I Learned Priceless Social Skills Only After Finishing My Studies
Top six skills that they don’t teach you in college and I learned during my Ph.D.
1. Teamwork and Cooperation
During my studies, I’ve never worked in a group. Not because I enjoyed working alone, which I did, but because working in groups was not allowed. ‘How are we supposed to know you worked and didn’t copy,’ they said. ‘You need to be able to solve everything by yourself,’ they said.
Now if I find myself in the middle of a desert and throw a ball, I’ll be able to compute the time of its landing, while reciting a Pushkin’s poem. The best of it that I’ll be able to do it all by myself.
However, in real life, people choose to do the tasks at which they are good. They delegate. At university, the delegation wasn’t mentioned. For years I was proudly occupying myself with every issue that arises on the way to my goal. Until I realised how highly ineffective this can be.
2. Negotiation and Communication
At school as well as at university, the system is built on authorities. The teacher is always right transformed to the professor is always right.
And here I am, facing the real world with a belief that the older you are the more knowledgeable you are in every professional or social area. Things improved but I’m still struggling to communicate my point of view openly.
The truth is born in an argument.
When we communicate and negotiate we convey a message, and as a result, we may be able to reach an agreement and find the solution that suits both parties.
3. Mentoring
Another thing they’ve never shown us is how to help a fellow straggler to solve a problem. The only way I knew was to let them copy, which was forbidden, or I could also respect the rule by not helping at all.
I’ve never thought that I could indicate the way without showing it. I was afraid of cheating and spoiling one’s motivation by giving the guidelines. Sharing your experience could help someone to go on and not give up.
4. Persuasion
I’m shy to talk about my achievements and I hate writing a CV. It’s unpleasant to promote myself or something I created. It feels as if I want to force others to spend their time or money on me.
That’s nonsense because what I did and who I am is reflecting my passions and beliefs.
Persuasion is not about telling lies it’s about giving arguments for whatever you want to promote. Eventually, they are going to decide on their own whether to adopt it or not.
5. React Adequately
While I’m still working on this, at least I’m able to recognise my inadequate reaction.
When I get a negative feedback or a malevolent review my world crashes. I become non-productive, cannot create anything and think that I worth nothing. I’d call this inadequate reaction.
Ideally, I’d focus my attention on constructive points in this review, evaluate them and then work on improving the outcome. The review is not about you as a person, it’s only about a particular side of your work or behaviour and you don’t have to diminish other achievements of yours.
6. Help Each Other Grow and Be Happier
This point is closely related to the first one. And the third. In fact, it all comes down to this point.
What is the purpose of life?
Some time ago, for me personally it was the progress. Promote the science and push the boundaries. When you realise that you discovered something entirely new this gives you fulfilment and satisfaction.
Progress is fascinating. I would love to live longer just to see what we’ll be able to achieve in the next centuries.
Does this make sense when you are unhappy?
The most important lesson of all is that you cannot build your happiness alone, on the contrary, helping others makes you happy.
