Life Lessons Learned Through Mental Illness
Learning and growing through adversity
There is no doubt about it in my mind; mental illness can really suck. Having struggled with numerous illnesses and episodes over the years I can safely say that I’d happily choose to be free of struggles with my mental health.
Sadly though, it’s not possible to just decide not to struggle with your mental health. Ignoring it doesn’t make it disappear, trust me I’ve tried.
I’m in no way ashamed of my mental health struggles or the diagnosis I have, nor do I think anyone should ever be made to feel any shame. I’m simply saying that if I could choose not to have crippling depression and anxiety that have resulted in me being hospitalised and nearly losing my life; then I would.
In an effort to see some good in my circumstances, I have compiled a list of lessons I have learnt through my struggles. Whilst I may despise the illnesses; I can’t deny that they’ve taught me a lot.
Lesson 1: We are more than an illness/diagnosis
Like previously stated, I am in no way ashamed of the struggles I have with my mental health. My mental health is a massive part of me; depression, anxiety, hypomania and OCD have all had a huge impact on me as a person and my life. That being said, I am so much more than a label, illness, diagnosis or symptom and so are you.
Yes, theses things may have massive effects on all aspects of our lives but it’s not the whole of us. For example, I am a wife, friend, daughter, sister, Aunty, Christian and a vegan. I love the seaside, snow and crafts. I have many passions, characteristics and qualities separate from my mental health.
We are complicated beings, let’s not ignore the whole of us and just focus on the illnesses. This can also be related to many other things such as physical illnesses, relationships, work and so on. They are part of us but not all of us.
Lesson 2: Our voice and advocacy matter
I’m not a qualified psychiatrist, psychologist, Dr or therapist. I haven’t studied for 10 years in medicine or have any textbook knowledge about mental health. What I do have though is my own experience and autonomy.
Our voice, opinions and previous experience matters and should be listened to and respected. I’m not saying we should disregard what professionals say in the slightest. I do however believe that we should have as much input as possible into our treatment. I absolutely respect the professionals who care for me and my mental health and I’m grateful that they hear my voice and we work together to decide what treatment paths we should go down.
If you’re not comfortable with a treatment, medication, diagnosis, side effect and so on then I encourage you try to speak up. Advocate for yourself or ask someone else to do it for you, there are advocacy services available too.
Again this can be related and applied in more areas than just mental health.
I know it’s not always as simple as that, but the point is that you have the right to have your voice heard in your care and life choices.
Lesson 3: Stigma still exists
I can’t believe we are in 2020 and stigma surrounding mental health still exists. Granted we have come a long way with this but not nearly far enough.
Discrimination and stigma still exists within workplaces, job opportunities, relationships, housing opportunities, benefits and social inclusion to name a few.
Stigma is deep rooted in society. It’s been around for centuries and although there’s significantly more awareness and understanding of mental health, stigma still very much exists.
Lesson 4: We need to listen more and look deeper
Mental health is essentially invisible, not always, but mostly. If you passed me in the street then you’d have no idea of the challenges i’m facing.
You can wear makeup and still be suicidal. You can have an eating disorder and be any weight. You can be a successful in business and have anxiety. You can smile and be the happiest looking person on the outside and have crippling depression. You can be surrounded by people and feel incredibly lonely.
Have you checked in with a friend, family member or colleague recently? Scratched beneath the surface to see if someone is really ok? Conversations can save lives.
I’ll say that again, conversations can save lives.
Kindness really does cost nothing other than your time and energy.
Lesson 5: Self care is more than bath bombs
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good bath with a bath bomb and some relaxing music. Self care is so much more than just that though. I think of self care in a multidimensional way with lots of different angles and aspects.
We all have different self care needs. The basics are fundamentally the same but what I need for my wellbeing will potentially be very different to your needs.
My personal breakdown of self care is:
Physical — Sleep, eating, drinking, medication and exercise
Practical — Household chores, finances and time management
Emotional — Coping techniques, understanding feelings, therapy and expressing needs
Spiritual — Time alone, prayer, worship music and church
Social — Support system, spending time with loved ones, hobbies, boundaries, saying “no” when needed and positive social media
Speaking of social media…
Lesson 6: Social media can be incredibly toxic
These days we humans spend a lot of time scrolling endlessly through people’s profiles and our social feeds. I know my screen time averages at 2 hours+ per day and that’s pretty low compared to a lot of people. Hop on a bus or walk down the street and the majority of people will be looking at their phones.
Now let’s think about what we are consuming on these platforms.
When I first started using Instagram I used to spend a lot of time reading content from the “recovery community” on there. This is a place people share about their mental health, the highs, lows, recovery wins and relapses. It has its positives such as mutual understanding, friendship, encouragements, and awareness. It also has a very dark side too; competition, comparison, images of fresh self harm wounds, explicit explanations of suicide attempts, encouraging restrictive eating and so on. This kind of content is really easy to stumble upon and it’s so incredibly dangerous, especially to our youth.
Social media doesn’t always have to be as dark as that to have a negative impact though. I recently had a year off social media because I was finding just seeing content from friends and family having a negative impact on my wellbeing. They weren’t posting anything dangerous or triggering, they were simply documenting their lives as most people do using social media. I wasn’t in a position to see it in a positive way. Each post about their successes would be like a knife in the back as I sat there reading them in a hospital bed. Taking time off from social media was really beneficial to my emotional wellbeing. I will often take a few days, weeks or months off from my socials as an act of self care.
Is your social media a positive place? Does it ever impact your wellbeing? Do you need to a break or to change what you’re consuming?
Lesson 7: Most things are temporary
My default mode when I’m in a depressive episode is “nothing is ever going to change”. Whilst at the time I totally believe this, it’s simply not accurate.
I have made it through every single day so far. That’s a pretty damn good record of achievement right there. If nothing was ever going to change, I can say with almost certainty that I wouldn’t be here today. In general, things do change.
“There is nothing in nature that blooms all year long. So don’t expect yourself to do so either”
This reminds me that there will be hard times and there will be times that I feel like giving up but that is okay and it won’t last forever.
It’s temporary, it might last longer than anticipated or hoped but it won’t last forever.
Another quote that really helps me when I’m in a bad way with my mental health is:
“This too shall pass”
Whether I believe it or not at the time, it’s true.
I’ve learnt a lot from my experiences, this list certainly isn’t inclusive of everything. I could go on for ages about lessons I’ve learnt from adversity.
I believe we all learn through our experiences and sharing these can go along way in personal development, awareness and understanding.
Every challenge, every adversity, contains within it the seeds of opportunity and growth — Roy Bennett
