Improve Your Social Skills by Repetition
Do you want to be a confident public speaker? Do you want to be a life of the party? Are you an introvert and want to become a people person?
Repeat your failures
I remember my first ever conference talk (actually, what I remember about it is that I don’t remember it, let me explain).
It was the last year of my graduate studies and I applied to participate in a university conference to present the results of my thesis. I thought it would be a good training for my public speaking skills which were none.
Applying seemed like a good idea, the talk supposed to be only 20 minutes and my advisor was to be there for rescue, but most importantly, it was more than a month ahead. If you know that a scary event that requires public speaking from your side is more than a month away, it becomes exceedingly less scary.
As the day approached I started to concentrate — no, not on the preparation — on the scaring thoughts. The room will be full of professors and the experts in the field, my results are rubbish, I haven’t practiced yet at all. Despite of the raising panic in my head, I was able to practice a bit on a group of friends. I mumbled, stammered and gabbled. It was awful.
On top of that, I was trying to prepare for any question that may arise. This process is endless and it made me only more anxious. Eventually, I decided to learn the first two sentences of the talk by heart and then let things slide.
And they did slide. I remember sitting and waiting for my turn, I remember being called out and I remember then going back to my seat. Nothing in between.
Directly after the talk people came to me and said they liked it. I couldn’t know if they meant it or were being polite because I had no idea how well I did. Probably not bad since I ended up getting a prize for one of the best talks.
Since then I try to take any opportunity to practice the public speaking. Again, when I sign up for something it seems ages away and I think I can fight the worry even when the day comes. I’m still stressed before the talk. But things improved dramatically. Nowadays when I’m giving a talk I’m aware of myself. I hear my voice, notice the body language, try to keep the eye contact with the audience.
What can help you to become a more confident public speaker? Repetition.
You may read a lot about how to become a good speaker, you may participate in soft-skill workshops, you may give talks in front of your friends. However, nothing is so effective as the real public speaking practice.
Go out and do it often
I consider myself as an introvert and every quiz I could put my eye on while procrastinating confirms this. I’m also shy. Being in a group of more than three people including me makes shut my mouth and sit quietly.
Since I moved to a new country I had to make friends and it’s a serious challenge if your mouth is shut.
It’s also a challenge to seat in a total silence among ten or so mathematicians who are having a social lunch. At some point, I couldn’t stand this and started to talk. Imagine, every eye in the room turns in surprise to look at you.
It was pretty hard for me, in the beginning, to hear my voice trembling and heart beating fast. But I saw the result, the tension was gone and people started to talk. It was so rewarding that I kept practicing.
The thing is that we practice being silent every time we don’t speak and that’s a lot of time. We earn a reputation as a silent kid.
If you want to be a people person you’ll have to be one repeatedly. In a large group of people, which for me is more than three, try to say something. You may start really small but say it loudly. Next time they won’t be so surprised that you speak and you may say more. The more you talk the more they expect it from you.
Then you’ll expect it from yourself too. At some point, it’ll become your second nature.
Repeat
To improve your social skills go out of your comfort zone. Repeat.
