Mental Aside: Not Alone in the Desert
We are amazing creatures. We can juggle many tasks, adapt to new situations relatively quickly, and use our talents to further our abilities. Humans are hardwired for high performance, if we choose to go that route.
What happens when we are presented with new and difficult scenarios? Emotions we’ve never experienced?
How about the feeling of being inadequate? “Will this be permanent? Will it pass? Am I the only one to feel this way?”
This is where I found myself in the past week.
For the first time in many years, I felt unprepared and untalented. To make matters more daunting, I realized this is my new career choice.
The imagery of a person in a boat at sea comes to mind. Except that the boat is about 100 yards away from an oncoming tidal wave.
I felt anxiety like never before. This usually-brave-and-forward-leaning guy became depressed and upon going home, went immediately to sleep. Typical response, I’d say.
The next day came, the sun rose, and I was still anxious.
I had asked my instructors at the Iron Yard for a meeting to discuss what I was feeling. We sat down and what came next was not what I expected (clickbait title in the making).
Upon spilling my thoughts out on these innocent souls, I was met with compassion. Not your typical sort of “Oh, we understand. You’ll get through it. We’ve all been there.” No, this was new to me.
We discussed the actual emotions themselves. The idea of growth mindset came up. Yes, that buzzword of which I had thought myself quite adept. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
“So this is new for you, isn’t it?,” said Eric.
“Yeah, I haven’t experienced not knowing what do to in some time.”
“Guess what, that’s ok. You are learning and have been doing this (JavaScript) for about 8 days. Are you expecting to remember every detail already?,” chimed Douglas.
“Was I?”
Then, Caitlin reminded me, “You are driven and hardworking, but listen — you will stumble. You will fall. Here’s the important part: you are not alone.”
That. That was it.
Surrounding me are instructors dedicated to my success, so long as I am all-in. In my cohort are students who struggle with the same concepts. Why? We are neophytes.
This brought a certain level of comfort. More so, it brought arrival of determination to succeed.
That day, we had social time after class. A beer, some games, and laughter (much laughter) were good enough to see me through the day.
Then, a memory of situation from a few days prior.
I had taken an Uber to a bar in Deep Ellum after working out. My driver, Barbara, and I were talking about our lives when the topic of career change came up. I looked at her and said, “I’m not good at this yet, but I will be one day.”
She was changing to become a real estate agent. The last words she said before leaving was, “I will say that to myself every day. Thank you.”
Perhaps I needed that phrase just as much as Barbara.
We are not alone in the desert.
