Screw the 10,000-Hour Theory: 8 Ways My Husband Taught Me About Mastery
There are thousands of different theories out there about the best tactics for learning and the road to mastery. One theory about mastery came from a 1993 psychology paper, popularised by Malcolm Gladwell’s book ‘Outliers’; this is the theory that anyone can master a skill with 10,000 hours of practice — or around 6 years if the number 10,000 seems too incomprehensible.
Since then, this 10,000-hour rule has been debunked by many. Well-known author Daniel Goleman — who was the first person to bring the idea of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) to popularity, has written about this in his recent book — ‘Focus, the Hidden Driver of Excellence’. In his book, Goleman basically says that the 10,000-hour rule is bollocks, it isn’t about the amount of time you put into something, but the quality of that time.
Now, I am just stating these as an intro but then am going to throw all studies aside and use my husband as a case in point, and how he has taught me about the road to mastery. Note — this is about the ‘road to mastery’, I am by no means calling him a master (just yet) — he would hate me if I did this.
I am always reading, watching TED talks or trying to absorb different types of information, studies and theories. Usually related to emotions, but the secrets to increasing productivity and destroying distraction have also been of keen interest to me. While I have discovered little nuggets of applicable wisdom throughout, I should have looked a little closer to home — quite literally.
My husband has taught me more about productivity and the road to mastery than anyone or anything else. He is the epitome of focused work, he is, where most of us want to be.
And the really fucken frustrating thing about it all? It seems to come so naturally to him AND, he also doesn’t give a shit what others think. He is so damn nonchalant about it all; which makes him equal parts inspiring and frustrating beyond all measure (more inspiring, but I know you feel me).
This past winter, carpentry has bee his passion and focus. He has always been good with his hands and has built us a few things around the house, but he would never describe himself as a carpenter. So, this winter, he devoted his time to learning about the art and practicalities of carpentry.
He has done a few small projects for friends before which impressed me enough, but last week he blew my mind. I was speechless — and for a talker and a writer, this is saying a lot.
I knew that he was working on a set of drawers for us, but that’s all I knew. Then he came upstairs with this, and, well, see for yourself.
The craftsmanship in this piece is obvious (even to someone who knows nothing about carpentry), the design, the details and finish… everything is stunning and speaks of real skill. I will also say — the side panels are wood-burnings his father made, and the model ship on top is handmade by his Grandfather, so you are looking at a 3-generational piece.
Feeling proud, I posted it on Facebook, and the images were inundated with likes and comments. Many of which came from skilled people in different trades, including carpentry. Everyone was blown away, but I am sure they would be even more so if they realised — he is self-taught, and this set of drawers is the fruit of his winter’s work. The drawers themselves took around 100-hours to make, but those 100-hours come off the back of close to 1,000 hours spent in the workshop, reading or watching demo videos.
This man is beyond inspiring and throughout his life, he has reached the top of his game in almost every field. He was a young karate kid, gaining a black-belt in a ridiculous amount of time. Then he moved to football and was offered to play for an esteemed regional team at the age of 19, which he declined because he fell in love with the sea. For the last 15+ years, he has dedicated himself to the sea, gaining his Royal Yacht Masters Certificate, sailing Croatia every summer, and has completed several ocean crossings. Oh, he has also been a drummer in a band for more than a decade, and while they don’t perform these days, he is still in the studio at least two nights a week, working at his skill.
Now, it sounds like I am writing his resume, or maybe ‘bigging him up’ too much, but it is just to show the type of man he is. There is a theme to his life and his disciplined character is evident, but there is also simplicity and practicality to his success which is not out of reach for us mere mortals.
What’s his secret?
Well, if you asked him, he would probably say something like “I just do it”. And paraphrasing Nike isn’t too far from the truth, the secret to getting shit done, is, of course, to do it. But the majority of us will struggle with the beauty of this simplicity. So, let me break it down a little further to explain how this incredible man of mine, gets shit done — without breaking a sweat, or having a nervous breakdown.
