Is Shyness Stopping You From Succeeding At Work?
A few years ago, I began my career and got all settled amongst the new environment and colleagues who were actually nice to work with. However, here’s a twist to the story: it didn’t happen out of the blue. We all know having a successful career life has its ups and downs. Anyway, struggles are what make us unique and prosper as well. My conflict was with me.
The one thing that made me struggle a lot was my shyness. My inability to start and even carrying on the conversation took a toll on my career.
Yes, I was a shy person that in the long run, hampered my confidence level. Hence, it was turning into a dominant obstacle in professional life. I had been like this since childhood and eventually failed to make good friendships at school and college level.
But I wanted to beat up this trait of mine as I realized being confident at the workplace is a cornerstone in every profession. I even applied for the job, determined to work on my confidence. Of course, it had been a roller coaster journey to kick out my years-long personality. But one point was clear in my mind — don’t give up. To thrive in my career, I’d have to face and shed out the shyness.
My Guilt Trip Journey
I don’t like to discuss myself during any kind of communication, especially if they question me. The spotlight being on me, was something I never yearned for. You can say I was happy to be left in the crowd.
Since I was so less confident, I failed to express things precisely because I knew all attention would be on me. Of course, returning home in the evening left me feeling disheartened and a nincompoop. It even made the situation worse for me as I started contemplating that some of the coworkers might be quipping about me. “Why didn’t I come up with my idea,” “Why didn’t I say that” are the variety of questions that played on the loop in my mind. Hence, I sulked into the guilt trip. The next day facing all again was more embarrassing.
No doubt, staying in the shell was costing me professionally. I can’t be shy while interacting with the clients because if I messed up, I knew I would not see them again. The next worry was talking to my colleagues. It’s like freezing down when it comes to making a conversation with anyone. I simply nod with what they say or give a required response, and that’s it. I failed to put up my thoughts or share my opinions and experiences.
People probably considered that I’m a weirdo that made me go nuts. Some might think I’m rude when I don’t greet them until they greet me.
Reality check: Neither I had hard feelings against anyone, nor was I crazy. I’m just shy.
I Began Questioning
Shyness is not an ailment; it’s an outcome of fear and thinking yourself lesser than others. I decided to know the root cause of the issue within me. It was my first step towards overcoming shyness at the workplace. If you have read by far, it signifies you are also like me. Don’t fret! I’m with you. I’ll help you out to win the fight against shyness through my experience. So, let’s kickstart.
I will ask you some questions, think and answer them:
- Are you suffering from shyness because you had an insecure or troubled childhood?
- Did someone bully you?
- Have your parents, relatives, friends, or teachers called you stupid or dumb?
- Were you called good for nothing?
Your childhood is a castle to secrets that will give you the clue of your shy nature today. I probed myself with these questions too, which revealed a lot about me. Traceback to those times of your life and locate the stories that hold the potential to yet make you emotional. If you find something crucial attached to your childhood days, jot it down.
It may so happen when you are still going through some childhood trauma that makes you incapable of fully expressing yourself. You feel imprisoned within your own, not so good memories. You feel caught in your guilty conscience by reminiscing about your past quite often. Ultimately, you turn into a shy person failing to express the words within. Thus, the aim is to get rid of those hard times first to climb the mountain of confidence further.
My Road map to Overcome Shyness
Saying your piece in a group environment is a pathway with plenty of roadblocks for any shy person. You may be afraid of being wronged or ridiculed. You may be uninterested in getting into a debate with another employee who has a big mouth or a stalwart personage. The real problem for many of us is a lack of self-confidence. Follow some hard and fast rules to mitigate the discomfort. You never know, soon you’ll see yourself enjoying public speaking.
I’ll tell you the secret sauce to be self-sufficient and fearless. My experiences and strategies can help others suffering through the same circumstances in the workplace. The following deep insights, tactics, and resolutions supported me in getting rid of shyness. So, can you.
I am Shy Situationally
Many of the shy people consider their shyness as a sort of permanent personality attribute. If others label you as a “shy” person, you think yes, it is true. The answer is almost no after pondering on certain circumstances. When it was happening with me, I considered it this way:
Am I shy all the time? Even while spending time with my closest friends, am I equally shy? Do I get nervous in front of one individual or among a group of people in the office? Am I shy during the official conference or when my colleagues discuss some personal stuff? Is someone intimidating?
Shyness is truly a situational phenomenon. I realized it is a reaction to a specific environment. It differs based on the people surrounding me or the situation. Mostly I hesitated while making a good rapport with others. You may constantly tell yourself that you are an introvert, though it is not a reality. Shyness is your second character.
Hence, try to figure out the situation that invokes the nervousness in you. It helped me to understand the base of shyness and battle with those demons.
