How to survive an insecure boss that’s ruining your life

Twice in my career I’ve had to work for an insecure boss. Hands down, the worst, most soul crushing five years of my life.

When you have an insecure boss, their lack of self-confidence taints everything. They are controlling and vindictive.

They probably need therapy, but save leaving your copy of Psychology Today in the lunch room, there’s not much you can do about that.

Insecure leaders are entirely unpredictable. If you catch them in a moment when they are feeling confident, they can be friendly, capable, and supportive.

But the moment something triggers their insecurity, watch out! That’s when they get defensive and petty. It’s never going to be fun to work for an insecure boss, but here’s what you can do to survive.

It’s Not Me, It’s You

If you’re working for an insecure boss, you’re going to get yelled at, set straight, and micromanaged.

Your first reaction might be to see this as a reflection of your lack of ability. When you question yourself and wonder what you could possibly be doing wrong, don’t exclude the possibility that the only thing you’re doing wrong is threatening your boss with your strong performance.

Take heart, if your insecure boss hates you, it’s probably because you’re good.

Keep a positive mindset and stay centered in your own self-esteem. Never let a boss rock your belief in yourself.

Keep Him Whole

Triggering your boss’ insecurity is going to create misery for both of you.

Instead, find ways to let your boss feel that he is in control. Where you have success, make him a part of it. “Thanks so much for the discussion last week; it really got my ideas flowing.”

Where you think change is necessary, use language that shows you respect your boss’ power and position. “We need to change how we interact with the marketing team. How are you thinking about our relationship with them?” “What do you see as the biggest opportunities to change things for the better?”

Find Other Outlets

If you’re stuck with an insecure boss, forget going to her with all your whiz bang ideas for how to make things better.

Insecure bosses tend to like the status quo because at least they know they can keep their heads above water in the present scheme.

But shutting off your brain for a couple of years isn’t the answer. Instead, find sponsors in the organization who will include you in other forums and projects.

Build Your Own Reputation

I hate to say it, but building relationships across the organization isn’t just about flexing your brain every once in a while. Your insecure boss might be downplaying your strength in talent reviews.

That’s why it’s important for you to have your own relationships with key stakeholders.

Be careful though, your participation outside the team will feel threatening to your boss so you need to keep your boss in the loop.

In the end, the best leverage you have over an insecure boss is to make yourself indispensable to the organization.

If you do that, your boss will know she’s safer with you than without you — and that matters to someone who is insecure. As long as you’re willing to share the spotlight and reflect some of your success on her, your job will be unpleasant but secure.

Your best bet with an insecure boss is to make her better off with you than without you.

I empathize. Working for an insecure leader is almost as bad as it gets.

You’ll have to maintain your own self-esteem in the face of continual attempts to undermine it.

At the same time, you need to feed the insatiable beast that is your boss’ fragile ego.

I wouldn’t recommend putting up with this for the long haul, but these techniques should calm things down and make you insecure boss bearable for a while.