No Pants, No Problem: Living Alone in Your 20’s
In all the years I spent dreaming about someday moving out on my own, I never once imagined it would be by myself. Nothing about living alone seemed attractive to me. I didn’t end up going away for college, so for a long time I had visions of my girlfriends and I living in our own little version of a sorority house, with movie nights and wine and bobby pins all over the damn place. When I was eventually in a position to leave my family’s house, no one who I actually wanted to live with was ready. I was dead-set on leaving, so I took my 3-pound dog and my plants and said goodbye to homemade dinners and in-unit laundry.
It was pretty much the greatest thing I ever did for myself. But you knew that!
Of course, I didn’t know it at first. I was busy trying to figure out how to keep the dog from peeing on my rug while I was out and what to fail at for dinner. But after two and half years of doing this thing, I can tell you the best and the worst parts are all worth it. I realized that no matter how self-aware you think you are, if given the time and space, you can still surprise yourself. Like when you discover that ALL the hair in the drain is yours… among other things:
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU CAN DO ANYTHING?
A lot of the time you spend at home is down time when you live by yourself. When you first realize just how much time you can dedicate to whatever you want, it’s easy to get trigger happy and do things just because you can. Like reorganizing all of your family photos so they’re in chronological order, or trying to teach your dog Spanish. But once that wears off, you start to figure out what “me time” really means to you. Maybe you realize me time is actually being out of the house on a walk or doing whatever takes you outside of your four walls. Perhaps it’s wearing as little clothing as you want while relaxing in front of the tv with a giant pizza (Idk some people really love that, maybe). You might just stumble upon a new hobby you never had the time to try before. Whatever it is, you have the freedom of discovering it on your own, rather than it being dictated by the circumstances of a house full of people. You are the circumstance! And when you have a real understanding of that, you eventually find the motivation to spend your time as productively as possible. It’s easier to do when there’s pretty much nothing holding you back but yourself.
WHY HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE?
One of the benefits of being king of your own castle is that you get to decide who you want in it, and more importantly, why. It’s a strange thing that happens when you’re on your own, but it’s really easy to isolate yourself unless you make an effort to talk to people and see them. It becomes increasingly obvious what you’ll put on pants for, the kinds of interactions and social experiences you truly value having. Now that you’ve spent a bunch of time on your own uncovering hidden talents and expanding your horizons, you think twice about going to that same bar again or waiting in line for 30 minutes to do something predictable. FOMO stops being such a huge part of your decision-making process when you crave new, productive, memorable ways to spend time with the people that matter. It may as well be quality time if it’s gonna be worth crawling out of your snuggie for, right?
IF I’M ALL I HAVE, CAN THAT BE ENOUGH?
This is one of the toughest things I’ve come to terms with, which I think most people encounter when they’re young and on their own. Of course, everyone has different circumstances and levels of “alone” that can apply here. Whether it means someone is no longer just in the other room to bring you toilet paper, or there’s a far greater distance to bridge before there’s someone there for you, a time will come when living alone will mean you have to resort to yourself for comfort. It is the truest test of your independence, when you feel lost or overwhelmed and find that in that moment, you’ve got to be your own remedy. Self-soothing is something we learn as babies, and it’s what helps us become normal adults and get past the shit-show that is adolescence. In this second phase of adulthood, there’s a deeper level of self-soothing that you discover when you decide to be self-sufficient, and it takes time to master. But learning to be your own calming, guiding voice when shit hits the fan and pick yourself back up is probably the greatest lesson you can learn being by yourself, and an invaluable skill to have for the future.
Truthfully, these are things you can discover at any age, in any circumstance. Living alone just sort of organically brings these things about when you’re still young and trying to be somebody in ze world. I’m sure those of you living on your own can attest to a million other valuable lessons that have come from it, and I’d love to hear them!
