I am a lobster.
I’ve struggled for the last week trying to find the right words to express my feelings on what has happened. Then this morning I read a Medium post by someone I admire, and it all made sense. I am a lobster.
In his post, Benjamin P. Hardy talks about growth in lobsters. Lobsters are soft sea creatures that live in rigid, spiky shells that they inevitably outgrow. Just before shedding their shells, they feel constricted and suffocated. Then comes the in-between. You’ve left your old shell, the one that didn’t fit you anymore, but you still lack security. Hardy writes,
“This in-between time is confusing and vexing. Like the naked lobster, you’ve outgrown and cast away your old shell, but haven’t found your new one yet. You feel exposed and vulnerable.”
That’s me right now. Exposed and vulnerable. But if I’ve learned anything from Brene Brown, it’s that there is power in vulnerability. So here I am, shouting to the world, “Hey! I’m vulnerable! I’m in an in-between phase!” Every day I oscillate between feeling like there’s nothing I can’t do with this new found freedom and like I’ve lost part of my identity.
8 days ago, I was “let go” by Guy Bauer. It was a first. I’ve never been fired, never been laid off. No matter your level of self-confidence, any time someone tells you they don’t want you around anymore, it hurts. As anyone who follows me may remember, it was only a few years ago that I took the leap. With the support of my incredible husband, I chose to believe in myself and believe in my dream. It was terrifying. Every day John would tell me, “You got this. You’re going to do incredible things.” I believed him, but I was scared — and it only sounded real when he said it. So every day that I worked, I focused a little on my own business (Vida Mia Productions) and then I applied for jobs. This is a common phenomenon for those going out on their own for the first time. Some days you feel invincible and others you are certain you’re an imposter, you’ll never make it, and you should just take the safe route and find someone to run the business so you can have stability. On New Years Day 2016, I promised John, “Ok, I’m believing in me now. I won’t apply for any more jobs.” Then, January 4, 2016 I got a call from a recruiter saying that they were interested in interviewing me for a Director position at Guy Bauer. “I’ll just interview,” I thought.
I accepted a job from Guy a few days after my in-person interview. He told me a colleague said to him, “we better scoop her up quick before someone else does.” He called me “Don Draper” and asked me to be a Director and Creative Director. It was a dream. I was pulling it off. I was making my way in an industry I loved. Guy Bauer made it possible.
I will always be grateful to Guy Bauer for being the first step on this journey. I’m grateful to him for creating an environment in which I could hone this craft, earn some street cred, and most importantly meet people who I will continue to work with for a lifetime. I learned a lot from him, most importantly for my professional development, how to give an ETA, acknowledge receipt, and the beautifully simple: do what you say you’re going to do. Follow through: it’s so obvious, but so overlooked by so many people.
The Thursday before I was let go, Guy and I got into a heated discussion. I had known for some time there were some elements of his management style that didn’t sit right with me. I believe there are ways to manage and speak to people that are encouraging and productive, and I tried to be a champion for this type of behavior as a leader in the organization. When I was promoted to Partner and Chief Creative Officer, I had big visions for the type of improvements I wanted to make. I was most interested in nurturing the creative leanings in others. Whether it was a designer who wanted to be an Art Director, an editor who wanted to DP, or a Producer with dreams of Directing. I became a voice for them. I sung their praises to Guy. I suggested promotions, supported raises, and told them regularly that I believed in them. When people had issues related to general work environment concerns, I was a person they could come to, and I spoke to Guy about how to rectify things. I absolutely loved this part of my job. Making people feel heard is, in my opinion, one of the easiest and most powerful ways to help someone reach their potential.
In my 2 quarters of partnership, I also created an award I titled “Creative of the Quarter,” and focused my presentations at quarterly meetings on helping people see that creativity is about problem solving, not about being artistic. I picked people who stepped out of their comfort zones or went the extra mile to solve problems. The prize for the winner was a meal on me. At my last award lunch (coincidentally my last day at Guy Bauer), I asked the Q1 winner what his dreams were. “If you could do anything, if money were no object,” I asked him, “what would it be?” I then spent the next half hour of the meal, sharing advice on ways to get there and sharing my thoughts on goal setting and why it’s so important. I had no idea it would be one of my last official tasks at the company, and I couldn’t be more grateful that my last hours there were so representative of the type of work I think is most important.
On what I didn’t know was my last day at Guy Bauer, I worked late and then came home and packed a bag for my first vacation day of 2017. The next day and over the weekend, I went to the beach with John and I listened to the waves, I listened to books on Audible, I listened to podcasts. I was doing everything I could to avoid listening to the voice inside me that was screaming, “this shell is getting too spiky. It’s time to move on!” I was too scared to be a soft, mushy lobster because, let’s be real, who wants to feel vulnerable and exposed and spend their time hiding under a rock?
But here’s the good news — as soon as my shell was removed for me, I realized why the lobster does it. It feels exhilarating and light to be rid of a shell that doesn’t fit you anymore (and scary…this post is about being honest — I can’t pretend it’s not scary). I spent last week building the brand for my new venture, the one I should have started years ago. While I’ll still maintain Vida Mia, and would love to tell your loved ones’ stories, I’m going to use my creative (read: problem solving) skills to continue to help businesses tell stories that inspire, educate, and entertain people. In my mind there are no boring projects. Every company with a need for creative collateral, is like a puzzle. Clients hand you the pieces in an order that often makes no sense, and my job is to find the ways to put the pieces together in a way that strikes an emotional chord with the right audience. How fun is that??
When it comes to brand, I recently read a description that really resonated with me. It was that “brand” is two things:
- The promise your company makes to its clients
- The clothes that promise is dressed in
So many new companies focus on the second part, ignoring the first. They start with colors, a logo and a website, when what they should focus on first is the promise. If your brand is what people are saying about you when you’re not in the room, I asked myself, “What do I want my brand to say about me.” When it comes to my personal brand, I had an idea. I received a number of messages from former colleagues last week, but perhaps the most meaningful was the one I received from the Q1 Creative of the Quarter:
I just want to say how much I appreciated getting to meet and work with you in my life. You are incredibly positive, honest, creative, and responsible. I absolutely look up to you and take note of what it means to be a truly impassioned and empowered creative.
It was unsolicited feedback from someone I managed, and it meant the world to me. We shouldn’t need the validation of others to know our worth, but in our squishiest moments, it sure does motivate us want to get out from under that rock to find a new shell. Drawing from this compliment and from the person I know I am, I quickly decided what my brand promise would be.
To my future clients: I promise to be your partner in creating quality work that is genuine, sincere, honest, and pure.
I also came up with my manifesto:
Be authentic. Live up to the promise your brand makes to people. If you don’t know what that promise is, decide. Then make it your North Star.
Be deliberate. Commit to producing content that inspires people. Refuse to create anything but work you’re proud of. Then share it with the world.
Be grateful. There is no more elegant emotion than the attitude of gratitude. Practice daily.
Above all else, be kind.
The world is full of a lot of noise. I don’t want to contribute to it. I’m looking for people who want to create work that inspires people to act in a way that benefits others.
I focused last week on the promise. This week I focus on its wardrobe. To those who care enough to follow me sharing my feelings all over the place and reading my words, thank you. To anyone who wants to discuss future professional collaborations, message me. Let’s make work we’re proud of.
