Losing that sense of control
Sometimes life gets really, really busy. It can happen in an instant where two or three different situations come together and create a compounded effect. It’s tough. It’s exhausting. Most of all, it’s usually unexpected and out of our control. It really sucks. I like to be grounded and abreast with whatever’s going on in my life. What about you?
If you’re like me, then you may find that you lose this sense of control when you’re not grounded. It’s often a perception, but sometimes you may actually lose it. For me, I can’t say I ever lost full control. But, I felt that I was not in control and couldn’t ground myself. So what do you do?
For some, the first feeling may be to give up or let go completely. That may be a plausible action depending on the situation or the circumstances. Nevertheless, in giving up control, one has to be systematic and still remain on the ball so to speak.
On the hand, one may decide to bear down and fight with all their living being to not give up control and not allow someone else to make a choice for them. It may be a life or death situation. Nevertheless, it may be difficult to see where you’re doing.
Either way, there should be a way that you stay abreast with what’s going on. Even if you give up control, you can’t lose sight of what’s happening around you or where you are. Here’s a few ways that I found work well:
#1 Stay true to your goals
No matter what the situation, keep your eye on your goals. It’s hard, but it’s a guiding principle. It helps you keep on the ball with achieving what you’re supposed to be doing. For example, your employment or business goals can help you to focus on steering your career/business in a positive direction. That positive steering could land you a promotion or a big client.
If you don’t have any goals, then it would be a good time to set them. Start out by figuring out what you’d like to achieve in a given period. Next, make sure that whatever you set makes sense and is relevant to helping you in the future. Finally, you can always change a goal if you need to so long as it is a relevant, value-adding change.
#2 Accept what can’t be changed
This is one of the hardest ones to understand and follow through. Depending on the situation, it may be really hard to accept something especially if it strikes close to home. For example, you may have a relative that’s very ill with a terminal disease. This is extremely difficult, but you can’t change anything no matter what you do. Such a situation is one of those that you have to accept.
When you accept, it becomes a reality. It becomes real and can struck you at the core making you feel vulnerable and raw. That’s what’s supposed to happen. But, there is always a way going up. It helps you prepare for the way forward by focusing your energy on what you can influence.
#3 Pick your battles
This one is very similar to accepting, but not exactly the same. Let’s say it goes hand in hand with acceptance. Sometimes, there may be many different factors coming into play. Some of these factors you can change and others not. By virtue of changing these factors, you may cause disagreements with those around you.
You have to choose how you create these disagreements and with whom. Depending on the situation, you may not want to engage with those people at all. On the hand, you may to fight for what you believe in. The choice of whether you engage or don’t is based on your best judgment of the situation and what you gain out of it. Remember, you should gain something out of it.
#4 Ask for help
I will openly admit that I need help. It’s just the way I am. I don’t have the chance to do everything myself even though I’d like to. Sometimes, I encountered a situation and I was dumbfounded. It was was those times where I reached out to someone and was able to find a solution.
Of course, you may not have help at all. If that’s the case, then you have to figure it out. I think in most cases this happens very rarely. Often, it happens, because we are too afraid to ask. We are too afraid of shame. Or, we have too much pride and don’t want to seem weak. Whatever the reason, it’s ridiculous not to ask for help especially when it’s offered.
#5 Stay calm
Panicking is very easy to do. This happens especially if you perceive that you’re not in control. It’s happening all around you and may cause your head to spin. You can’t figure out which way is up.
As cliché as it sounds, stay calm.
If you stay calm, then you can take a moment to assess the situation. You can take a global snapshot of what’s going on — what you change, can’t change, your goals, and what you need to get through it. You may also decide what will be difficult or what won’t be difficult (or at least you don’t think it will be). I think remaining level headed in what you’re doing makes a big difference.
The situation may be really, really crap, but keep it together. Don’t bend or give into it. As soon as you do, you’ve lost and there’s no way for you to recover or ever regain control.
In whatever you do, don’t forget that it’s a journey. It’s about getting through it, learning, and becoming better at it. It seems logical and easy to say, but it’s not always easy to follow through.
Final Thoughts
If you take a moment to reflect on what I’ve mentioned here. I would say the most important outcome is to learn from whatever it is that you’ve gone through so you can use it for the future. You can achieve it, but you have to work through it.
Some say that the most important things are worth fighting for. I don’t necessarily believe in that. I think the most are important are those things that will have the most profound effect on you and that motivate you to stay focus on what you’re doing.
Finally, take a moment to breath, ground yourself, and take a look around you.
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About me: I am a copywriter and storyteller who also manages various projects. I enjoy writing and always looking to improve and collaborate. I am an avid freelancer and looking to become a full time entrepreneur. You can follow me here on Medium or connect with me on LinkedIn.
