Self-sabotage Is Not Always a Bad Thing
Make your killer instincts actually work in your favor
Back in the day, school tests were non-negotiably administered face-to-face (how long has it been?). Well, not that long ago, actually. So I still clearly remember two things about the last exam I took during my bachelor’s.
First, it was long and calculation-heavy that none of us got to finish the entire thing. Second, it oddly had Marianne Williamson’s poem printed on the last page.
When the time was up, the professor asked us to stop writing and to take a look at the last page.
Years after he read us the entire poem, to me, the first few lines still continue to echo:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?” — Marianne Williamson
This brief poetry session was probably what we, a class of rest-deprived engineering students, needed. We were freaked out graduates-to-be, unsure of how to navigate through life after the academic year. The professor likely thought he knew just what to say, but also that it will be better explained through a renowned author’s words.
I think it was so thoughtful of him.
He was right. Even as full-grown adults, our deepest fear remains the same: we are too afraid to put in work for that thing we want the most.
For instance, most of us don’t have problems making plans. What are long, warm showers if not for daydreaming about the day we grow 6-pack abs, accumulate 7-digit savings, or finish that 8-bullet to-do list that has existed for who knows how long?
And yet, chances are, when it’s finally time for plan execution, we become even better at finding reasons not to do any of the requisites. See? We’re just so afraid we’d make it.
So let’s establish it once and for all, shall we?
We are not at all bad at getting things done. We are just so much better at keeping us from that one thing we want the most.
Don’t fret, though. What matters is when presented with a mirror, we’re not afraid to look. Admitting and harnessing our endless potential for sabotaging our own plans can very much work to our advantage. We just have to upgrade our plans a little bit.
Let’s go through the entire process step-by-step.
Internalize Your Goal
The first important thing is to be clear with your goal. Imagine yourself cruising around Europe at last, getting that dream home, sticking to a lifelong fitness journey… Name it!
Make sure it feels so close you can almost taste it, just as Natasha Bedingfield described.
And then, finally, start planning how to get it done.
Know That You Have What It Takes
This isn’t some lame pep talk. No kidding, you have to be sure that you have the resources to get to that one thing. They do not have to be there all at once, though, so don’t panic.
If you need five things for the plan to work and you only have two of them, for now, think about what kind of effort is needed to have all five. This is step 1 of planning: opening your war chest and knowing what else you lack before you go fight for your dreams.
Assign Milestones Spread Over a Realistic Timeline
This has got to be the most crucial part, but it’s a good thing most of us have had more than enough experience in laying down plans. I’m sure there is also a surplus of resources on dividing daunting tasks into smaller milestones and estimating how much time it takes to do each of them.
So after you’ve created an amazing schedule, it’s time to serve yourself the bitter pill: that you’ll most likely end up not following through with it anyway.
How do I know? Well, it’s ’cause we’re all one and the same. We plan to go on a diet and munch sweets and junk food like it’s always been so normal to do the very opposite of what should be done. If it’s any other goal, then it’s also just some other creative way to end up on a detour.
But chill. As I said, when presented with a mirror, just don’t be afraid to look.
Once again, we are going to need to tap our planning skills, but this time, couple it with this endless potential of ours to eventually self-sabotage.
Establish a Solid Plan to Sabotage Your Future Self
Yup, the game plan has always been to sabotage our future selves! Our future selves are the ones most afraid of their own brilliance, and we must do whatever it takes to stop them from ruining our plans early on.
To systematize this step, you can create a table with three columns, with the first one indicating your scheduled milestones. Your future self is likely to feel the urge to diverge from the schedule, completely abandon it, even. And that’s what the second column is for. To walk you through my system, I’ve included a screencap of my rough fitness plan below.
The second column is where you list all the circumstances your future self could “find themselves in” to avoid doing each item in column 1. Make this as comprehensive as possible.
Finally, the third column is where you list strategies to make it so much harder for your future self to opt for or yield to column 2, or perhaps, make it so much easier to stick to column 1. The more tangible the roadblocks are, the easier it will be to address them as well. So list them as comprehensively as you can!
If you need to adopt a healthier lifestyle, decide to rid of junk for once. Perhaps, also choose to order grocery items online, so you are less likely to get tempted to buy unhealthy snacks. Being in an actual supermarket will only expose you to chips and sweets stacked so perfectly and are almost impossible to resist.
If you’d like to start having salads for meals but are likely to get too lazy to prepare them each time, partition the ingredients into separate storage containers.
There is likely no foolproof way to plan anything. But still, we can turn the odds in our favor by capitalizing on our strengths and converting weaknesses into the same whenever possible.
If you feel tired of often falling short, of sabotaging your own, well-thought-out plans come execution time, know that you are not alone. But more importantly, know that you are brilliant.
Confront your deepest fear, and stop your future self from keeping success out of reach.
