Saying “No” Is The Only Shortcut To Success
The Magic Word That Only Successful People Use
We think “yes” will let us accomplish more, will give us more of what we want, when in reality it prevents exactly what we seek. All of us waste precious life doing things we don’t like, to prove ourselves to people we don’t respect, and to get things we don’t want. — Ryan Holiday
From childhood, one of the first lessons we are all taught is to look both ways before crossing the street. Thats why many of us are still alive today, despite the reckless drivers that try to beat the yellow light before it turns red — as we’re about to cross the street in anticipation for the pedestrian signal light to turn green.
I was about 6 years old when my mother first taught me how to dial 911, incase someone tried to break into our apartment while she left me at home alone.
My Granny taught me how to fight around that age too, because the other kids would pick on me for being the shortest in my 2nd grade class — but I would still get beat up because I was more worried about upsetting the “bully” more than I was worried about coming home with my clothes torn — mainly because the bully was a girl that liked me.
Out of everything I was taught as a child coming up in this world, nothing gave me everything I ever wanted more than the words “please” and “thank you”.
I was able to make friends with people that I otherwise would have never gotten the chance to know on a more personal level.
The adults adored me for it, and you would have thought I was the world’s “best behaved” kid — and for the most part I was.
There were would be serious consequences for not saying “please” when I asked for something, which usually resulted in a spanking — the punishment would be even worst if I received what I asked for, without saying “thank you”.
I didn’t “enjoy” spankings that much — needless to say — and as a result, I became a people pleaser.
My interactions with others became more so about “wowing” them with how polite I was, because I wanted to be seen as the “nice guy” that appeared to have a “good upbringing”.
Instead of just being “polite” because thats the human thing to do, I was more so doing it because I enjoyed the “words of affirmation” that came along with being courteous.
Things got even more interesting when I discovered how quickly saying “yes” would turn people that didn’t even like me, into “friends”.
There was a point in my life where my only response was a “yes”.
It made me “look” good in the eyes of others. It felt good to earn the reputation of someone that was always willing to put others, and what they needed, as a priority over myself— regardless to whether me saying “yes” was also me telling myself “no”.
I sacrificed money and time because I wanted people to like me, by saying “yes” to everyone.
I would make plans for my off days from work, just to drop them — to fit someone else’s plans. I thought this made me a “good” person. I thought this would gain me the admiration of the people that would have otherwise thought less of me, unless I was willing to forgo my own plans — with a “yes”.
It took me finding my purpose, and understanding that I needed to develop an unbroken focus (if I was going to fulfill my purpose), to turn my “yes” into a “no”.
Throughout my 20s, I was just existing — moving every 3 to 4 years to different countries around the world while serving out my military contract.
I’ve re-enlisted 3 times during my time in the Navy, each time signing up for just 4 more years — because I didn’t have a reason to say “no”.
With each re-enlistment, I was saying “yes” to the Navy, and yes to everyone else that encouraged me to stay in — while saying no to myself, and what I really wanted.
Becoming Fluent In The Language Of “No”
“Freedom is the most important thing. We’re born with it, and yet many of us wake up one day surprised at the chains we wear. The reason? Because we said yes too many times and never learned how to say no.” — Ryan Holiday
The day I discovered the word “no” I discovered fire.
I learned that a simple “no” had more stopping power, when no explanation was given to follow up behind it.
Saying “no” is a self sufficient act.
To say “no” is to set fire to the ship that I had arrived on, to rely on myself and my own internal compass, to overtake any obstacle that stood in the way of me being victorious in the battle for my own head space and creativity.
Saying “no” meant that I was on my own — it was both terrifying and liberating.
Saying “no” brought me closer to being “god-like” and immortal.
I gave myself no other option but to be successful, by sidelining any distractions or anything that would not further my “campaign” — by simply saying “no”..
With that one single two letter word, I was able to move mountains and completely recreate the world I was living in — as if “matter” at the basic sub-atomic level stood still right before my eyes, and began to assemble itself how ever I directed it with the words and thoughts that proceeded after invoking the mysterious power of that one syllable word.
I’ve been living in Japan for close to 3 years now, so believe me when I say its easier to learn Japanese, than it is to learn how to say no — “no” is a language in and of itself that very few people master, and it only consists of one word that all people of every country around the world understand — yet the majority have a hard time comprehending it.
Mastering the language of “no” is only possible when you have a clearly defined picture of what you want, a definite purpose (created by you) and a craft that you love so much that you’re willing to make “deposits” into it over a long extended period of time — with no reward in sight.
“No” became my way of putting my blinders on.
“No” became my second language, and almost no one understood it—and in most cases I lost friends because of the “language barrier” and I upset the people closest to me that knew me — before I found and redefined my purpose.
I was a on a mission, and “no” opened up worlds to me that I never could have imagined I would explore during my life time.
I went from being an extra in the world’s of other people, to being the creator, architect and main character in my own world.
The more I witnessed the creating power behind the word “no” the more I was unapologetic about using it — I learned how to stop time, and use it to my advantage.
At will, “no” gave me the power to move in and out of the “moment” as I pleased — “no” taught me that each present moment is the only point in time when anything of noteworthy proportions could be constructed.
“No” Is The Only Way To Press Fast Forward
“The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.” — Warren Buffet
“No” disrupts reality and causes it to change its course.
“No” has the power to give you the ability to transcend your current reality “over night”.
The landscape completely changes, at the sound of an authoritative “no”— “no” breaks the chains of old thinking patterns, and puts a halt to routines that held you captive to the “yes” that was an assault on your individuality and authenticity.
Individuality isn’t doing what everyone else is doing or what they want you to do, because you fear upsetting them or looking odd to them.
There is nothing authentic about saying “yes” to others, while simultaneously telling yourself “no”.
“No” is how you break away from conformity and the need to be accepted.
You can’t create your own world, when you live in some else’s.
“No” allows you to bypass all obstacles that would have otherwise stood in the way — “no” allows you to complete a year’s worth of work within a fraction of the time.
It blocks off time and creates barriers around you to guard what you are doing from people that don’t respect your time, and from certain activities that take the time away from you that you could have used to perfect your craft.
Look Out! Coming Through!
“But just saying yes because you can’t bear the short-term pain of saying no is not going to help you do the work.” — Seth Godin
It takes discipline to say “no”.
When saying “no” means delaying immediate gratification, its almost unbearable — but the more you do it, the more focused you’ll be and the faster you’ll get to your goal.
“No” builds momentum and keeps it going until you reach your destination.
How fast you get “there” depends on how many times you’re willing to say “no”.
A night out with friends, the recent release of the newest season of your favorite Netflix series, or a concert nearby by one of your favorite artist — you’re faced between choosing one of these, and saying “no” — right when your focus matters the most.
The most successful people are good at staying focused, and although there may be people that are more talented than they are, they excel because they have this ability to maintain their laser like focus — by saying “no”.
They get so much done within a shorter amount of time because “no” is the magic word when it comes to turning dreams into tangible realities.
They understand the value in each present moment, and they aren’t effected by time — they know that choosing between saying “yes” or “no” is the difference between something being put off until “tomorrow” — that far off place where people put dreams on hold longer than they should, or indefinitely.
They know that there are no shortcuts to success, unless you’re willing to be the “bad guy” by saying “no”.
“No” is the fastest route to success because it removes any and every obstruction out of the way that would prolong how fast it will take to get to your destination.
