I Claimed to Be a Feminist But I Wasn’t One
And I’m sorry for it.
“I am a feminist.”
“Please stop this sexism.”
“Stop with these sexist statements.”
I was that girl. The girl who said that she was a feminist but didn’t actually act like one. I was the girl who overreacted on small statements but never acted like an actual feminist.
What is feminism?
The dictionary defines feminism as “the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.”
And a feminist as “ a person who supports feminism.”
And I failed. I failed in supporting the very core of it, in basic small things while fighting the big battles.
How, you ask?
I belittled other women
I slut-shamed other women
I was always insecure
I believed that my boyfriend should be the person bringing more money into the house
I thought investing money were things my boyfriend would do
I thought it was okay to sacrifice my career for someone else
I never complimented another woman
I hated the idea of sharing my space with a stronger, more attractive woman
I was constantly trash-talking
I can go on, but I’m sure you get the drift.
So why am I guilty now?
Last year, I came out of a 5-year-long relationship and opened my horizons to new perspectives and people. I had a lot of conversations with a lot of people and came home feeling ashamed for how little I was. For someone who took immense pride in being broad-minded and intelligent and modern, I was so patriarchal. I was far from uplifting other women, I was just belittling them all the time.
My country is extremely patriarchal in nature. Women are looked down upon and don’t have equal opportunities. So I could say that this was ingrained in me?
But I studied History. I wanted to be the change.
So where did I lack? How did I not do this?
How did I fail?
It took one year. One year for me to just accept the fact that I failed.
You know how they say the best thing about rock bottom is that you only rise above from it. So when I was finally single, extremely unhealthy, ghastly narrow-minded, almost broke, hating my job and very new to living alone; I finally went to an old friend — a book.
I started reading again to gain newer perspectives. I went out on dates to learn newer stuff. I met a lot of my old friends to see what they had to say to me. And, I opened Pandora boxes of conversations. These conversations were segues to growth. My growth as an individual, my growth as a person and my growth as a catalyst in the society that I was living in.
It was like I was reborn, with newer ideas and knowledge.
There are various things that you can start to do when you become a feminist. Some that became instrumental in my own journey were the following.
Accepting the Fact That Women and Men are Both Great Friends
“I just have more guy friends because it is less drama” Oh no. No sister. That’s not how it works.
That’s such a sexist thing to say. Women and men are both good friends. They are both capable of having sound relationships, deep conversations and most of all, your back. So stop calling your gal pals out!
Calling Other Girls Out for Their Body Sizes
“You are so thin.”
“You are like a Barbie.”
“You are so fat.”
Stop all that!!!!!!
It's 2021. You need to stop calling people out for their sizes. Body image issues have the capability of ruining a person’s mental health and pushing them into depression. Stop commenting on these people.
People can take care of their own health and be their own custodians. Stop being an ass and calling them out.
Calling Out Sexism Wherever You See It!
Getting into heated Facebook arguments with your sexist uncle can be emotionally exhausting, and we very much live by the ethos of never feeding the trolls. But if you see friends, family or acquaintances being misogynistic, and you feel safe and comfortable to call them out on it, then go for it.
Often people like this are coming from a place of ignorance over hate, and countering them with facts can lead to a healthy, constructive learning experience. It’s not always easy, but there are guides to help.
Take the time to explain the issues to them, help them understand and try to bring about a point of view. Misogynistic views come from years ago, and simply victimizing yourself because you’re at the receiving end is not the solution.
“Be the change you want to see.” — Mahatma Gandhi
Educating Yourself on Diverse Women
If you’ve acknowledged how elements of your life experience affect your place in society and are making an active effort to listen to voices different to your own, you’re already well on the way to being an intersectional feminist ally. But to be a true friend to the movement, it’s important to remember that at the end of the day, it’s not up to other women to educate you on their subcultures or experiences. This is where reading comes in. There are tonnes of books & podcasts that can help shed light on the experiences of women.
Incorporating Feminism into Your Daily Life
Love yourself, no matter your gender. It may sound cheesy, but loving yourself and practicing self-care empowers you. When you love yourself, you are essentially saying “my humanity matters.”
- With this is loving your body, even (especially!) if it does not fit the media’s stereotype of perfection. Feminists often fight the misconception that an attractive female has one particular set of traits.
- This does not mean that you can’t spend time making yourself look pretty. You can wear makeup or high heels and be a feminist, but you don’t have to!
Empowering Women
There is an unfortunate modern tendency for women to judge and belittle the choices of other women, (particularly on social media) (Remember how I spoke of myself in the beginning).
To be a feminist, support and empower other women instead of judging them. Realize that women who make decisions that differ from your own have likely put as much thought into those decisions as you have.
The road to feminism doesn’t start with bashing men. It starts as accepting the past and working towards an equal future.
It is almost like an old me died, to give birth to a version of me that could be inclusive in ways I didn’t know I could.
