Reality is harsh and unfair. How to tame it

Why you don’t need to interpret your future plans in detail. And why you don’t need to be afraid at reality

Sonny Recio
Jul 24, 2017 · 7 min read

You can’t set your plans in stone. Sometimes, reality is different than what you’re visualizing. You might have a great and ambitious vision that’s waiting to be discovered in the world. But reality painted a different outcome than your visions.

It’s not bad to be ambitious. In fact, I mostly am ambitious person who thinks a lot of things with somehow bigger visions in life. But to the point that I plan everything out would be a waste of time.

Recognize that reality might not align with your expectations

After I started working in one of the biggest industries in our local city, I started planning everything out to be the best in my field and gain unimaginable experience in my earlier years of career. One of them is to achieve working at Microsoft within 3 years time after I’ve landed a job for the first time as Programmer last 2013. Alongside my Microsoft dream was the Canada immigration.

So let me explain how I plan everything out.

Timeline planner

This was my 2016 timeframe. I used timeline/timeframe planner in reaching my goals. This way, I was interpreting the future I wanted to have and control everything at my will. While I was doing this, it was draining my energy. In turn, this put a lot of pressure on me, physically and emotionally (ego depletion). But that’s because I wanted to meet every actions that was plotted within my timeframe.

So along the way I’ve self-studied a lot, absorb every information I can learn, and socialize with people and learn from them as much as I can that I can use in my field. Create something that I can create. Contribute. Then rinse and repeat.

Little did I know I ended up in another city while doing the process. I didn’t expected that I’m starting to widen my horizons and broaden my opportunity. I didn’t listen to the advices of my friends, my colleagues, my parents of staying in my comfort zone. It wasn’t my style of staying in my comfort zone.

If I need to suffer to get out of my comfort zone, I would do it for the sake of my personal growth and widening my knowledge.

But still, by the end of the year, I wasn’t able to hit the deadlines I’ve set upon myself. When I’m on half the quarter of the year, I go on auto-pilot again like I used to do and not paying attention to my timeframe planner. But I did noticed something in my behavior.

I’m not saying that you should not use timeframe planner, perhaps I did not make use of it correctly. Squeezing all of my main goals(mainly the difficult ones) in one year is a bad idea altogether. I should’ve set my timeframe realistically.


Of course, that’s the reality. Not all your plans will happen. But unless you take action and set some realistic goals, only then it will come true. Good thing I was not very attached to this dream. So I wasn’t depressed at all.

Quite often, reality paints a different story than our imaginations. So it’s best if we don’t get attached on planning everything out. I sometimes see other people who gets depressed once their plans weren’t met in a timely manner. If so, don’t be so obsessed in controlling everything. It will create a toxic in your life instead of helping you out in reaching your next big thing.

I always fall into this habit and getting frustrated along the way in the end if things didn’t go my way. Of course I know what I wanted to achieve all along. But, it might not be healthy anymore.

Have one big goal at a time and break it down to subgoals that are achievable

The problem with my timeframe is that, it’s expecting to accomplish bigger goals in my expected timeframe. I didn’t realized I was making a recipe for disaster and burning out.

This is probably what self-motivated people are doing. Unrealistically making some big goals simultaneously to the point that we can no longer do it.

Here’s how I do it:

To-do lists

I have a big goal that needs accomplishing this year(which is to become a seasoned Software Engineer). To achieve that goal, I break it down into tiny little bits of pieces. I now take baby steps to accomplish something and get myself moving. I used to do a lot of planning, preparation in the middle, until I can’t do it anymore.

You don’t need to plan everything out. Just create subtasks that are achievable in the meantime to keep you going. No need to force yourself to jump to the bigger thing instantly. Make small progress each day. It will make a difference.

You can set timeframe to expect commitment, but don’t get attached to it

Okay, setting a goal without commitment is like planning for nothing. You need to be determined, you need to force yourself to commit to your goals no matter what.

