Sometimes, You Have to Trek Across the Country to Find Your Calling
I took a chance on myself, and it was the best bet I’ve made.
Four years ago, I was trapped in a rut working a dead-end job and living at home paying student loans I couldn’t afford. I was just rejected by all of the medical schools I had applied to, and I was ready to give up.
But my heart was set on becoming a doctor. I needed to make a change in my life to lift my mood and pursue my passion. It wasn’t easy, though. I was still living at home, and the drain from daily questions of “what are you going to do now?” and “are you sure you want to do medicine?” were enraging. Every night, I’d go to bed angrier than I was the day before.
Then, by some miracle, an opportunity presented itself. An email inviting me to apply for a Master’s program caught my attention. The program was across the country where I have no family or friends, but it would allow for a fresh start.
It’s an expensive program, but “why not?” I thought to myself. There’s a possibility that this attempt could be the biggest mistake of my life, but it could equally gift me with new potential. So, I accepted a seat in the program, packed my essentials into my car, and drove for a full three and a half days across the US from Seattle, WA to Washington, DC.
The drive was therapeutic on its own. Seeing the vast landscape made me feel like this journey I was on would inevitably lead to happiness. And it did.
New Places, New Faces
There’s a whole world out there, right outside your window. You’d be a fool to miss it.
I was dumbfounded by my new destination. Everything was different. Strangers engaged with me waiting at crosswalks, people spoke their mind when they saw something they didn’t like, and most importantly, I opened up to those around me.
Seattle is known for something called the “Seattle Freeze.” It means that people tend to be “cold-hearted” and keep to themselves. Most Seattlites form their own close-knit group of friends and block everyone else out. When you don’t fit in with anyone, it makes it really difficult to build relationships.
Growing up in Seattle, I thought that sort of closed-off interaction was human nature. I was so wrong.
The people in DC opened my eyes to new experiences, new companionship, and novel ideas. Sometimes we need a change of scenery to realize our true potential. I matured exponentially during my first few months after my cross country endeavor.
Forgive and Forget the Past
To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of live. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.
I’d be lying if I said that everything was peachy after leaving home. I left my family and friends with little warning. My mother reacted to my move the worst. Sure, she was supportive, but within a few months of my disappearance, she started having panic attacks.
I can’t believe I did that to her.
Till that point, we had lived 23 years together. My mother and I have a special bond, we were inseparable when I was a child. Now that I was gone, she was worried sick.
Broken-hearted, I would scoundrel up as much student loan money as I had to fly home every few months to ease her mind. I’d make time in my busy schedule to FaceTime with her every week, and I was always available to her via text.
All of these encounters eased the tension, but I often question how much damage I’d done.
We can’t bog ourselves down in “what if” questions. If I stayed home, perhaps my mother would’ve never had a panic attack. But then, what if I never pursued my passion and attended medical school? Wouldn’t that hurt her even more?
The endless amount of plausible scenarios is maddening. I learned to forgive myself for the damage I had done to my family because, in the grand scheme of life, I made them proud by pursuing my calling.
Motivated By Fear
The fear of facing your fears is harder to overcome than the fear itself.
Failure is my most hated fear.
My family immigrated to the US in 1997. My folks gave up their jobs, culture, and lifelong memories to create a better life for my brother and me.
Imagine being in your early 40s, then picking up some of your valuables and moving to a country where you don’t speak the language, don’t have education, and can’t assimilate to the culture. Well, my parents did all of that for us.
How could I fail? Failure is not an option. My parents didn’t forfeit their livelihood to watch their sons become nobodies in America.
I always keep my family’s story in the back of my mind. The hardships endured by my loved ones give me the courage and motivation to take wild risks. Moving across the country could’ve ended terribly. I still view it as a reckless decision. But it worked.
Sometimes we need to follow our instincts. The fear of losing my dream of becoming a doctor drove me to take a wild leap of faith. There was a less than 5% chance of getting into a medical school class on any given year. Yet, I made it. I followed my heart, pursued my passion, and found my calling. All it took was a trip across the country.
Conclusion
I’m now in my final year of medical school applying for neurosurgical residency programs. I missed my parents’ retirement, my best friend’s move to California, and my niece’s birth. There is so much that I’ve lost by taking the chance that I did.
What I kept was my driven attitude and relentless grit to serve my society through medicine. In 9th grade, I told my family and friends that I was going to be a doctor. No one blames me for leaving. Instead, I get congratulatory messages for achieving my goals. Funny how that works.
