I Am New to Medium and Feeling Scared
Do you feel the same? I am trying to inspire myself and you too.
Every time the bell rings and attracts my earnest gaze, I immediately get down to decipher the melodious notes it brought along with it. Sometimes I find a clap or a new follower or a highlight. And as the bell enters a prolonged dormancy phase I wonder that at this rate it will take an eternity to reach a sizeable number of followers to let my voice feel credible or monetary gains significant. It appears a long journey into the haze
Again the bell rang but this time I just held back my finger from tapping on the icon and asked myself ?
why and when did I get into this painful ritual of writing?
About 4 years ago when i was feeling suffocated by the continuos self talk about my beliefs, experiences and my interpretation of the world and its functioning .After the death of my parents the hypochritical world annoyed me even more .The accumulated mental and emotional baggage was rupturing and scarring my insides .Then came writing and formed a conducive channel for a sustained release of my wayword thoughts
Where did you write?
Mainly on paper and most of it is still lying around me though some found its way into facebook and social sites .I even started writing a book on the life of my elder brother who is a spastic by birth . Dont know when will i complete it .I have realised its not easy to become a published author especially if you have a family and a job to take care of .And marketing ,to make it lucrative is even more difficult especially when you don’t have a list of ardent followers .
What was the response to your very limited social media exposure?
- Many of my friends on facebook liked it but I wasn’t sure whether they were genuine or just reciprocating to my friendship with them
- Some encouraged me to write more often as it resonated with their way of thinking.
- Some thought my writing though high on emotional zeal was too ideal to be incorporated into the real world. Sometimes even I felt the vulnerable writer in me could harm the steadfast identity of my being a doctor
Benjamin Franklin said ,
“write something worth reading or do something worth writing.”
As someone who is more comfortable in limited social interactions writing for me is a stress buster . Writing ,though tedious and frustrating at times, helps brings out the real me . And a written word makes it imperative for me to act .
But what’s so scary about being on the medium?
Medium is only platform in the world which is writer centric ,has an enormous spread and rewards you enough if you infiltrate it effectively .I feared that i would never be able to become a part of this community because india is not covered by it .And then one of my cousins who is a US national lent me his credentials to help me get enrolled .
But all this sounds so good, and you are saying it’s scary?
Till now i had been writing to myself and maybe deriving some sadistic pleasure by licking my wounds ,obscured to the world . Getting up to stand up in front of so many is making me feel conscious and fear that my conscience may quiver leaving me gasping for words .
- It’s like, in delivering an inspirational talk I am fearing stammering, in educating my readers I am fearing to display my ignorance, in touching their emotional strings I am fearing to get electric shocks
- I have read that on the medium only a few make it big, many manage to say afloat and far too many fades into oblivion.
- I have read about tips and tricks to stay relevant but don’t know how many I have truly imbibed
- I know the importance of writing here regularly, almost daily but don’t know whether my words would be able to synchronize with my thought process and establish a continuum to deliver credible writing efficiently and regularly
- I have a profession to keep and a passion to feed, don’t know whether I will be able to strike a balance
- Fear my writing sounding melodramatic
Can’t let self doubt turn into self pity because as John Gardner says
“Self pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”
And how will you do it?
At this point in my article, I have already started feeling better. That validates my belief that I have to write. Life can be taken in both ways-Do what you love or love what you have to do.
Now when I am in flow no more questions/answers, just straightforward talk
- Nobody is looking forward to my next article so it’s better I enjoy myself and write with gusto and as diverse as possible and try to find my niche.
- I am unique. My DNA and fingerprints don’t match anyone else. So why should I expect my thoughts and expressions to do so
- Will not try to make my writing unique but let my writing bring out the uniqueness in me
- Yes, I want money from writing and would like to pursue it full time. But until then, at least I have a job to support my family.
- We all have dreams and not all get fulfilled but a process filled with diligent action can lead us to places we never dreamed of
- I know most of the people are ahead of me but as Martin Luther King said
“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
- There are a lot who are voicing their truth on medium but I still have the chance to do my stuff. As Swami Vivekananda said
“Truth can be stated in a thousand different ways, yet each one can be true”.
- Write keeping in mind what Ray Bradbury said,
Don’t think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It’s self-conscious and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can’t “try” to do things. You simply “must” do things
“When you write — explode — fly apart — disintegrate! Then give time enough to think, cut, rework, and rewrite”
As for me, when I had no credible platform to write on, there was fear of failure and now when I have one its the fear of success. But what I fear most is regret, that I didn’t try with zeal — so I have to act
As les brown says ,
“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”
Let’s dance like a peacock who does it not for others (except to attract his mate ) but for the joy of it . If others pass by they will stop, see and notice