7 life lessons I learned from years of living alone
Generally, you hear about teens wanting to “grow up” and getting a place of their own. Or, twenty-something-year-olds bagging their first job, moving to a new city, renting an apartment, and learning to adult.
My story… is slightly different. And a bit funny when I think about it.
Through all the years of me graduating, hunting for jobs, getting into relationships, and so on,
I decided to grow… by staying put.
And my family decided to grow… by moving out.
*face-palm*
Dad moved to a different state, and my brother moved to a whole new country. Mom tagged along with Dad, of course.
5 years ago, the idea of my family being scattered across the globe didn’t sit well with me. And for a girl who’s extremely sensitive(or rather, used to be)—this was a living nightmare.
Depression. Unemployment. Toxic relationships. Low self-confidence. Feelings of worthlessness and uncertainty, made it even worse.
But you know what? I have no regrets. Them moving out was the best thing that could happen to me.
Here’s why:
#1 You learn to become your own role model
When I was younger, I remember I had gone grocery shopping with my older brother. I was carrying two, pretty heavy plastic bags. It felt like they were cutting into my skin. So, I asked him if he could help me with just one. He denied, and said that I could do it myself. For the longest time, I wondered why he didn’t offer to help.
There were many other instances such as this one. And for years, I thought he hated me. But, little did I know that he was only prepping me so I could be more independent. He, in his own ways, showed me that life is going to get a bit rocky from now on, and that it was time for me to toughen up.
Carrying those two plastic bags is nothing compared to the heavy lifting I’m doing every waking hour of my life, now. On one of my not-so-fine days, when all hell breaks loose, and I have no one physically present to help me pick up the broken pieces—who else can I bank on, but myself?
Living alone, without a doubt, has made me stronger, wiser, independent, and more accountable for all my actions. If I’m going to be my own role model, then I may as well set a darn good example.
Oh, and when my self-esteem tank is running low on fuel, I crank up the volume of this song.
Boss lady mode—instantly switches on.
#2 You come face to face with all your demons
…only so you can cleanse and nurture your soul.
That constant chatter in your head. That mind-numbing voice telling you that you’re not good enough. You’re not loved. You’re stupid. Incompetent. Hopeless. And that you’ll never amount to anything.
You bawl your eyes out, every night.
Put your pillow-case out to dry, every morning.
You cry. You sleep. You wake up. Put on a fake smile. Go to work. Get back home. You cry again. Sleep. Wake up. Put on a new shade of lipstick this time. Go to work. Get back home. You cry…
The cycle goes on, until one fine day, you realise that enough is enough. You’ve seen the worst version of yourself. Now, it’s time to invert the paradigm and jump onto the other side.
The perception of pain is subjective, though. A pin-prick may cause you a lot of uneasiness, but to someone else, it could be as harmless as a tiny bug bite. At the end of the day, pain is pain. You’re hurting. And, you’re left by yourself to deal with it.
Over time, you learn to embrace your imperfections and insecurities. You become more humble. Your threshold for pain, tolerance, and patience knows no bounds, because suddenly, you remember who you are and always were—a frikkin’ fabulous role model.
And no way in hell, are you going to let the demons consume you.
#3 The coast is always clear
My house. My rules. (Until my mom visits…)
Wanna hang upside down? Do cartwheels? Jump around for no reason? Laugh hysterically? Walk around bra-less? Naked? Great. Good list! And your house will forever say — “your wish is my command!”
Oh, the sheer freedom of acting crazy without having anyone around to judge you.
Bliss. ❤
#4 There’s a drastic increase in immunity and overall health
I don’t remember the last time I fell terribly sick. *touch wood*
Even if I had a cold or a cough, it probably lasted for just about a day or two. But I’m sure I remained active and positive, throughout.
The thought of no one being around to take care of me when I fall sick made me want to take extra care of myself. I started meditating, affirming only positive thoughts, and engaging in intense physical activities.
My allergies have almost disappeared, and today, I feel a lot happier and healthier.
#5 Change in personality
I recently took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test, and it turns out—I’m an ESFJ type.
Shocker for me, because I always thought I was an introvert.
The first couple of years, I stayed in my own cocoon, and found comfort in my own company. But, slowly, I started to feel distant from the real world. It was during my lowest times that I realised I needed to go out more often. Meet new people. Hear their stories. Make new memories. Embarrass myself. Spread happiness, love, joy, and laughter.
I’ve become a lot more confident, outspoken, and deliberate in the way I assert myself. I don’t shy away from speaking my mind, and I most certainly don’t keep to myself as much as I used to before.
All for the better, I suppose.
#6 You work on hobbies—old or new—and try to master them
For me… it’s singing and dancing. I suck at both.
But, I tried…
I tried so hard and got so farrrr
But in the end, it doesn’t even matterrrr
I had to fall to lose it alllll
But in the end, it doesn’t even matterrrr
…heh. Oops. Got carried away there for a second.
Tip: It’s a lot easier when you have alcohol in your system.
#7 All that you learnt will magically disappear when your family visits
Laundry? What’s that?
Suddenly, all the Gods of strength and valour will team up and conspire against you. You’ll be left with no energy.
Don’t worry. This is quite normal. Sometimes, it’s a serious case of forgetfulness, lethargy, and yay-moms-home-now! You’ll feel like crawling back into the abyss of slumber, but your Dad’s a rebel like you. A go-getter. He’ll continue to pull you out of it, because if the window panes aren’t clean enough, the butterflies in Machu Picchu will not have a good day.
And no matter how much you tell them that you’re really a strong, independent woman, they will never believe you.
Sigh.
I wonder why.
