My 12-Month-Old Son Helped Me to Resign from My Job
The 12-month-old mark for my son, or thereabouts, was a big milestone for him, although probably more so for me. Apart from the obvious, it being his 1st birthday, my son started to engage, be playful, show his character and personality. His ever-present smile directed towards me as I walked through the front door every day after a long day at work, would not only melt my heart but also help my troubles and stress levels to dissipate as well.
Work-life Imbalance
He was truly amazing, showing such character, joy and lust for life. I, on the other hand, was not bringing up my end of the bargain. I was not a pleasure to be around, I was irritable, stressed and rarely present. If I didn’t have my head in my computer (and my sometimes in my hands), I had it in my phone; reading and responding to emails, following up on my team and their deliverables. I was doing a very poor job of maintaining any semblance of work-life balance.
Describing my workdays as gruelling would be an adequate descriptor, not quite painful but certainly not easy with no enjoyment or positivity to draw upon. It wasn’t as though the hard work was the problem, I enjoy working hard to achieve my goals to be successful. Nothing gives me greater satisfaction. It was the expectation that was put on me, that nothing was ever good enough, that no matter how much I worked and how much of my family’s time I sacrificed, it would never be enough.
We didn’t know how to celebrate success, only linger on the failures and missed opportunities. We had some real triumphs over my tenure, those were quickly forgotten as we forged onwards looking to scale the next height, not stopping to reflect and take any of it in. Looking back I think this just wore away at me over time and compounded my ill-feeling and resentment.
That’s not to say that I hadn’t made lifestyle changes along the way. Around the time of my son’s birth I put a stop to accessing any work emails over the weekend. It seems a trivial action to take, “who’s emailing you anyway on the weekend”, one might say. There were many emails; weekends, noon & night. Most received with the expectance of a prompt response. A mail sent on Saturday certainly could not wait for Monday, I’m not sure it could wait for Sunday even.
But enough was enough, I needed to take back some of my own time outside of the office. If anyone needed something from me on the weekend and it was urgent, they would have to phone me or else wait till Monday. I think you’ll be surprised to know that this decision was not taken well and created more than its fair share of controversy. My loyalty and commitment were put into question. But by then I didn’t care, things had to change, I needed to reclaim my life back and start to re-prioritise things.
10 years of growth and dedication
I had been in the business for 10 years. I joined with a staff contingent in the single digits and by the end, we had grown to more than 650 strong. When I started I had promised myself to be there for only 2 years. Before not too long 2 years had become 4, 4 became 8 and then quickly it was 10.
I felt a sense of pride for what we had achieved and excitement for the potential for further great things. I also felt an incredible sense of loyalty to my partners and colleagues, but more importantly, to the employees within the organisation.
But the realization set in, I had to start making some changes. I’m sure as you’re reading this it seems like it was an obvious conclusion, an easy decision to make. While writing this I found myself having similar thoughts, why was it so hard for me. However, if I cast my mind back and reflect deeply on that particular stage in my like, I can still experience those feelings of why it was so difficult. I had been with the business for so long, people relied on me, needed me and I didn’t want to let anyone down. I also didn’t want to give up and admit defeat. I wanted to see this journey through to its natural conclusion. To this day I’m not sure what that meant, what was to be the definition of success. Would we sell out and make our millions? It’s clear to me now that I didn’t really have a plan or an end-goal.
Time to say goodbye
It took some time but I eventually had the clarity and context to realize that life is too short and too precious to spend somewhere where you’re not happy and fulfilled, and which impacts other areas of your life. My son, by his pure unbridled innocence, revealed this to me. I couldn’t squander such an important time in his life, one that I would look back upon and regret.
I’ve had this realisation a few times before, typically occurring on an airplane flight directly after lift-off. As we would start the ascent to 30,000ft, I would look down on the ever-widening and shrinking landscape. I would marvel over this vast horizon, over the millions of people going about their daily lives. On night flights I would be awe-struck at all the bright burning lights from buildings and motorways below. There were so many people, such a big and complex world out there. My problems and circumstance, so small in the grand scheme of things — “Why are you worrying so much about this?”, I would say to myself. “Don’t sweat the small stuff… resign and just move on!”.
But I never did act on those thoughts. As the plane pierced through the clouds and left the city below behind us, that feeling was gone, along with my resolution to do anything about it.
This time there was no fleeting feeling, but rather a consistent and re-occurring message conveyed through a beautiful little person. One that I’m happy to say I listened to and haven’t regretted it for one day since.
There are still days or weeks even, where I have to prioritise work over family. But these moments are short-lived and are just part of the working world. We occasionally have to step-up and go above and beyond when the situation necessitates itself.
I’m happy to do so. I’m privileged and grateful to be able to work and have a loving family, to enjoy the fruits of both. These two things are not mutually exclusive but it’s about striking the balance and integrating the two cohesively. It’s a continual work-in-progress but I like to think I now get this right more often than not.
