Losing the Fear of Fear
How I learned fear highlights opportunity
The Voice of Fear
My personal and professional journey has been riddled with fear. Typically there are two types of fear that present themselves the most often; fear of not getting something I want or fear of losing something that I have.
It can be crippling, cutting off my ability to think creatively and preventing me from focusing on solutions. Much like quicksand, I instinctually lash out, grasping for methods of escape instead of calmly analyzing my options. As a result, I sink deeper and deeper.
Countless times I have found myself passing on opportunities, bombing an interview, or avoiding conversations. I gave in to the voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough, smart enough or that I am a fraud.
The voice of fear sounded pretty familiar, in fact, it sounded a lot like me. When I started reviewing all the times I let the voice of fear coax me away from my goals and values, I realized there was one thing that never happened.
I never shared my fear with someone else.
Find A New Voice
I found it very paradoxical to try and solve my own thinking problem with more of my own thinking. Once I could connect that my fear originated from inside myself and not the actions I was avoiding, it became clear that outside help was paramount.
When I started sharing my fears with others, they could see through the haze the fear left in my mind and coach me to finding paths forward. One story, in particular, comes to mind.
I was a new manager at the call center I was working at, and I had inherited some tenured top performers. When it came time to have coaching sessions with them, I was terrified to point out areas of improvement.
These were the best sellers I had, and surely if I showed them that they could do better, they would rebel and not want to produce for me anymore. After all, I was a new manager and they had been around before I was ever hired. What did I have to offer?
I let this continue until I was finally called out by my manager, as it became apparent that I wasn't providing any meaningful constructive feedback to this group of employees. The first thing that popped into my mind was not to tell them I was afraid, because that would show weakness and that I didn't deserve to be in my role.
Instead of giving in to fear again and finding an easy way out, I decided to get honest about my fear.
Fear Highlights Opportunity
My manager did not shame me or judge me because I was afraid, instead, he coached me and walked me through my thinking. He pointed out that I was promoted for a reason, and just because I wasn’t the top seller on the floor, doesn't mean I don't have valuable experience to share. They posed the question:
If we don’t coach people who are good at their job, then how will they become great?
If that treasure trove of insight wasn’t enough, they also taught me one of the most important facts of my career.
When I am facing fear, it’s because I have an opportunity in front of me to grow.
How true that was because by breaking through the fear and coaching those individuals, I was able to redefine my value as a coach and leader. Without that experience, I never could have progressed in my journey and gotten to where I am today. Now when I experience fear, I know I'm about to grow. I know I’m going to come out stronger and better prepared for future success.
So when you hear that voice in your head, replace it with someone else's. We all have people in our lives we can trust to want what's best for us and to see us grow.
The only thing you’ll have to fear is more growth than you know what to do with.
