Rethinking What it Means to Be a “Real Person”
Growing up in perfectly manicured, anything-but-real South Florida, I always thought that the real world would be different. I thought that after college, I would magically get spit up into it, and I would get to live in “reality” at last. I thought of this unavoidable post-college reality as one in which I would be an adult with a “real job” and “real responsibilities.” This is what mainstream American and Western society teaches us. “Real people” define themselves with their work, and with their contribution to the economy. “Real people” pursue a career and maintain their career as their main source of purpose in life (in addition to family). Real people get married and have kids and keep the system going.
So, at 28, having just moved to my birthplace of Bogotá, Colombia, am I not a “real person”?
I came to Colombia because it’s something that I have always wanted to do. That’s it. Since arriving, I have been forced to start questioning my long-held expectations for myself and my future. I have been exposed to the truly insane wealth gap that exists in this country and that continues to grow all over the world. I have been seeing how other people live and how many find joy outside of mainstream notions of success.
You might find joy as a writer, like I do. It’s possible that you’re not sure about what brings you joy yet. But if you’re too laser-focused on moving up a corporate ladder or advancing your career, you may never have the time to find that joy, or at least pursue it.
My new environment and its extreme inequality has led me to contemplate different notions of success and purpose that together, define the makings of a real “real person.” A “real person” is someone who has the courage to take risks. Someone with a passion and a drive. Someone who isn’t afraid to live by their principles. Someone who expresses themselves freely and passionately. Someone who recognizes their own flaws and commits to being better. I can’t say that by these new standards I am fully there yet, but I can say that I’m at least on my way.
The biggest step has been recognizing that there are alternative pathways that may bring me more joy than reaching the conventional expectations I may have once had for myself. This doesn’t mean that I don’t still crave mainstream success — I do — because its so intrinsic to my socialization. What this means instead is that I have come to recognize the importance of valuing other pursuits like passion and joy above, or at least on par with, success.
I am not suggesting that you should abandon society, adopt all forms of “alternative living,” and go live as a recluse in the mountains (although these days, that sometimes sounds very appealing). What I’m saying is that maybe full-time, career-building work isn’t the only answer. If you can swing it, try prioritizing your pursuit of joy. If a career brings you that, awesome. But if it doesn’t, don’t just leave it there.
Make room for joy and you will feel more real than you ever have before.
