Instructional Monday

Our autism journey

He stands crying, then pacing, the shadows aren’t dancing correctly. He paces some more, screaming, running to the light, “turn da light onT”, he says, flipping the switch and runs away from the switch. He throws his head and arms on the couch, cry screaming, “turn da light offT”, and runs back to the switch. He climbs to the curtains from the back of the couch and moves them back and forth. The screaming and pacing then continues. What’s the matter, baby, I say. I always ask questions. He very rarely replies to me, but at other moments in time he will say all my questions back to me. He’s sitting quietly now, but still on edge, I am too. What upset him in those moments. What made him need to pace. What made him cry out. He looks from the door, to his tablet, to the window, back at me. His expression tells me he wants me to “fixth it”, but I don’t know what is wrong to fix it. My heart aches. These days when I can’t help him settle make me want to cry and crumble to the ground in a ball. There was no shadow dance this morning, no happy laughter at the pictures on the wall that are cast from the light, only anxiety. I want the laughter back. I want the squeals of delight. I want my baby to be happy. The lack of communication is the hardest part of this journey. I know he has lots to tell me, but he can’t. He is learning, and learning in multiple languages at that, but it is hard on days when I can’t “fixth it” for him. Growing Owen is what we are doing. He is learning so much and we will get there, one day at a time, together. Find your inspiration and make your dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!