7 Strategies to Win the Battle Against Shyness
After a thorough conservational roadmap with oneself, it’s time to take out the swords and annihilate the shyness out of your mind. If your vision is to have a successful career, you have to be confident in your workplace. It is a competitive space that demands you to get up! Unless you stand up to bring a change in you, it’s impossible to win the race.
● Self-talk
Whenever you feel lacking confidence, shy, or anxious, it’s time to stand in front of the mirror. Do self-talk and remind yourself, again and again, that you are the best. Believe me, it works. It will keep your spirits high.
No-one must ever have to feel shy or awkward at work. It can be detaching and leads to other sorrowful sentiments. Also, say that you’re not lesser than anyone. You and your talent are both worth the time. You can totally own this!
● Quick Talk
When there is an office party or event, talk without putting pressure on yourself to keep the conversation going. Start with the “Hello,” saying this is even a huge step for shy people, and I personally went through this. The other person will automatically continue the conversation. So, initiating with little implies reaching the next level. The goal is to speak for a short period to a lot of different people.
The same chat with 6 or 7 people helps you open up and realize who is the most interesting one with whom you make a connection. This strategy eventually lets you unlock the gates of friendship at the workplace that will grow further for sure.
The modus operandi should be finding that one friend out of the whole workforce you can confide in. Hence, taking the first step on the ladder of courage.
● Chat on Messenger
Try to stay connected even after office hours. That said, I mean that chat with your coworkers on WhatsApp or Facebook Messenger. It might be exhaustive after a day’s hard work, but nothing is as simple as talking from the comfort of your couch or bed.
Many times introverts chat more frankly on social platforms as they feel more secure communicating online than in real life. I’ll give one more tip — avoid discussing work-related stuff.
When I applied this strategy, it helped me know and connect with people better on the personal front. Eventually, they too understood me better at this point. With time, I opened up and started making convo with them confidently at the workplace as well.
Bonding on non-work related matters also boosts sociability and collaboration among fellow workers.
● Coffee or Lunch Together
Why not join your coworkers for coffee on weekends? It is another way for outside-the-office bonding. I know it will be awkward at first, I’d been to similar situations. Hence, it is ideal to do this after spending some time chatting on messenger. Till now, you’ll gain some confidence to gel along with them.
Get to know your colleagues in a relaxing setting such as a coffee shop or lounge. Talk about life at work and outside work alike. It depicts showing genuine interest and turning just an acquaintance into a friendship. As a result, it can be beneficial to your career ahead.
Stop wondering why you’d need to meet a fellow worker for dinner. When workers genuinely connect and have real bonds, workplace morale, and confidence level at the office are much more.
● Don’t Sway Away
Undoubtedly, every workplace has some brilliant gems whom you idolize and honor. However, the right route is not to get swayed to the level that you begin criticizing your own strengths and abilities. Appreciating other coworkers’ skills doesn’t mean to shy away from talking to them and getting influenced so much to neglect oneself. Of course, inspiration is necessary but make an effort to move beyond that. Consider their views to implement in your professional journey because that is going to help you progress. Hence, don’t allow it to affect your work. Value the significance of your own skills and never be coy to showcase them to your manager or boss.
● Stay Optimistic
Work-life can be stressful; there is no second opinion on this. However, don’t lose your cool, rather keep an optimistic standpoint during pressure.
Challenging times gave me opportunities to gauge my potential. It is also a time to let others know your value in the company. It may feel tricky, yet you have to ignore downer comments and throw away negativity out of your mind. I’m not asking to do sweet talks all day long, but staying positive and replying with a smile leads to a better workday, and a more agreeable work environment.
● I Don’t Care
Yes, you read that right. You need the “I don’t care attitude” to survive the office hours (I don’t care, does not mean stop respecting your manager or boss.). The most critical lesson in ruling out hesitation is to eliminate the fear of people and what they might think or say. The opinions matter but to a limit so that it doesn’t deter you from doing what you aspire. For coy people, reasons vary from asking for feedback to going to the washroom frequently and getting up for a hot cup of coffee. Stop being bashful, replaying in mind what others might say. I made up my mind: the work is my goal at the workspace. For this, I’ve to stay relaxed and trust myself. The sole method to obtain brilliance is to stop fearing from others. Snap out of the shyness, do what you feel is right. Step further on the ladder of success in no time.
Final thoughts…
Professional life is beyond technical skills and academics. It is more about dealing with people. Thus, shyness at the workplace can be a barrier if not correctly managed. All you need is to take your head out of the sand.
When you make a mind to break off the shackles, you can see yourself touching the sky professionally. It’s okay; not everyone is a conversationalist and confident. But you can work on it like me.
As you get to know people, things will get smoother. I learned my lesson the hard way, but the focus area is that I defeated my shyness. Do not forget it’s not an instant process; however, slow and steady definitely wins the race. Just don’t give up working on oneself.
Reaching to the core of the issues and comprehending the reason for being coy may result in getting answers. Figure it out; eventually, you will find a long-term solution.