1. Zero Distractions
The greatest trait, or tool in my husband’s ‘getting shit done’ toolbox, is that he is a man not easily distracted. He is the only man I know without a smartphone — that’s right, he owns a phone that is only capable of sending texts and calls, ok, it can take photos, but the power of 6 megapixels has definitely seen its day.
So, he doesn’t have a smartphone, and he doesn’t engage with social media. He has a Facebook account which he barely opens, he doesn’t understand Instagram and Twitter sounds like a made-up word to him.
I swear, this alone is more than 50% of the secret sauce to this man’s success. Without social media and the constant draw to distraction that smartphones give, he spends very few wasted moments. You will never find him scrolling on his phone, so almost every moment of his day is used for a purpose. Sick, I know.
2. Focused Learning, Grit and Mindset
Daniel Goleman may have written a book about it, but my husband is the living, breathing example of focused-learning. Angela Duckworth is the author of the book ‘Grit’ which explains how some people go on to become masters in their field, not because they are the brightest but mostly through sheer grit and tenacity. Duckworth also cites the work of Psychologist Carol Dweck, who coined the term ‘fixed versus growth mindset’. In a nutshell, someone who has a growth mindset believes that anything is possible with the right amount of work and dedication; whereas a fixed mindset believes you are either naturally talented or not — and are less likely to work at crafting a skill. You don’t need a psychology degree to understand which mindset it more beneficial and conducive to success.
My husband definitely falls into the growth mindset category. He is of the firm opinion that you can learn any skill with enough focused work and commitment. I have danced between the two my whole life I think, and sadly have often found myself thinking more along the lines of a fixed mindset when it comes to my own skills, talents or possibilities. I am also a harsh self-critic and don’t love the process of learning a new skill if I don’t show natural signs of talent. However, thanks to Mirko, I am trying to be better at this.
3. Saturation
When Mirko learns something or works at a skill he already has, he doesn’t just work on it for the hours he set aside, he is saturated by it. What do I mean? Whenever he sets to learning a new skill or improving upon an existing one, he completely immerses himself in it. For example, with his carpentry, if he is not in the workshop, he is watching demo videos on YouTube or reading about wood and carpentry — his books rest within reach on our coffee table.
It would be the same as learning a language and placing sticky-notes all around the house, to keep you immersed in the language and learning, even when you aren’t consciously trying to.
4. Consistency
Mirko doesn’t do a couple of hours a week and expect to see results or master a skill. He consciously makes an effort towards whatever he is working on; every, single, day. Even if our days are busy, he will always find time to take one small action towards his goals.
In his book ‘The Slight Edge’, Jeff Olson states –
“Simple daily disciplines — little productive actions, repeated consistently over time, add up to the difference between success and failure.”
Consistent practice again ties in with a growth mindset, you consistently work at something because you understand that this is the way to improve at anything. You may not see results immediately, but you trust the fruits will come. Mirko is consistent in everything he sets his mind to and the results speak for themselves.
5. Habit
Consistency flows into habit; have one — you have the other. The power of habit has been proven time and time again. Whether negative or positive, our habits eventually define us. In the ‘Power of Habit’, Charles Duhigg explains how habits are formed and how we can ‘rewire’ our brains to create new, positive habits. In a nutshell, habits are formed by performing a specific action or behaviour regularly, to the point of automation — where you no longer have to think about it.
Now, Mirko hasn’t read Duhigg’s book, nor has he studied the psychology of habit; this is just his natural instinct, this is how he operates — frustrating right?
Take his drumming for example. Even though he has been drumming for more than a decade, he continues to work at it. You will find a set of drumsticks in different areas of our house and even in our car. Whenever he is idle (sitting watching TV, on the toilet or in traffic), he starts drumming on his practice pad. So, if we are watching a movie, he is gently tapping away to improve his rhythm and muscle memory. He is able to do this because a) he has placed these drumsticks around our house to remind him (‘cue’) and b) he no longer needs to think about it because it has become a habit.
Sitting + drumsticks = cue → drumming = behaviour → improved drumming skills = reward
If being the best drummer in the world was his goal, I have no doubt that he would achieve it.
