Signs That I Was Obviously a Lesbian
And just didn’t realize it
Compulsory heterosexuality is a very real thing. When I was growing up, being gay or lesbian wasn’t even talked about.
The first time I ever heard the word “gay” was when I was seven years old on the bus to school, when a kid used that word to make fun of me. I asked my parents what “gay” meant when I got home, and they told me it meant “happy.” The next day, when that kid called me gay again, I was completely unbothered by it, thinking it was a compliment. He stopped bothering me after that.
Growing up surrounded by heteronormative entertainment and expectations, hearing things such as “You’re going to meet a great man one day,” “Do you have a crush on him?” and “You two would make a cute couple,” made it very difficult for me to understand my own feelings. If I was supposed to be with a man and have a husband, then no matter how wrong it felt, I should just accept that was how it was supposed to feel, right? What other option was there?
When I first heard about what “gay” and “lesbian” actually meant, I was in middle school, and I did not believe it described me. After all, I had already pictured my future as being with a man and having at least five children. It didn’t sound too…
