“I Don’t Understand You, But I Do Support You.”

You don’t have to understand someone for them to be valid. But where do you draw the line?

Ajinkya Goyal
Ascent Publication
Published in
5 min readFeb 25, 2020


Photo by cottonbro

I’m bisexual. Despite being a part of the queer community though, I don’t really understand gender fluidity. Or being transgender. I don’t understand how someone could feel so uncomfortable with their gender that they want to make the switch to another. Basically, things pertaining to questioning one’s gender.

I also don’t get the appeal behind cross-dressing (I do like a smidge of makeup though, so I suppose there’s that).

That doesn’t mean I think any of that is invalid. Or that I believe gender is binary.

Similarly, I have a couple of friends who don’t completely understand how bisexuality works, but that doesn’t mean they think I’m “weird” or “unnatural” or whatever word is currently being used to drag us right now. They may not understand me, but they do support me. They’ve never made me feel different or less than for liking both men and women (they actually even include both men and women in our games of kiss, marry, kill).

Side note: I’ve recently realised that it’s actually very easy to be gender-neutral in daily speech. Use “everyone” instead of “ladies and gentlemen.” Use “they” instead of “he or she.” Use “sibling” instead of “brother or sister.”

They may not understand me, but they do support me.

I do think an important clause to receiving this kind of attitude is being open to questions and practising the age-old adage that every teacher has repeated at the beginning of the semester — there are no stupid questions.

If someone is unsure about something and sees it fit to come directly to someone living that concept rather than sifting through (questionable) articles and tweets online, make them feel welcome. Don’t treat their question as stupid, no matter how obvious it may seem to you. The fact that they are trying to make an effort in understanding how you is a good thing and should be treated as such.

For example, a couple days after I came out, a well-meaning, albeit a bit confused, friend came up to me. He asked me how exactly bisexuality…