get the most out of traveling, it helps to reflect on why you liked certain places, and why you didn’t like others. Without that, it will be impossible for you to plan your next trips.
Moreover, you hear a lot about how traveling “changes” people, or makes them “better” in some way. Many an article has been written on this, but everyone I know who has benefitted from traveling takes down their thoughts in a journal.
To this day, my favourite vacation was going to the islands in Thailand. Why? It was a vacation that started off poorly but was fixed by meeting some really awesome people that to this day, I keep in touch with.
I’ve done more trips to other tropical islands, such as Gili Trawangan and the Greek islands. But I don’t remember those trips as fondly for the simple fact that I didn’t meet as many amazing people on those trips.
Writing down what activities made you and those said people bond, for example, is a more productive way of recapturing the magic of that trip than say, simply going to another tropical island.
Traveling is a transient activity and you won’t become best friends with everyone you meet, but writing down what worked and what didn’t on trips will simply help you get so much more out of your trips.
Step 4: Write down one or two important takeaways or characteristics you have a person from those places
Continuing from above, you want to make sure you’re writing down one or two takeaways from each trip. For me, coming out of Kiev, it’s to never take things for granted. I’d foolishly visited thinking it was like the Vegas of Eastern Europe, which in some ways, it can be. But what I took coming out of Kiev was the ability to be more grateful towards what I have.
You never know how lucky you are to have something until you talk to an entire nation of people who wish they had it: Canadian citizenship.
Step 5: Find the common ground between these places and chase these situations
When I was in Kiev, I realized one sobering reality: I’m no longer as fond of solo traveling as I once was. I’ve done four months in Asia, as well as three separate Europe trips by myself. It’s been amazing, and the amount of personal growth I’ve experienced from it has been tremendous.
But as I write, the second leg of my trip will be largely done with friends I have. At some point, the more you travel and discover who you are, sometimes you start discovering that that person has changed.
More really awesome Medium articles to read on this topic:
- Travel Is Not How You Find Yourself, It’s How You Escape Yourself by Brianna Wiest
- You Will Never Actually Find Yourself by Tom Kuegler
- How To Actually “Find Yourself” by Jessica Nicasio
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