Setting a timeframe encourages commitment, but remember to set some realistic timeframe. Otherwise you might get depressed.

Internalize your goals and the end results

Now I rarely plan every steps that was visualized in my brain. I feel like I already know what should I do, it’s just that I don’t waste my time explaining or interpret it on my own. Let your thoughts guide you. I’m not saying that you should not plan anymore. I’m saying that you limit planning everything out because not all will go your own way.

Remember to only plan the biggest goals you want to achieve and divide them into subgoals. Other than that let go of every other plans you had in mind. They’re a waste of time.

In fact, if I have some plans in mind, usually if my mind visualizes something big, I let action take place in addition to jutting it down. It’s pretty effective.

Practice Calculated Risks

Dr. Daniel Kahneman, author of the book: “Thinking Fast and Slow” calls this pre-mortem planning. Which means, plan ahead of time what things might get wrong when you execute something and make a Plan B out of it or prevent it from happening. That way, you won’t get stressed if things go wrong.

Even without reading the book, I always practice calculated risks. I already know that I’ll fail along the way. Actually, I do such risks with the expectation of failing. I’m not afraid of staring at failures in the face. I calculate the probability of success of such plans I had. The bigger the goals, the greater chance we fail. So I can always go for Plan B when things go wrong and not getting stressed by the outcome.

I can’t blame you if you’re afraid to take risks. After all, it’s all about human beings defense mechanism built within our very own being. We’re naturally risk-averse as species.

In my career, this has always played in my favor. I’ve always laying out my Plan B just in case my bigger plans will fail.

Practice Meditating daily

Meditation is a form of freeing your mind from unnecessary wastes and attachments. Our modern day living teaches us to get attached to everything we do. It is not healthy, nor helpful in reaching your dreams and aspirations in life.

Everyone agrees that attachment is toxic and unhealthy.

It creates unnecessary drama and setbacks in our lives. People have thought that attachment only happens within our romantic relationships. This is not true. Attachment happens in every areas of our lives. In social media, in our possession, in our romantic partners, in our influence, in our social circle. Thus, attachment creates some sort of validation to validate whether we still have it in our possession. If not, we get depressed as if one part of our soul was taken away from it.

Meditation allows us to let go of our attachments and free our minds from those obsessions to attachments, earthly desires, and purify our spiritual aspect through silence and set us up into a zen state. But, it won’t take effect immediately until you try it over and over again. This is perhaps a skill you need to develop to tame reality at your mercy.

I just try this today and every time I’m getting better in practicing it. A couple of times there are lots of interruptions my brain is telling me. Some of my enemies during meditation includes: lots of ideas, attachment from the past, my ego, my pride, etc. It was hard to tame at first, but once I try to recognize those noises from my brain, I was able to master it and focus my mind in my breathing process while I meditate.

If you wanted to give meditation a shot, try to do it at least once a day. Find a place where you can meditate silently. And don’t stop meditating if your mind is filled with distractions such as the things I mentioned above. The key here is to not stop trying and recognize those distractions. Sooner or later it will eventually won’t interrupt with your meditation.

I just heard my mind today while meditating saying:

“Let go of your worldly desires”, “Let go of any attachments you have”, “Focus on your breathing and in silence”

LOL

Wrapping everything out

If you think life is unfair to you. Then deal with it. But don’t give up on your dreams.

Reality is harsher to me. I thought life is unfair. I just don’t let my closest friends know. What they saw right now were the ones I’ve worked for so long with blood and sweat.

I believe we all go through the hard times, regardless if we have bigger dreams or not.

Best of luck!

The Ascent

A community of storytellers documenting the journey to happiness & fulfillment.

Sonny Recio

Written by

10% Entrepreneur / Fitness Junkie / Software Engineer / Full-Stack web developer / article writer.

The Ascent

A community of storytellers documenting the journey to happiness & fulfillment.

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