6. Mistakes are Part of the Process
We all know this, but it is harder to grapple when we are the ones making mistakes. In the stories that Mirko tells about his days and the process of creating something exceptional, the truth is very apparent that there is no such thing as creation without mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn and refine the process over time. You don’t become a master by always getting it right; the road to mastery is riddled with bumps, hiccups and mistakes along the way. This is how we grow. This Buddhism quote comes to mind
“The arrow that hits the bulls-eye is a result of a thousand misses.”
7. It Can Always Be Better
My husband’s life motto would probably be: “it can always be better”. It’s not that he is obsessive-compulsive, he is one of the most grounded human beings I know; he just has this genuine humility and thirst for learning and betterment. After he completed this set of drawers and he took a moment to glow in the pride of his work (however brief), his next comment was — “It’s only going to get better, imagine what it will be in 10 years.”
It reminds me of a quote a successful businesswoman said to me once — “there is nothing more silent than the sound of yesterday’s applause.” She was referring to staying hungry, always looking for ways to improve and never resting on the laurels of yesterday’s achievements.
There is a fine line between being a harsh critic and never being happy with where you are, versus having humility and an innate sense of continued improvement. Somehow, Mirko has naturally found this balance.
Many of us get frustrated and give up, or become content with where we are and plateau. I may not be an expert, but I believe that this push for improvement is one of the keystones to mastery and lasting success.
8. Don’t Do It For the Accolades
Like I said, typically Mirko really doesn’t care what people think; when I told him that everyone was impressed with his work, his response was — “so, what does that mean to me?” Maybe this sounds arrogant, and sometimes he could be mistaken for this, but his heart could not be purer. When it comes to his skills, trades or passions, he does it for himself and the art of improvement, not for recognition or accolades.
Of course, if he decides to turn his hand full-time to carpentry, we will need to make a living from it, so promotion of his work will be essential. But he has already said that if it comes to that, I will have to take charge of promotion because he only wants to create. Just as an artist or musician should be focused on creation and mastery, not selling themselves; for the most part, we should be focused on our work, not self-promotion.
As a writer it is slightly different, I need to be in the social media game but, even while it looks like I put out a lot of content, I don’t put out even a quarter of what I create behind the scenes.
I believe to create something is one of the highest expressions of our humanity. It is something we are all born with, whether that is in art, writing, crafts, to grow a garden, to birth new life… Bringing something into existence that wasn’t there already is one of the most magical feelings; Mirko probably wouldn’t put it like this, but I’m sure he agrees on some level.
In a world where we are all so focused on instant gratification, or being noticed (Insta-Stars), this quality in my husband is perhaps the most endearing. We can all learn something from true humility.
While this year I am focused on respecting my power and strengths, like yin and yang, it needs to be balanced with humility, and Mirko is the perfect reminder of this.
Summary
Now I’ve laid it all out, as I said — it’s simple right? But not easy. Mirko is definitely a special human; what he seems to do so effortlessly, many of us struggle with. But what I love most about all of this, is that none of these traits and habits are out of reach for any of us. I think sometimes we all fool ourselves into believing that people who reach great heights and success possess something we don’t; it’s the salve that protects us from feelings of failure or more often — the curse that stops us from even trying. While it can be argued that some people innately possess more discipline, there is absolutely nothing in this list that the ‘average-Joe’ cannot do, all of these traits can be fostered.
I have a lot less discipline than Mirko, and need to consciously focus on these traits, but I am getting better. While everything on this list has a book and theory dedicated to just that one aspect; for me, one of the most powerful revelations was the ‘Growth Mindset’ coupled with consistency. Changing my thinking to — “I am capable” + “I need to consistently stick with this”, has meant everything. Using these two sentences with my writing and studying Croatian, have been absolute game-changers.
What do you want to work on or improve? Take a leaf (or 8leaves) from my husband’s book, and use the above to your advantage, or more succinctly, in the words of a great man (and Nike) “just do it”.
The last word — it goes without saying that Mirko obviously hates that I wrote and published this piece. Sorry my love, them’s the breaks when you marry a writer.
