How To Use Stoicism to Cushion the Pain of Getting Laid Off
Reading Stoic quotes will not change your life. Practicing them will.
“What now…?” That was the first question I asked myself after being told I was laid off.
The oil industry crashed. The company I worked for struggled to stay profitable. Then, it was sold to a bigger company.
Due to the lack of revenue and corporate restructuring, I had to go…
But why me?! Of all the other employees, why me?
Even when they said it had nothing to do with my performance, I couldn’t help but wonder: why me?
It hurt because I cared about my job and loved the people I worked with. Then this happens. It was shocking, sad, a little upsetting combined with a hint of self-pity.
As soon as I got home, I went on a “mission” to uncover the mystery: Why me? That meant locking myself in a room to reflect on what I did that led to that decision.
However, even after hours of reflection, I wasn’t able to figure out the “real” reason why.
Fast-forward to today. I still haven’t figured out the reason why. I eventually accepted that in life, you almost always never get the real answer. You’re limited to educated assumptions.
What happened to me was one of the many external events that are beyond my control. If I had to do it all over again, I would let go of my pursuit for “the truth” as soon as I (emotionally) can. Then, focus more on what I can do about it.
Such is one of the core lessons of Stoicism — only worry about what you can control:
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…” — Epictetus
What is Stoicism? Here’s how The Daily Stoic defines it:
“It’s a philosophy designed to make us more resilient, happier, more virtuous and more wise–and as a result, better people, better parents and better professionals.”
Of All The Other Employees, Why Me?
What happened to you was unfortunate. However, if you look around, you’ll realize this happens a lot.
Most companies, at some point, struggle to make money. It’s a natural part of a business’ growth cycle. Much like you (who cannot control external events), companies don’t have control over the demands of the market.
From a business perspective, what happened to me made perfect sense. I needed to go because that would cause the least damage to the company’s operations.
That said, the decision had nothing to do with me.
This shift in perspective is what made things less painful. It was no longer personal. The reason why it hurt initially was that I (unconsciously) attached my identity to my career. I forgot the fact that my career is only a part of my identity, not my whole identity.
“Ego is the enemy.” — Ryan Holiday
You Lost a Job, Not Your Career
You’ll hear people say, “It’s going to be OK…” but those words of comfort don’t mean much when you’re hurt. The emotional stress blocks other people’s ability to connect and share the pain with you.
But how much time do you plan on taking to process and fully accept what just happened?
Some will suggest you take as much time as you can to recover. However, with that approach, you’re more inclined to focus on yourself (this is your ego at play). You forget that Life continues to move along.
People who care are still there to support you through this challenge. You still have responsibilities that need your attention (bills, pets, kids, health and housework). I don’t know about you, but it would be sad to let one sad event drag everything down with it.
“Do now what nature demands of you. Get right to it if that’s in your power. Don’t look around to see if people will know about it. Don’t await the perfection of Plato’s Republic, but be satisfied with even the smallest step forward and regard the outcome as a small thing.”
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 9.29.(4)
Now, I’m not dismissing the fact that it takes time to process and fully accept the bad things that happen to you. Simply reading a quote can’t reduce that pain you’re feeling…but it’s a start.
The magic happens when you gradually change that perspective by internalizing Epictetus’ advice whenever you question Life’s toughest challenges:
“Whenever you find yourself blaming providence, turn it around in your mind and you will see that what has happened is in keeping with reason.”
— Epictetus, Discourses, 3.17.1
What happened had to happen.
It’s All Part of the Grand Plan
Life’s challenges aka “the struggles,” while we try to avoid them, are also what makes our lives more interesting. It’s a human need. Otherwise, life is going to be boring.
These struggles are best viewed as Life’s “tools” to push us to grow. It is its way of preparing you for much tougher challenges in the future.
“Just as the nature of natural things has given to each person their rational powers, so it also gives us this power-just as nature turns to its own purpose any obstacle or any opposition, sets its place in the destined order, and co-opts it, so every rational person can convert any obstacle into the raw material for their own purpose.”
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 8.35
When I was laid off, I used the time to gain clarity of what I really want out of my career…and my life in general. I didn’t see how things would unfold then, but now, everything made sense.
Life knew I needed a break. It also knows that my job (because I don’t complain about it) distracts me from taking that much-needed break. I didn’t have time for other things. I come home always feeling tired. Getting laid off was Life’s way of forcing me to take a break.
You and I both know you are not going to be unemployed forever. So before life becomes too busy (again), use this time to get clear with what you really want. Use it to build a better version of yourself — the kind that can do more and handle tougher challenges.
“I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent — no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.” — Seneca
Unemployment, while it made me suffer financially, also paved the way to my life’s new purpose: to find out what I’m really capable of.
This may sound cliché…but only for people who are watching on the sidelines. Whoever is set out to realize their true potential doesn’t have time to watch others. She or he is the show’s main character. He or she (as per Theodore Roosevelt) is “the man in the arena”.
Conclusion
Stoicism can turn the pain of getting laid off to your advantage. Not only for this event but also for future unfortunate events. It helps you master the art of changing your perspective.
However, note that simply changing your perspective weighs nothing. Stoicism is a discipline that needs to be practiced — not a chant to brighten your day.
“That’s why philosophers warn us not to be satisfied with mere learning, but to add practice and then training. For as time passes we forget what we learned and end up doing the opposite, and hold opinions the opposite of what we should.” — Epictetus, Discourses, 2.9.13–14.
Start by permitting yourself to stop dwelling in the pain.
Then do something about it. Take action.
Small progress (however small they are) add up over time. Keep at it.
I wouldn’t have what I have today if I didn’t get laid off.
I’m sure you’ll be better off as well after this.
