Sleeveless Effort Pie — A Recipe of Indecisiveness in Writing
How I fixed the writing habits that almost caused me to stop writing.
I often find attempts at writing articles resulting in desolation. An empty screen left as a monument to tilting at windmills. The cursor, flashing in anger, trying to catch its breath after countless sprints left and right across the page.
Compositional suicides, ran at my behest, have left her shooting daggers back at me.
Her unwavering devotion to the task of character placement is a fool’s errand. My right pinky sends her dashing back to the left, frantically removing the letters she set down in perfect alignment only a few moments ago.
She probably wishes I would perform my double-edged editing rituals in a notebook, first.
Ingredients:
⅛ cup Granulated Perfectionism
I wonder if people realize that perfectionism is not a noble virtue. And “perfectionist” is not a title that one should strive to achieve. When people see perfectionists, they think these individuals are striving for greatness. They see someone performing at the max of their abilities. And they never seem curious as to why the person puts in so much effort. They never seem to notice the mental anguish that drives them.
There are three types of perfectionists.
- Self-oriented perfectionists are driven toward a life drenched in unhappiness caused by a constant flood of self-doubt. They torture themselves for never being good enough to please themselves.
- Other-oriented perfectionists torture people close to them. The loved ones of this type of perfectionist are criticized for regularly falling short of the unrealistic expectations that the perfectionist thinks they should live up to. They torture others for never being good enough to please them.
- Socially-prescribed perfectionists believe that others have incredibly high expectations of them based on society’s unrealistic model of perfection. They torture themselves for never being good enough to please others.
You may wonder which one of the above-listed conditions fuels my constant cursor whip-cracking?
Self-Oriented Perfectionism, I guess…?
I wouldn’t typically subscribe to a diagnosis of perfectionism. I genuinely have no desire to please others. If someone doesn’t like my writing, they can read something else, by someone else. I find myself continually rewriting because I stumble upon better ideas. And since my racing mind regularly produces new ideas, I choose to change my approach because I think it will be better. I’m not after perfection. Only something better. Or is that perfectionism, after all?
I’m indecisive about the reasons that I am indecisiveness.
1 8-oz. Can Racing Thoughts, Shattered
I picture an old woman sitting, staring at me. Her skin is grey, wrinkled, and looks sticky. Her caved-in lips make me imagine she has no teeth and only the rotted black stumps remain. She smiles evilly, more of a smirk than a full-blown grin. Her twisted spine causes her right shoulder to droop.
Her posture causes her to struggle with the weight of a glass card that she holds between her shriveled fingers. A few words that seem to be pure brilliance have been scratched into the surface of the pane. She holds it out at arms length for me to read. But she doesn’t allow me to finish reading it before releasing the plate, allowing it to tumble downward where it shatters on the ground at her feet.
Before the shards have stopped scattering, she has produced another shimmering plate adorning more wisdom. But before I have read the first few words, the card spins downward, breaks, and is replaced faster than the last. Over and over, this process is repeated more and more rapidly. As the rate of presentation increases, her withered mouth is pulled tighter and tighter at the corners. Now, all I see is a constant waterfall of doomed plates, a blur of words, shimmers, and her horrible face.
She is chuckling now, joyed by my frustration.
I needed a way to describe the torment I feel while just trying to hold a steady train of thought. I did it no justice. I had a few other ideas on how I could have described it, but by the time I could work out how to write it — the sheet of glass fell and shattered and the the old woman pulled another one out for me to read.
7 Tablespoons Unsalted Anxiety
Worries whirl freely, flashing doubt through my mind, fueling insecurity. Too often, I invent scenarios that make no sense, yet they scare me. Why do I always allow these fears to send me running when I am the source of the thoughts in the first place? It’s like I am running from a killer clown at full speed — getting nowhere — realizing we are shackled together.
At times, I find the anxieties I’ve conjured too scary to ignore. I can’t get them out of my mind because if I stop playing them on repeat, they might come true. As if the efforts to analyze them are the reason they remain merely harmless thoughts. But if they are indeed harmless, then why do they haunt me?
Bake At 98.6° Until Death
When you spend a lot of time pushing toward a writing goal, you will notice times where you lack motivation and find no encouragement. Most people find their own little tricks to help them through the slumps.
I have a couple of things that have become the key for overcoming blocks. They may or may not help you, as you may or may not have the indecisive tendencies that affect me while I’m writing.
1. Edit-Free Mind-Dumping
Essential to preventing me from torturing the cursor is a rule of never editing while doing the actual word-masonry.
How many people do you know that have 37 excellent starts to stories but don’t have one finished? This is due to the time it takes to edit as you write. I used to continually restructure and edit as I wrote, which left the flow of the upcoming sentences different from how I imagined. And since my mind plans sentences in a sequence, as yours does, if I go back and change the first sentence, every sentence that follows seems to be structured incorrectly. I found that just allowing my mind to open up and vomit onto the writing surface helps me complete a lot more pieces. Then, when I go back and edit, I am actually working toward a finished product. I cam see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Recap: DO NOT EDIT AS YOU WRITE!!!
2. Write One Thing At A Time
I’m sure I will catch hell over this, as I am sure that many of you have 54 drafts waiting on deck for that bolt of brilliance to strike you in the back of the face.
I’m going to tell you something that may or may not make sense. Writing two articles simultaneously takes more time them consecutively. When I spend time writing on multiple pieces, I feel as if I have done a lot, but I often notice that I don’t have the work finished to show for it.
If I wrote four articles simultaneously and stopped when each was 75% finished, I wouldn’t have any finished articles but will have spent the time anyway. BUT, if I would have written the articles one at a time, I could have finished three of the four in the same amount of time that I spent completing none. Having three finished articles feels better than having four ALMOST finished ones.
If you find yourself battling with indecisiveness, remember, there are tons of methods online to help you stay on track. The best bit of advice I can give you is this:
The only person you have to please is yourself. Your happiness will shine through your writing, and in turn, readers will respond. Time spent worrying and stressing is wasted time. Don’t worry about what other people think.
