My Teenage Life
I am the eldest child of the family. I am the hope of my parents. They sent me to have a high education and learn a new language — I mean English as a second language. They would like me to be humble and always hungry for learning a new thing.
They raised me well. They sent me to stay at the dormitory since I was in primary school. They would like me to be patient and stand on my own. That is what they said to me. Even though, it was tough to stay there without anyone with my age — I mean there was, but we were not getting along well. They still monitor me like a gradient should do.
I was sent to NewZealand after junior high school. I was sent there alone as I thought, however, I got many things in return — a new experience. I experienced culture shock for the first time in my life.
They tried to do the best of anything for me, even I do not seldom see it and think that they just doing it for themselves, not for me.
Once, I used to think that I am no different from a trophy child, like a topic I did in Sociology class about child abuse. However, it is not what I think at all. I know that I might be just misunderstanding, but that is still bothering me. I assume that it will be like a punishment until the day I die.
Now, I know why many elder people said that the teenager is a risky period of life which can be turned into any direction easily.
As a young adult or should I say an ordinary teenage, I would like to do anything in my way. I did not want anyone to get in my way. Love is another topic I did not want to let it go. I argued with them a few times about this topic. I told them that they might be too picky about who I would like to love, but that is what I have to confess that I was too careless myself.
I used to think that I know myself best. There is no other who will understand me better than I am. I am on my own. I will make any decision on my own without listening to anyone. What a prideful person I was (I mean too much).
What they taught me did not have any meaning to me at all. I forgot everything they taught. I thought that they were just talking nonsense and unreasonable. That might because they underlined what I did not want to hear. they told me many times until there was a time that I could not bear it anymore.
All of the emotions was exploded and collapse at the same time. There was nothing that can stop the argument except time which was matter. Without any reason, I still argued irrationally. I did not care what were reasons they gave me. I became silly and that made me seemed stupid when I look back to how I was at that time.
When the time passed by, we knew that we were wasting time worthlessly, so we stopped right there. Until all of us became calm and ready to listen to each other. My parents approached me with reasons and whatever they thought I would listen to.
Finally, I decided to listen to what they give a lot of effort to say to me. When I reconsider everything with myself, all of these were my fault of being unreasonable and egotistic until not listen to anyone. I fell in love so easily. I felt both thankful and pathetic at the same time.
I felt appreciated for what they were saying and trying to help me all the time. No matter what I have done to them; they still would like to assist me anyway.
I felt sad because I just knew how foolish I was when I did not listen to them and chose a wrong path without any consideration.
I felt lucky because at last, I still listened to their words and chose the right path which I could still walk tall with pride (not too much as in the past).
That was a horrible time which I had an issue with my family and it got worse until I thought they will leave me right there where I won’t have any help anymore. They were still standing by my side and try to solve the problem with me.
I did something unforgivable to anyone around me including my parents and siblings. I know it is true that I deserve to be punished for what I did, however, life is playing a trick on me. I got another chance from my parents. That made me a little bit confused.
I asked one of my friends who is a few years older than me and he gave me an answer I needed. it was king like the only hope for me at that time. There was the only way I could find anyone who I can communicate with during my emotional breakdown after the recent life issue.
He told me to apologize to them about what I have done. I think that might be a great way which I would stop blaming myself. However, I still cannot find a perfect time for that yet. I am going to do it for sure. I determine it.
He also told me that it will take time. At least talking with him made me have a better aspect of life and also my parents.
I knew that sometimes, the emotion could be fluctuated and unpredicted. I have to calm down and think of it carefully. There is no reason to not take the time to think about the past.
The past is just a teacher, not a ghost which will haunt us. Hence, walks forward. The past is just a story to learn from, not something to be bothering.
