Stop This Habit From Ruining Your Life (Before It’s Too Late)
As I’m slowly growing into adulthood, I’m thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life.
Although I haven’t reached full clarity (and I wonder if it’s even necessary), being on this journey has made something very clear to me.
You will never reach your goals if you keep yourself distracted.
You will never move forward in life if you can’t handle pain.
You will never gain clarity if you don’t make the time to think (even a little clarity is better than none).
I learned this the hard way.
For a long time, I was spinning in circles, not making any progress. And I kept myself from making any.
I was in the habit of keeping myself distracted.
Every time I faced something hard or uncomfortable, I opted into distractions. I checked my Instagram, turned on the TV, or watched another ‘motivational video’.
It was a mess.
I couldn’t even sit down and get clear on the things I wanted. Instead of setting aside 10 minutes of reflective thinking, I set aside an hour for my favorite Netflix show.
As I’m someone with high ambitions, admitting this habit was painful. But it needed to be done. It was keeping me from moving forward.
Only lately have I started to realize this (and luckily, in time before my life was completely out of line). But it’s not only I that have this problem. Several others have it like this, many of whom are close to me.
They’re unclear.
They’re feeling lost.
They’re in the habit of distracting themselves.
“Check your phone. Text, Email, Instagram. Refresh. Turn on the tv. Graze at the fridge. What are you running from? That’s the question you should be asking. Get really still, and find out.” — Aubrey Marcus
Clearly, the habit is common. But why? Why do we keep ourself distracted? Why do we keep ourselves numb?
Why is it so hard to sit down, think, and get real with ourselves?
The Fear Of Thoughts
“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..” — John Milton
Every day, we have a large number of thoughts. Many of which might be unpleasant.
And that’s the problem.
We’re afraid of confronting the unpleasant thoughts.
We’re afraid of the darkness inside.
We don’t want to look, so we keep ourselves blind. We run and hide — behind distractions.
As it turns out, a lot of people do this.
A study from 2014 showed that some people would rather electrify themselves than being alone with their thoughts. Which is absolutely crazy.
Participants had to sit in a room for 15 minutes, and about 40 percent chose to distract themselves by electric shocks.
It sounds crazy, but it’s kind of understandable if you think about it.
Being alone may require you to face your fears and anxieties. And that’s no fun. That’s painful.
Take away the distractions — the mind-numbing stimuli — and you’ll be left naked to the darkness of the mind.
However, there‘s a solution. An end to the habit of distraction.
Ending The Habit
In my experience, ending the habit comes down to a couple of simple steps.
1 ) The first step is to notice when you’re doing the habit.
Monitor yourself; watch your thoughts and behaviors.
- Every time you check your social media, take a second to ask why. Is it because you genuinely want to use it, or is it because you’re avoiding something else?
- Every time you feel anxious or lost, take a moment to reflect. Why are you feeling this way? Is there something that needs to be dealt with?
- Every time you feel the urge to distract yourself, notice it.
Your ability to self-monitor can be increased through meditation.
2 ) The second step is to replace the habit.
If you’re able to generate your own pleasant thoughts, you might rely less on constant stimulation.
Psychologist Erin Westgate puts it this way:
“Often when we have a few free minutes, we reach for our cell phones to entertain us. But with a little planning ahead of time, we might be able to use our own minds instead.”
Here are some suggestions:
- Instead of distracting yourself, think of how good you’ll feel once you sit down and figure out what is going on. Then take the time and actually do it.
- Have a go-to replacement habit. Is there any habit that could benefit you? E.g., Instead of distracting yourself with Facebook, you could pull out your journal and write.
- Make a list of the things you enjoy. This could be of loved ones, vacations, hobbies, etc. Every time you notice any unpleasantness coming forth, take a look at the list. This will create pleasant feelings within you, and you’ll be likely to continue with the things you were doing.
- Name 3 things that you are grateful for. This is similar to making a list. You can’t be anxious and grateful at the same time.
- Learn to enjoy your own mind. Realize there’s beauty inside, and that it’s yours to find.
Conclusion
Even though you might have negative thoughts, anxieties and fears, taking the time to deal with the problems, is a whole lot better than distracting yourself.
Keeping yourself distracted, will only create problems. Getting clear and thinking will solve them.
And it’s not that hard.
- Notice when you’re doing the habit.
- Then replace it.
Remember, if you do happen to distract yourself, don’t feel too bad about it. Realize that it’s quite normal. Accept it, and get back on track. Will you do that?
Will you face the unpleasantness?
Will you get clear?
Will you reach your goals and move forward?
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