Let Me Check Facebook One Last Time

“Hey, babe I’m sorry, I just need to check my email. I’ll be done in a minute.”
Checking your email turns into scrolling through Facebook then to Instagram then “Oh, I wonder what’s going on twitter. I’ll Only check it once then be done.”
“Oh, well while I’m here might as well check Facebook one last time.”

“Ok, it won’t hurt to just look at Instagram and twitter one more time.”
What you told your significant other would only be a minute turns into 30 minutes.

Then you get mad at yourself and tell yourself tomorrow you’ll stop. Tomorrow you’ll change. Right after you check Facebook one more time.

I have no idea why so many relationships might fail. That’s not what this is about but it is something to think about.

Look, I’m just as guilty as you are. I can relate. Which is why I’m writing this.

“I need to practice more self-control. I have to. More discipline.”

Every day this is what I tell myself.

But what if that isn’t the right thing to tell myself?

What if I already have all the self-discipline I need?

What if you already have all the self-discipline that you need?

See I trick myself and my brain. I read these articles, and they are great articles at that. Some of you guys on Medium are fantastic. I have 50 self-help articles that all say the same thing that I intend to read (insert eye roll). Be real, that’s just procrastination.

Always telling myself “This will be the article that helps.” This list of 50 things successful people do that the same person has re-written 10 times and I’ve read each and every one of them.

You know who you are.

But I trick myself into thinking that by reading these articles, watching these youtube videos, and listening to these podcasts that I am being productive. I don’t actually ever do the things the authors in these mediums are telling me to do. I never actually implement them. The thought of implementing them sounds nice though doesn’t it?

Zero follow through.

This morning I’ve fallen back into tricking myself to staying in bed. You know, because successful people have a detailed morning routine. For awhile, I was super consistent getting up early, getting shit done, being productive.

Then my significant others schedule changed and she was getting up when I was.

Well fuck, now I HAVE to change my schedule because god forbid we get up at the same time.

Look living in a 700sq ft apartment isn’t easy. Personal space and alone time is almost non-existent. That’s part of the gig.

So my 4 am wake up was my time to myself now SHE has the nerve to be getting up when I do. I NEED that alone time.

Well fuck me, it’s not her fault but I have no problem placing the blame on her (she doesn’t know that until now). Sorry, Boo.

I convinced myself ok well since she is up earlier she now has to go in earlier so I’ll just wake up after she leaves. You all know where this is going.

Waking up a little later turned into the whole just another 5 minutes to prolong actually get up. 5 minutes turns into 2 hours and I’ve now wasted time and mentally fucked myself to start the day.

I beat myself up and I’ve already set the tone for the day. It’s like masturbation. It’s temporary gratification but not sustainable long term satisfaction. In the end, you just end up fucking yourself.

But here’s the plan, I acknowledge this and now I can change it.
I told myself “Good, I’m glad this happened because now you have to change. You have to learn. You have to adapt.”

It’s not her fault in the least bit. What am I going to be mad at her because she has a job? Because work dictates when she gets up and has to go in?

Fucking dick I am.

It’s not her fault. It’s fucking my fault.

But I don’t learn that if I don’t take a step back and see the situation for what it is. A learning experience.

Many of us would get pissed at our significant other then start planting the seeds of resentment. I know this because I’ve lived it. And I didn’t learn it until I actually stepped back to look at what was actually going on. But that’s a story for a different day.

What I learned was that I’m responsible for the reaction to any event in my life. I also learned that I’m not a man of my word to myself.

Most of us get upset when people don’t back up their words with the actions they said they would do. But most of you don’t think twice when you don’t back up your own words to yourself. Why?

I’d be pretty upset if somebody I trusted, didn’t follow through on their word. But if I don’t follow through on my own word with myself no big deal. I’ll give others my word no problem and follow through but when it comes to me, “Fuck, off dude I got Facebook to scroll through, writing can get done tomorrow.”

I don’t even know or remember what was on Facebook yesterday but I sure as shit know the article that I told myself I would write that didn’t get written. An article that would enhance my writing. An article that could possibly help you.

Sorry guys I was selfish. Facebook was more important today. Not my word.

Rip the band aid off and stick to your word. Just get it done.

It really is a matter of choice. You know right now this instance as you read this you should be doing the things you told yourself you would. But you’re not. Instead, you’re procrastinating by reading this. Which I thank you for but I beg you to put off the instant gratification and do the things you told yourself you would.